What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? - Page 120

[EnviroBecca]

About "not looking pregnant"...I am a Brownie leader, and I told my co-leader about my pregnancy very early because I was afraid I'd throw up during our camping trip (I didn't, possibly because she told me Fig Newtons were magic and I brought a secret stash and ate them at frequent intervals!) but never announced it to the whole troop at once. Most of the girls found out when they heard their moms talking pregnancy w/me, or they noticed when we started meeting the next fall and I was showing. Well, late in the fall when I was about 35 weeks along, we were having a chocolatey snack...
ME: I think my baby must like chocolate. I used to think chocolate was just pretty good, but now it tastes really wonderful to me!
GIRL: What baby?!
ME: I'm going to have a baby! (pointing at tummy) Didn't you know?!
GIRL: No. I thought you were too young to have a baby!
I was 31, so I took that as a compliment! When EnviroBaby attended his first meeting out of the womb and the girls were admiring him, that girl said, "Remember how I was the first one to know you were pregnant?" The others looked surprised, but we humored her!

[guestmama9911]

This whole thread, that I have been reading for more than a week, reminds me of why I love Mothering - one of the last places a new mother can go for some common sense and sanity!!!

[peaceful_mama]

I got lots of 'you don't LOOK pregnant!' too...but at the same time, it got me out of some work that summer!! (LOL, j/k but seriously even when I INSISTED my doctor said it was OK, they wouldn't let me do anything. I was 8 months at least before my doc said maybe I should limit my lifting to 30 lbs or less.)

The one I found the funniest and will remember forever is this coworker of mine who, one day in September (DS was born 10/8/04) said 'You are too HAPPY to be pregnant! Don't you have ANY complaints?' So I looked down at my feet and said "My ankles are swollen. There. That's my only complaint. " (OK so I looked in the general direction where i COULD see my feet before I had that 9 months preggo belly...)

Serioulsy though, why does everyone think pregnancy is something to complain about? I have decided with my next one, I'm going to a midwife, not my OBGYN. They are in the same office. If I get any questions as to why, I'm going to say "Because I'm not SICK, I'm PREGNANT. If I need a doctor, you'll be the first to know." (Part of the reason why I've chosen that midwife is that she is in the same office as my OB just in case. And I do mean that, if I had anything concerning in my pregnancy, she's the doctor I'd want. The other, much more important part, is when I asked everybody I met who's ever gone to a midwife here in town, the same two names kept coming up--the two midwives in my OB's office!)

[boingo82]

Originally Posted by zakers_mama

.
Serioulsy though, why does everyone think pregnancy is something to complain about? .

Some people really do have difficult pregnancies. From morning sickness to bedrest to toxemia to edema to pubis symphysis dysfunction (the ligaments that are supposed to hold your pelvis together, don't, which I have).

I am glad you don't, though.

[mollyeilis]

"Serioulsy though, why does everyone think pregnancy is something to complain about?"

Probably because they met me while I was pregnant.

I never had anything WRONG with me, but I was utterly miserable. I'm known for swelling, so of course I was a balloon (it's nothing worrisome with me, it's just me, but it's rotten). I had hideous heartburn. I got asthma and had bad reactions to my inhaler medicine. My back hurt. I couldn't move. My pubic bones hurt like a horse kicked me there. My nose swelled up and I looked UGLY. My hair was greasy. I got back acne. I had a heinous taste in my mouth the whole time. I got morning sickness later on, which at one point resulted in throwing up fish and chips, pretty much whole (MISERY).

And on and on and on. The only bright spots were when baby started moving, and even that was iffy, b/c sometimes he hurt me when he kicked. Adn he drove me insane by tickling my cervix.

People insisted on getting together with me, so my misery was out in public.


I remember my mom and stepmom, both of whom had October or September babies in CA, complaining of the heat and how hard it is to be big and pg during the summer. So next time I might as well go for a summer baby, just to max out the misery LOL.

I'm hoping future pregnancies aren' taht miserable, though. And if they are I'm staying inside with breaks to workout!

