use a midwife? doula? 1st birth trauma, need to find better way for 2nd birth....

[bobandjess99]

Hello. I I had my first UC, but I am considering using a midwife for the next birth, because I REALLY feel like I could have used someone there just to be encouraging and reassuring...DH is a wonderful man, but it just wasn't what I needed....I'm wondering if maybe what I want is more a doula than an actual midwife? Did your midwives "act" as doulas in the sense that they were supportive, encouraging, helpful? Or did they mostly stick to clinical type things? I'm just looking for my next birth to be better, and I'm not exactly sure what it is I need for that to happen.....a LOT less pain would certainly help..but I don't think thats gonna happen, so I'm trying to figure out how i can better deal with the horrific agony....I'm wondering if a midwife would help? Or maybe a doula, as i don't really feel the need for any "clinical" assistance, I just want support, reassurance, etc? Or maybe I should just forget about another homebirth and use drugs? I really hate that I'm even considering that, but, to use the phrase of another poster whose birth i just read here on MDC, my first birth was "traumatically painful" and I just can't go through that again...nor is my DH willing to go through it again. I hadn't really realized how traumatized he was by it until we were talking yesterday..he has always had positive things to say...but.yesterday he said that he hadn't wanted to talk to me about how horrible it had been for him too, because he knew I was very depressed afterwards, and he didn't want to add on to my unhappiness, but that it had been hell for him too. He said he can't do it again...
So, while we are still a little while off from TTC, I'm just trying to think of what options i have, and how to choose what is best.

Thanks,

[alegna]

I don't know if you could find a doula who would attend a UC. If you could find a midwife it could help if she was still willing to be hands-off. Your next birth could be totally different though too.

You might also want to look into hypnobirthing or something of the like- a lot of women here swear by it.

good luck!

-Angela

[newcastlemama]

I had a midwife and her apprentice (she was a doula before) attend my homebirth and they were WONDERFUL! They mostly reassured me because I had a long and painful time pushing out a big posterior baby. The apprentice would rub my lower back while I was in the tub and bring me sips of water. (My husband is very sesitive man and he could hardly be there the last few hours.)

There is also something about having women there who had their babies at home..they know what you need more at this time than your husband might.
I would HIGHLY reccomend having a sensitive midwife attend your birth. I really did my homework though by interviewing, reading the information they gave me, and calling their referrals, and talking to other homebirth mamas I know. There are some midwives who are very intervention/clinical oriented. My midwives were very natural, gentle women who were truly "with woman" as the word midwife means. I liked that they also had oxygen and clotting agents in their bags and if they thought you or the baby was in danger they would tell you.
There are also birth centers. You could also try waterbirth (I can't imagine not having the tub!)
I hope this helps in your decision. Blessings, Jennifer

[fragglzmom]

I'm so sorry you had such a traumatic experience. It's good that you and DH are now acknowledging it to one another and are talking about it more.


I know that for me, having a doula at my first birth with an OB was a TREMENDOUS help. She just had a magic touch and voice that soothed me and made me go into myself. A surge would start in pain but she helped me get through it by using massage techniques, visualization, etc. This was all in a hospital while hooked up and having nurses poke at me, even! I won't say it was pain-free at all, esp. since I was encouraged to push quickly at the end, but I think I had less pain overall than what I hear others describe.

For my upcoming birth, I have hired a MW and will do a waterbirth at home. I'm very confident that the water will make a HUGE difference. Also, I have taken a HypnoBirthing class, which I just can't recommend enough to you. I don't have *proof* yet b/c I haven't actually given birth using the method, but using hypnotherapy to release fear and tension could really make all the difference in the amount of pain you feel. Birth doesn't really *have* to be painful. I could go on and on...if you'd like more concrete details, let me know!

[alicia9178]

I think the key is to just have someone with you. When we had spoken to midwives for a previous birth that we had hoped to have at home I found that as soon as I spoke to the person who fit what I knew I needed, I knew she would have been great. Whether that be a doula or a midwife, I don't think it will make a difference. However it might be very hard to find a doula willing to come to a UC. I had a hard enough time trying to find a doula for a homebirth, though my MWs apprentice is also a trained doula so that is a big plus.

I guess you just need to talk to as many people as you can, be upfront with what you want, and find the person who fits you the best. I wish you all of the luck in the world. My 1st birth (though in the hospital) was a very traumatic expereince so I feel for you and know the pain and depression that can result. Healing takes a while, so be patient with yourself.
Alicia