Please No Bashing! - Page 3

[B52Bombshell]

My DH is the biggest supporter of DS's nursing. DS will be 3 in a couple of weeks & he nurses 3X or more a day. I never expected to be nursing him "this long". I fully planned on nursing him until 2yo (WHO recommendation), then wean him. However, our several attempts at weaning have been too stressful & disastrous for him/us. So, here we are...

Sometimes he'll fall asleep w/out nursing. Sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night & crawl into bed w/us & nurse back to sleep. We co-slept until he was about 2, and we've been transitioning him into his bed since then. He's let me sleep for 5 or 6 hrs a night since he was a month old (I know, I'm *very* fortunate about that).

[MeditativeMama]

Hi! I breastfed my son for a little over 4 years and my daughter for a little under 4 years. I tandem-nursed them for 2 years (son was 2 when daughter was born). I am now breastfeeding my 2-year old son. I have always worked full-time, pumped for almost a year with each, and nursed all night since each child was in the family bed at least 2 years.

Benefits are many, as others have quoted. I had not planned to breastfeed so long, but I found it to be an amazing bonding experience. Allowing the child to lead the weaning has been very positive.

My three children are all extremely healthy, happy, well-adjusted and intelligent. Although many factors play into these traits, I have absolutely no doubt that extended breastfeeding has been a factor for each.

Family on both sides have been supportive, which helps! I've learned that it is much easier to nurse the baby/toddler wherever and whenever. When we meet our child's most basic needs, we are fully human. When we show others that nursing a toddler is easy to do and important, it won't be such a strange thing.

Good luck to you, and no matter what, listen to your baby and listen to your heart!

[Noah's Mama]

Hi, I just recieved this link today
http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au...E23289,00.html
It's all about how important toddler breastfeeding is, but how little it is seen because of the social stigma. I always thought I'd breastfeed until my son was 1, but he showed no signs of stopping and we just continued on. Personally, I am breastfeeding my 2.5 year-old and plan to tandem nurse once my baby comes in December. I'm slowly starting to move away from nursing in public because I'm not sure what others will think. After reading this article, I'm more inclined to continue breastfeeding my toddler in public. Good for you for asking the questions and wanting to learn more.

[ju-cee]

Your honesty is REFRESHING......My dd is now 15.5 mos and still nursing several times a day......some more than others....Not so much in public so no real experience w/the I started out saying I would go 3 mos b/c that's what I did w/my first.....but then it was 6, 12 etc. It really does become part of your/their life and you develop a natural routine (if you haven't already) so it's really effortless and the rewards are endless I thought about ending at 12 mos but she has really bonded w/"the mamas" and it was to hard to refuse her. my dh says to do what I think is best and deep down when I'm having a very trying day w/her I "KNOW" not weaning her until she's ready is the BEST Set small goals for yourself and like one of the other mom's posted it will be 2 yrs before ya know it! I have learned alot from these pages even though I don't post much I do consider them a very valuable resource.......my pedi just told me at her 15 mos. ckup to tatoo NUK on my forehead b/c that's all it is at this point : : ...and they are members of the AAP, I'm strongly considering leaving their practice now.....have NEVER had support for my bf endevours there and many times incorrect info about it.....STRONGLY voiced my objections to them but anyway I'm digressing (sp?) BIG KUDOS for you to seek out a support for yourself......SOOOOOO IMPORTANT!!
to you and your baby......He's in good hands!!

[IncaMama]

my son is 2.5 and still nursing...i'm also 7mos pregnant and intend to tandem nurse when little DD gets here. i agree with whoever said that it's not as if you are suddenly nursing a huge toddler...our children grow so slowly, a little every day...12 months doesn't feel too different from 12 months and 1 day...or 2 days....or 3 days...so you might find that the cutoff you've been sort of assuming would be obvious just....isn't, you know? i know that's how it was for me. i assumed i'd nurse until 1 year....and then another year and a half went by. LOL!!!

as for the criticism - i really think that you have to find peace within yourself about it. i decided long ago that my son needs my milk and needs to nurse. and just as much as he needs that, he needs me to be certain and solid about that decision. he needs me to advocate for our choices and for his choices. it is just as much his decision as it is mine, and i'll be d*mned if someone's going to question my SON'S choices. it's one thing to question mine, and i can sometimes let that get to me. but messing with my son is a whoooole different story. mama bear comes out. luckily i haven't dealt with *too* much, although the odd comment once in a while has come my way...

i find that if you present yourself as someone who is secure in her decision (and if you really feel that way) there's very little that can shake you. and people will see that and back away. at least that's how it's worked for me.

good luck...and thank you for being here and listening to our stories.