[boingo82]

Originally Posted by mollyeilis

..
I never had anything WRONG with me, but I was utterly miserable. I'm known for swelling, so of course I was a balloon (it's nothing worrisome with me, it's just me, but it's rotten). I had hideous heartburn. I got asthma and had bad reactions to my inhaler medicine. My back hurt. I couldn't move. My pubic bones hurt like a horse kicked me there. My nose swelled up and I looked UGLY. My hair was greasy. I got back acne. I had a heinous taste in my mouth the whole time. I got morning sickness later on, which at one point resulted in throwing up fish and chips, pretty much whole (MISERY)...

You just listed a whole bunch of things I hadn't even thought of, but I have. Well..I have every one you mentioned, except the MS and the asthma. I made up for it with edema so bad that my ankles lapped over my shoes from 7 months on. My lower legs would hold dents. And then every night I would wake up 7 times to pee out all that fluid, only to accumulate it again the next day.
And the pubic bone...I am only 17 weeks along this time and it's stiff and sore and I feel 85 years old.

[CryPixie83]

Originally Posted by zakers_mama

Serioulsy though, why does everyone think pregnancy is something to complain about?

Because society as a whole treats pregnancy as if it were a sickness or a disease. Yes, many women have problems (from minor to major) but honestly I think the mindset has a lot to do with how we feel during pregnancy. Someone who views pregnancy like a typical mainstream American (you know, the people who think doctors are gods) will generally have more complaints than someone who feels pregnancy is normal, natural and healthy.

Note: that's a very general idea... I know there are lots of women here who know pregnancy is normal, natural, etc and still have rough pregnancies.

I loved being pregnant, honestly (though sometimes I hesitate to say it because I know so many here have rough pregnancies). I had nausea, but it wasn't unbearable, just enough to reassure me that things were normal. I had rib pain...yea that I could have lived without : Heartburn...gave me an excuse to eat yummy papaya tablets all day and an intense craving for ice.... that was weird lol

[mollyeilis]

I know there are lots of women here who know pregnancy is normal, natural, etc and still have rough pregnancies.

That would be me. Sigh. I truly truly thought I'd have nothing but bliss. OK maybe some 'roids but that wouldn't have been anything new...oh well. Maybe next time!

Even the papaya tablets gave me heartburn!

Oh, and the ice thing can be a sign of a need for iron, isn't that odd?

[jrayn]

oh I really miss being pregnant and as time goes on I seem to forget the few small issues I had (heartburn with upchucking, painful heels which continues post-pregnancy, few other pains that lasted a couple days during pregnancy) but as time goes on, they seem like they weren't so bad!
My aunt was miserable though she was very irritable and barely spoke to her mom who lives a mile away from her for the entire pregnancy b/c of her horrible attitude she ended up having enclampsia but she still got to have her baby at home so I am proud of her!

[jayayenay]

Originally Posted by Velvet005

I said "Oh no, I can't let him CIO it is against my biological make-up. Women have signals that go off in their brains when babies cry because they are supposed to respond to them not ignore them. Ignoring them is bad for the baby and desensitizes the mother to the baby's needs"

I love that...I'll have to memorize it & use it myself!

[Charles Baudelaire]

Originally Posted by mollyeilis

"Serioulsy though, why does everyone think pregnancy is something to complain about?"

Probably because they met me while I was pregnant.

I never had anything WRONG with me, but I was utterly miserable. I'm known for swelling, so of course I was a balloon (it's nothing worrisome with me, it's just me, but it's rotten). I had hideous heartburn. I got asthma and had bad reactions to my inhaler medicine. My back hurt. I couldn't move. My pubic bones hurt like a horse kicked me there. My nose swelled up and I looked UGLY. My hair was greasy. I got back acne. I had a heinous taste in my mouth the whole time. I got morning sickness later on, which at one point resulted in throwing up fish and chips, pretty much whole (MISERY).

