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I think he's done being a SAHD

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Well, dh has been working for 3 weeks and is loving it. We have the kids at our old dcp and they seem to be adjusting just fine. We knew ds would be fine as he'd gone there for over 2 years. DD LOVES her and seems quite content there. The only hard part is getting ds to and from school.

For now we have it under control, dh doesn't go to work until noon so he can drop ds off at school then drops dd off at the dcp. Another parent then takes ds from school to sitters. I pick them up after work and dh works until 7 or 8pm. Not ideal but its working. It will suck as the weather gets cold since we only have one car now which dh uses. Everything, home - office - dcp, is within about a 7 block area so it's not a huge issue but if the weather is crappy it will just be a pita. I have a good friend/co-worker who lives close by and will always help me out with rides.

Since we were getting along fine on just my salary the extra money that is coming in is so nice! I actually got to go shopping last weekend for the kids and plan to go again next weekend, this time for myself! It feel so good to think hey, I can buy myself some new clothes and not beat myself up for breaking the budget. We put a bunch of extra $$ towards the principle on our car loan and will again next month adn that feels great. Dh backed into a light pole and put a tiny ($1100) dent into the van and we know we can fix it with no problem. That would not have been the case on just my salary.

That said, dh has said all along that he'd be happy to just do this one job (he's a contractor and is remodeling a house to be a rental property) and then be back home. Well, the owners are very pleased with his work and have three more properties they want him to do. They are fair, they pay on time, and seem to be doing quite well. He wants to do it and I'm torn.

He really enjoyed being at home but see's the kids adjusted well to day care so the extra money is drawing him to do the jobs. I love getting ahead! LOVE IT! But even though I dearly love our dcp, I was overall more content knowing the kids were home with dad.

My feelings are so mixed about this. < sigh >
post #2 of 5
That's a tough one! For me, I would probably not want to change the kids' situation too often, especially if they're happy. And the money would be a big incentive for me, too--it's so wearing to be just surviving all the time. So I guess I would want DH to keep working if he's happy about it and the kids are happy with your DCP. But then I'd wonder if I was being a bad mama!

So for me, the issue would be feeling guilty because I was enjoying having the extra bucks ... and thinking I should sacrifice that so my kids would be home. But if they're happy, you're happy, your DH is happy, why not keep things as they are?
post #3 of 5
Maybe see how the next three (or even just one or two) houses go? If you're still having mixed feelings then, it might be worth bringing up the issue with your husband again.

That feeling of being able to ride out those little financial bumps in the road is really important to me. I hated it when I was in my early 20s, in between jobs, and just living from paycheck to paycheck--and that was with no mortgage, no car, or any big financial obligations. Now I just don't think I could live with the worry.

But then again, I didn't have a child at that point (thank goodness! I don't think I would've survived the stress!), so I might make decisions differently with my baby as a factor. I love him to pieces, and being a parent has opened up all sorts of new emotional dimensions, but there is no denying that he's also closed off many professional options for me since I'm no longer willing to work FT.
post #4 of 5
Thread Starter 
Prior to him working we weren't necessarily living pay check to pay check. We were on top of our bills with a decent "entertainment" budget each month. Not huge, but not horrible either. We stash a good lot into our regular savings and into my retirement plan so there is money for rainy days, I'm just pretty firm on what's rain and what's not - a dent in the van is, umm, drizzle. :LOL And we were paying down the things that we want gone so we can buy a house in our neighborhood, rather than move to the burbs which we could do now. Granted it was a 4 year plan but there was a definite end in sight.

It felt so stable when he was at home and now its not. We seem to be rushing everywhere. Its kind of funny...in my work, I help to orchestrate smooth changes in the organization, and I do it well. I'm a great planner and executer. In my personal life, hate it, hate change hate change hate change! :LOL

Thanks for the feedback mamas!
post #5 of 5
My mostly SAHD Dh is a remodeler and he periodically gets the itch to go out and do stuff (although he has enough at home to keep him busy, in conjunction with ds-- eventually though he plans on doing decorative parquet a la russe, much of which would be done in an at home workshop to create the pattern, but laying it obviously would require out of home work). Then he feels like staying home again for a while-- I think he enjoys the domestic stuff as long as he has an ongoing home project that occupies his mind and creativity. Of course, when one needs a care provider for his itchy periods, it can be difficult, but right now a friend of ours has been able to baby sit when we need it (usually no more than 5 hours a day). You never know, your DH may do his projects and then decide to take a long break. ; ) At any rate, your DH has the morning with the kids, so that's pretty cool-- that's a good chunk of their day at home with dad.
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