[jenvh]

I am so glad everyone here is so loving and helpful.

My 18mo DS is still an avid nurser. In fact, I too have said he'll probably wean till college... except I think it might be true! He shows NO signs of slowing down!

I was nervous as his first birthday approached about looks and comments. Actually, I have had more POSITIVE comments since he turned one! Nurses have come up to me in restaurants and complimented me on nursing a toddler, and the number of moms who nurse toddlers but don't tell anyone is astonishing. So many people didn't tell me until Alex turned one that they nursed/are nursing toddlers.

There are more of us out there! We need to speak out!

Kellymom is a GREAT site for extended bfing. Also, Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small has a great chapter about just how natural bfing is. It's an ethnopediatric approach- my new passion- anyone else out there? Also, important to know, AAP has changed there stand to encourage nursing at least the first TWO years, just like WHO. A BIG change!

My husband is SO supportive of it, because it does calm Alex down, when he had the usual bumps and tumbles of toddlers, nothing calmed him like my milk, and it is so obvious that he is so well adjusted and interdependednt and happy. He doesn't have those tantrums that most babies have, and when he does, they are quickly and easily resolved. DH is also extremely proud of how healthy and big our little guy is. He calls it SUPER MILK.

I believe that you will find that once he is a year old, you will see just how natural it still is. You will probably wonder why you ever considered quiting.

My family also has been totally suportive. My Gramma laughs like it is the craziest thing she has ever seen, but is not at all negative. She is so funny, and open to the education. They mostly think it's hilarious that he will be in the middle of playing, then all of a sudden come, indicate he needs to nurse, then nurse, then go right back to playing. Once, I was laying on the couch, he came up, lifted my shirt and nursed standing there... in the middle he said "MMMMmmmm!" then when he was done, he said "Adios!" (we speak Spanish at home) and took off again. WHAT a GREAT moment!

much luck and love... this is a supportiove community.

Jen

[MotherOf2Boys]

Thank you for all the stories, advice, and support you girls have shown me. I'm truly grateful that I stumbled upon this site. I'm going to take your advice and take it one day at a time. It doesnt seem like 4 months already, so I'm sure the rest will fly by quickly.
Sorry I havent been here to post much. My son still nurses alot, and when he lays down for his naps I do my school work. Then try and spend some time with my 3 year old. Geez, and men think they have it rough! We sure are a bunch of tough cookies huh?

Thanks again, I love hearing your stories!

C.R.

[mom2threenurslings]

First of all - GOOD FOR YOU for seeking info on breastfeeding beyond what you consider the norm!

Another story to add...
When I was pregnant with our oldest my dh (son of a LLL Leader) said to me, "You ARE going to breastfeed, AREN'T YOU?" so I agreed to give it a try for 3-6 months. At the first LLL meeting I went to, the first nursling I saw was 18 months old and I thought, "That child is HUGE! Isnt' he too old for nursing? That's WIERD!!!"
Fast forward 6.75 years. I've been nursing CONTINUOUSLY for the past 6.75 years. My oldest (Alex) was 9 months old when I got pregnant with Zachary. I nursed Alex through pregnancy and tandem nursed Alex and Zachary. When Zachary was 15 months old I got pregnant with Haley. I tandem nursed through pregnancy and then triandem nursed Alex, Zack and Haley for over 18 months until Alex self-weaned on his fifth birthday. I then tandem nursed Zack and Haley and got pregnant with Coren this past December. I tandem nursed through pregnancy and am currently triandem nursing Zachary (now 5 yrs old), Haley (3 yrs old) and Coren (2 weeks 3 days old). Seven years ago I would never have dreamt that I'd be nursing a child older than 6 months, maybe a year old, nevermind triandem nursing / nursing a 5 year old! It's interesting how your views and perceptions change the older your kids get and the more you learn.

