Did everything right, but...
ended up as a C/s anyway. I took the Bradley classes, I ate the right food, I did the exercises, and I learned how to breath. Labor started in a crappy way, with my water breaking with meconium staining. Now, with 20/20 hindsight, I have reasons and justifications for it. But, somehow, I had a hard time getting past the thought that I had failed. Nevermind I went for over 6 hours on pitocin with no pain medication. As a result, she was medicated for about 5 minutes while I was given the spinal and cut open, and was very bright and alert. Nevermind I was one (well, 3 if you count my equally inexperienced husband, and non-confrontational but very sweet mother) laboring woman against an entire institution. Nevermind that I had to take care of a new-born and recover from major abdominal surgery at the same time. Nevermind that we had an incredibly rocky start to nursing. Nevermind I persevered, and am still nursing her as she gets ready for her 2nd birthday.
A friend from my Bradley class also had a c/s. She got a "congratulatory" phone call from our instructor. She left a message on their machine, "Congratulations on the...uhh...umm, I guess 'birth' of your baby."
Of course, 3 out of the 5 couples in her class had c/s, so I guess she was a little grumpy about it. I was the last to give birth. I never got a phone call. This might have something to do with my sense of failure.
I guess I didn't realize I felt this strongly until I got it written out. I have seen a lot of judgement of laboring women. The fact is, until you go through it, regardless of whether it's at home or a hospital or in the woods, you don't know how you're going to react. I'm ttc our next child, and I don't know how I'll handle the next birth. I have a much better idea, and am taking steps to not repeat what went wrong with the first, but until I get there, I don't know. My hope is that I will be less judgemental and gentler with myself than I was with the first birth, and than most of the general public is.