Originally Posted by OnTheFence
I think that goes for anything. Didn't you feel pressure to VBAC? I mean you were reading everything you could about it, coming here, talking to people in various forums about it and had this overall feeling that your cesareans were just this terrible god awful thing. Couldn't you say you fed that? I mean how many times have I read in these very forums the horrors of csections and how the risks are way over exagerrated. For the most part cesareans are safe, but if you go to ICAN or a VBAC site you may think that a cesareans could be equated with cutting a limb off or rape.
I've never been raped, but I understand why people here make that equation. I have been sexually abused, and my section felt worse than that. I'd go back to being a 12-year-old girl being groped by the school janitor in a second
if it would somehow guarantee that I'd never be in the OR having my belly and uterus cut open. That's not because of pressure here - that's why
I came here. I needed to talk to people who understand feeling that way.
The kind of pressure I was talking about in my other post wasn't the "VBAC is best" or even the "c-section is best" kind of thing. With my first section, I knew as soon as I'd regained enough consciousness to know my own name that I never, ever, ever wanted to go through that again. I don't really care if other people agree or disagree (although I could easily do without the "oh, that's the easy way" and "that's cheating" comments). I
didn't want to ever have another section. I still don't...I tend to try to forget how Emma and Evan got here - almost like they magically appeared as part of my family.
The pressure I meant is much, much more subtle, and definitely messed with me. When I had Evan, I was living at my mom's (long story involving immigration screw-ups, my mom's astronomical mortgage, a couple of lay-offs, etc.). All through the pregnancy, an old family friend who lives upstairs (has part ownership of the house) kept expressing concern about what I was going to do, and whether I would agree to a section under any circumstances. She doesn't have kids, and doesn't know anything about pregnancy or childbirth, as she freely admits. She was just concerned. My mom, who I love and like dearly, commented that I was obsessed with the c-sections...while still agreeing totally that a VBA2C was the way to go. And, then...when I was about 38 weeks...my mom, my sister, the friend upstairs were all asking me several times a day
"no baby yet?". The friend started with "I'm concerned. How long would you let this go...what will you do if you're late?". By the time my original EDD (u/s date was a week earlier) arrived, people had already behaving as though I was in the middle of an obstetrical crisis. On a gut level, I don't think I had any concerns. But, it's very difficult to live with people who are worrying about you constantly
and voicing their concerns constantly
without feeling as though something has gone horribly wrong. I have no doubt whatsoever that all that nonsense really weakened my resolve when my OB threatened to withdraw. They had me half-convinced that the baby really was in trouble. How can you pin down what your gut is telling you in a situation like that?
err...didn't mean for that to be an essay.