And on and on and on. The only bright spots were when baby started moving, and even that was iffy, b/c sometimes he hurt me when he kicked. Adn he drove me insane by tickling my cervix.

People insisted on getting together with me, so my misery was out in public.


I remember my mom and stepmom, both of whom had October or September babies in CA, complaining of the heat and how hard it is to be big and pg during the summer. So next time I might as well go for a summer baby, just to max out the misery LOL.

I'm hoping future pregnancies aren' taht miserable, though. And if they are I'm staying inside with breaks to workout!

Wow! The nose thing! My god, I looked like I had a mushroom on my face and my ankles looked like Hillary Clinton's. Actually, they looked like Hillary Clinton. Really. As in the whole woman. Woman-sized legs dangling from my knees.

And the cervix thing! I'm amazed; I thought I was the only one that ever happened to! It was like walking down the street and getting a Pap smear at the same time, but without the lousy waiting-room copies of Parents Magazine!

[heathenmom]

I am so hurt and angry!

Okay .... I posted earlier about the comments my sister had RE cosleeping and what we feed dd. Well, we had a "family meeting" this morning and it has come out that my mom and sister think the following:

* I get all of my parenting ideas (RE cosleeping, etc.) from the internet.
* I am completely disregarding all of their experience & wisdom as mothers.
* I am stunting dd's development by continuing to cosleep with her (she's all of 15 months old .
* Cosleeping is causing dd to be FAR to attached to me. They've come to this conclusion because dd is going through an extended stage of separation anxiety: she's fine when I go to work or otherwise *leave*, but has a meltdown if I take a few steps away from her. I don't have a problem with it ... I mean, it's not the happiest of situations, but I cuddle her and reassure her that I will always come back, and I usually end up taking her with me.

The cosleeping is REALLY becoming an issue. I have made it abundantly clear that where our daughter sleeps is strictly between me & dh, but still they continue to harp on it. They even went so far today as to discuss where we could put a crib in our room (we're currently living with my sister ... dh, dd & I share a room that is CRAMMED with all of our stuff). My instinctive reaction is to tell them to off, but dh has asked me to find some medical justification to show them that we're making an informed decision. I DON'T WANT TO! I don't want to fall into the trap of having to justify our parenting decisions. It just makes me feel like they will never really respect me as a mother. It's just so hurtful ... I would NEVER treat them this way.

[CryPixie83]

Originally Posted by heathenmom

Okay .... I posted earlier about the comments my sister had RE cosleeping and what we feed dd. Well, we had a "family meeting" this morning and it has come out that my mom and sister think the following:

* I get all of my parenting ideas (RE cosleeping, etc.) from the internet.
* I am completely disregarding all of their experience & wisdom as mothers.
It's just so hurtful ... I would NEVER treat them this way.

Do we have the same mother? My mother said the same thing (behind my back, of course). Apparently I blindly follow anything anyone on MDC says and am endangering my dd by not vaxing her, making me an unfit mother. Which is really hilarious, because she's always commented on how I don't "follow the crowd" but apparently motherhood has turned me into a sheep Here's the kicker: my mother lost custody of her three kids, has been on drugs since gods-know-when, can't/won't hold a job, gets drunk and calls my house threatening to take my dd away, I could go on and on :

My one main goal in motherhood is to not become my mother.Ever.

[MommyofPunkiePie]

Elizabeth,
Here is some very good info in case you want to prove your point

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/A...05%20FINAL.pdf

and this one

http://www.sidscenter.org/Downloads/B165.htm

[cheeseRjedi]

she told me "Doctors aren't trying to make you birth on their time, it's not like they have a golf game scheuduled and they are trying to get your kid out before tee off. They don't interfere unless it's nessacary"

Funny, the reason Cathy was born on August 30th is because her mom's doc had a tee time on Sept. 1st...her mom's 4th c-section because she was told her hips were too small to give birth (???) This was 20+ years ago in D.C., which still has the highest rate of c-sections in the country.