Some info for you (sorry if I'm repeating anything)...
-Breastmilk doesn't loose it's nutritional value once your child reaches a certain age ... it DOES change with your child as your child grows and is always specially formulated for your child at your child's particular age and stage of development. It has the right balance of proteins, fats, etc. for your child. It also continues to contain antibodies to help your child not get sick/get better faster.
- Nursing lowers your child's risks of obesity, allergies, getting certain types of cancers, etc.
- Nursing lowers YOUR chances of getting breast, ovarian and certain other cancers, osteoporosis and a few other things that I can't remember right now
- The benefits of nursing aren't just nutritional - nursing is good for your child's phycial, emotional, and psychological health.

As for comments from family members - it's honestly none of their business. Here are some of my favorite responses to questions such as "When are you going to wean that child?" and "Are you STILL nursing?"

"Why do you want to know?" (said in a nice, curious voice - points out that they're sticking their nose where it doesn't belong without being harsh)

"We're in the process of weaning" (said after you introduce solids, as technically weaning begins at the introduction of solids.....the fact that weaning may take 2, 3, 4 or more years doesn't need to be mentioned )

"Of COURSE he's still nursing - isn't it WONDERFUL! We couldn't imagine denying him the many benefits of breastmilk and our nursing relationship!" (said VERY enthusiastically - people have a difficult time arguing with enthusiasm)

"Why, yes he is. Thank you for noticing. Are those new earrings? They're gorgeous?" (Answer politely then change the subject quickly!)

"Why do you think that? The studies I've read say otherwise? I'd love to see copies of the studies you've read - I'm always eager to learn more!"

And as for introduction of solids - we don't introduce solids until our children can reach for them, pick them up and feed themselves. WIth our first we spoon-fed homemade baby food starting at 6 months and he is an INCREDIBLY picky eater. His brother and sister were allowed to start solids when they were ready (sitting up unassisted, no tongue thrust reflex, could pick food up and get it to their mouth unassisted) and they eat anything and everything! "Delaying" solids until a child is absolutely ready for them cuts down on the chances of food allergy issues.

I hope that helps! Congratulations on your baby and good luck to you on your breastfeeding journey!

[John Fulkerson]

allergies

I was not breastfed as a baby and I have terrible allergies. Some years ago, a friend who had a baby nursed me for several months. My allergies completely went away. She has since moved away and the allergies are terrible again. I wish that I had been breastfed as a child to permanently avoid these terrible allergies as I live in the Napa Valey, allergy capital of the world. You women are doing you kids a big favor.

[gottaknit]

Originally Posted by John Fulkerson

I was not breastfed as a baby and I have terrible allergies. Some years ago, a friend who had a baby nursed me for several months. My allergies completely went away. She has since moved away and the allergies are terrible again. I wish that I had been breastfed as a child to permanently avoid these terrible allergies as I live in the Napa Valey, allergy capital of the world. You women are doing you kids a big favor.

Wow. I've never heard of breastmilk being used to treat adult allergies. You were lucky to have such a caring friend. Have you tried cutting dairy out of your diet? I find this works wonders for me during allergy season (I live in the Grass Seed Capitol of the World )

[gottaknit]

I just wanted to say to the new members.

[karinasusy]

I haven't read thru all the posts, so there may already be mention of what I have to share. I am a HUGE breastfeeding advocate and still very much involved with my local LLL group after 8 years and 4.3 years of breastfeeding my son.

The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST two years. Mostly because the immunities and nutritional value of mother's milk never stop or expire or diminish, ever. The composition of mother's milk certainly changes constantly to the very specific needs of the child, but immunities and nutrients never go away. Not to mention all the comfort and support only a breastfeeding relationship can provide for a child that still truly needs it.

The worldwide breastfeeding duration average is around 5 years of age.

Also, every child is different. For one child to wean at the age 1 could be almost impossible for another. I thought I would be done at the age of 2, when my very demanding, very needy son decided to go for another 2 years.

We place far too much emphasis on AGE (i.e. too old for this, too young for that, must be old enough for this, must be young enough for that). Who cares? We need to look at individual need and stop focusing on how old everyone is.

[be11ydancer]

Originally Posted by MotherOf2Boys

... Breastfeeding my 4 month old has be such a great experience. Hes just started to stop sucking, and then looking up at me to smile, then proceed to start sucking again. Its the best feeling! ...

I can assure you that feeling never goes away. I'm nursing my 2 y.o. at the moment and it is the best feeling.