Chad, Cathy's dh

[jenP]

Originally Posted by cheeseRjedi

she told me "Doctors aren't trying to make you birth on their time, it's not like they have a golf game scheuduled and they are trying to get your kid out before tee off. They don't interfere unless it's nessacary"

Funny, the reason Cathy was born on August 30th is because her mom's doc had a tee time on Sept. 1st...her mom's 4th c-section because she was told her hips were too small to give birth (???) This was 20+ years ago in D.C., which still has the highest rate of c-sections in the country.

Chad, Cathy's dh

Yep, my mom was induced with me two weeks before my due date... he told her "that baby is ready, if you aren't in labor by saturday come in to be induced."
as she was leaving the hospital without me (OF COURSE I was very small and had to spend a few days in a warming bed) she ran into an acquaitance, a woman due at the same time, also leaving w/o her baby. They later compared notes and found out the doc was on vacation the next two weeks!! He induced his patients WEEKS before their due date so no one else would get the money for the deliveries while he was away!! I would sue the bastard, but he is dead now.
So, yes, doctors will certainly do inductions or surgeries to suit their convenience rather than what is best for the patients.

Jen

[mollyeilis]

Even today a friend of mine would deny this, but I was present for her daughter's arrival, and her OB was actually *talking* about her plans for later on that day, while in the room with the laboring woman and a bunch of well-rested friends and family. Which is why she insisted on pitocin by 11am after PROM at 5am, and hurried things along at every single stage. My friend escaped absolutely unnecessary surgery by the skin of her nose, but refuses to admit it.

That friend continues to be harsh about my incredibly unneeded c/s, because, you know, all that matters is a healthy baby. Her friend was OK with her c/s (caused by the same "homebirth midwives" I had), so I should be too, according to her. :

[hellyaellen]

Our best friends are two younger guys (23ish?- dh is 25, i'm 30 and these guys are mostly his friends but since I see them at least 3 times a week they may as be claimed by me too)

neither of these guys have kids. one says he never wants kids.

I think they bitched the whole pregnancy about how awful kids are, how stupid we were for bringing a kid into the world today,

that's stupid number one

number two?

one guy always refers to ds as "it"; is "it " hungry? He has a name!!! :

and they always make belittling comments about dh not working outside the home for money. we've tried to explain that this is a concious choice, we want him to have a parent at home with him, its not even permanant. one of them works at home depot and he acts like parenthood is a breeze compared to that. wtf?

okay gonna read more now

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by hellyaellen

Our best friends ...

And that's still true after they acted that way? They must have a *lot* going for them in other areas. Good luck training them to behave properly.

[peaceful_mama]

Originally Posted by jenP

Yep, my mom was induced with me two weeks before my due date... he told her "that baby is ready, if you aren't in labor by saturday come in to be induced."
as she was leaving the hospital without me (OF COURSE I was very small and had to spend a few days in a warming bed) she ran into an acquaitance, a woman due at the same time, also leaving w/o her baby. They later compared notes and found out the doc was on vacation the next two weeks!! He induced his patients WEEKS before their due date so no one else would get the money for the deliveries while he was away!! I would sue the bastard, but he is dead now.
So, yes, doctors will certainly do inductions or surgeries to suit their convenience rather than what is best for the patients.

Jen

*I* was induced--(pause to thank MDC for all I've learned since MAY...)--because I asked my OB who was going to deliver me while I was on vacation. She then said 'oh you measure a little big, why don't we induce?' I was so far mainstream at that point I went for it like an idiot. DS was born fine by their standards...but he was 6 lbs 6.5 oz, which is tiny. And couldn't learn to bf. Hmmmmmm ya think the possibility he was as much as 3 weeks preemie had anything to do with that?? :P I AM GOING TO A MIDWIFE NEXT TIME. THEN to make things even better :P a couple weeks ago, my friend who's a nurse tells me 'yeah your doc probably already got paid for your delivery and didn't want to have to pay another doc to actually do it...' THEY DO THIS?!?!?!?!?!