[MotherOf2Boys]

I dont want to sound like a big baby...
I just got off the phone with my mom, and I mentioned that my son was starting to bite. Now luckily he doesnt have any teeth yet, but it does hurt a little. She said well thats when you stop BFing, when they get teeth. I told her that I found this site that has a lot of good information about the benefits of BFing after 1 yr. She said thats perverse (sp?) and that she wouldnt have that. She is suppose to be calling me back later and I will read off a lot of the good information you girls posted. Any other tips? Well besides hitting her over the head with a pan?

Thanks,
C.R.

[alegna]

Tell her that the AAP says you should nurse for at LEAST a year and then as long after as you want. WHO says you should nurse at LEAST TWO YEARS and then as long after as you want.

-Angela

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I didnt read all the replys so forgive me if someone has already posted this. When I was expecting #1 I had already planned to bfed. At the hospital I saw a poster on the wall and to my amazement it said that if you bfed for 7yrs (differnt children :LOL for most of us) but for some the same one then the chances of that woman getting breast cancer was near 0%. Having already had cancer this was what made me decide in part to bfed my dd(darling daughter) for 31months. And I will nurse my ds at least that long.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

Originally Posted by MotherOf2Boys

She said thats perverse (sp?) and that she wouldnt have that.
Thanks,
C.R.

Not every one can be convinced of the benifits. Some try for years but some people are just to set in their ways. If you can get her support that is so great but if you cannot dont let her misinformation damage ur nursing relationship with you child you have to do what u think is right and best. Many mom's here have people in their life that r not supportive at all and they do just fine Just keep coming here and knowing that you r doing what is right for u and ur child not what is best for others.

[TeaBag]

Originally Posted by MotherOf2Boys

. She said well thats when you stop BFing, when they get teeth.

She said thats perverse (sp?) and that she wouldnt have that.

Okay, this is just too funny to me! First of all, if they bite, you teach them not to! It is really very simple, although doing it gently does take some time and patience! Simply unlatch them when you feel teeth, and repeat "We don't bite." in a calm voice. My oldest bit me and drew blood at about 7 months old. : THAT hurt. I couldn't nurse on that side for almost a week....and the stupid doc told me to try pumping on that side to maintain my milk. I asked him if *he* had ever used a breastpump!? It hurts worse than the kid!! I had an open sore about 1/3 of an inch long that gaped open every time he nursed. You know what? He nursed until he was almost 2.5!

And this last statement gets me to no end. *she* won't have that?! Y.O.U. are his mother. You make this decision. Now, I'm not saying go at her with guns a'blazin'....but you can do what I do, listen politely, say "well, that's interesting that you feel that way." and then turn around and do whatever you *know* is best!

s to you. It's so hard when you're learning more than those surrounding you and they dont' want to be educated! and and

[Heffernhyphen]

When my ds was younger (he's 2 now), I wouldn't have predicted I'd still be nursing him this long. (I won't make a prediction at this point either, but I'm sure we've got years ahead of us.) You hear so many arbitrary ideas of when to "cut him off" . . . when he gets teeth, when he can ask for it, when he can lift your shirt, when he turns one. But why? Why stop something, at any given age, that is nothing but good?! It baffles me. I want to ask people who ask me why I still nurse, "Why wouldn't I?" I can give a list of the benefits of nursing; what is the benefit of weaning? Some people say the child will become too attached, too dependent. I assure you, that is not the case. The stronger the attachment, the more confident and trusting the child becomes.

It sounds like you'll have some obstacles to face (your mother, for one). But my advice is to nurse that baby (and toddler) with pride and confidence, knowing that you are doing the BEST thing a mother can ever do for her child. You love your child enough to endure an occasional bite, or an occasional rude, ignorant comment. How can you be discouraged or shamed when you are keeping your child healthy, happy, and close to his mother?

Honestly, I've grown so confident in my nursing that I sometimes encourage my boy to nurse in public just so I can use the opportunity to educate others by our example. It sounds like you have some folks to educate, too. Take on the challenge.

Enjoy that baby! And welcome to MDC.

[tryingitnatural]

Welcome!!

Good luck with your mother but if she does not see your point then don't worry about it. Perverse The US is probably the only country that would ever put that label on such a natural thing. I like you am new here but fortunately my mother bf'd all her children so I never questioned bf'ing. I have always advocated b/c my sibilings and myself have strong immune sytems and no allergies to anything and I know that was not by chance. I was her first and I bf'd for nearly two yrs (I weaned myself) I am hispanic so our culture looks at bf a little bit differently. I hope that my son will bf for that long. Good luck to you