How do you recognize the birthday of a loved one that is gone?

[lisap]

My DH's father died 25 years ago or so and today is his birthday. I want to do something special for DH as I can tell he is missing his father lately. But I don't know what to do. Should I just light some candles at dinner tonight? We used to celebrate his father's bday, but not anymore. Any suggestions?

[lisalou]

My grandfather's birthday is September 18th and every fall at some point my grandfather would get it into him to make kibbe sanniiya. If I was around we'd both go to a butcher and get the meat and any other ingredients and then I'd watch him make it. So every year since his death I try to make kibbe sanniiya in his memory. I think if your dh has some sort of ritual or whatever that he did with his father that might be a nice way to commemorate it. Or how did you used to celebrate it? Why not start that back up?

[mamadawg]

Have you asked him if he'd like to do something?

I always take my father's birthday off of work and/or don't plan anything on that day. Usually I go visit his grave and light a candle for him.

[lisap]

lisalou, that's a wonderful way to remember your grandfather. My DH has very few memories of his father even though he was 12 when he died. I was going to call my MIL and ask her if she had any thoughts on the subjest. We used to just have a dinner, but no one talked about him or really said anything. I think it's a bit akward b/c MIL remarried and her DH is not too keen on keeping up the tradition.

[lisap]

Originally Posted by mamadawg

Have you asked him if he'd like to do something?

I always take my father's birthday off of work and/or don't plan anything on that day. Usually I go visit his grave and light a candle for him.

No, I didn't ask him. But he has been taling about his dad a lot the last few days.

[eightyferrettoes]

I light a candle in a color that seems symbolic of the person.

If you have some item in the house that belonged to him or represents him in some way to your DH, you could make like a "mini-shrine" with just the item and the candle.

That kind of acknowleges and lets your DH talk about it, or not, as he sees fit.

[polka123]

Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes

I light a candle in a color that seems symbolic of the person.

If you have some item in the house that belonged to him or represents him in some way to your DH, you could make like a "mini-shrine" with just the item and the candle.

That kind of acknowleges and lets your DH talk about it, or not, as he sees fit.

oh, I totally do the same thing !!

& if possible, we try to do something that they loved to do...
ie: my Father is passed & he loved hanging out @ Barnes & Noble (yea, pure torture, right :LOL ) so we do that.

[Jen123]

In the case of my favorite uncle...I tell one of his dirty jokes.

For my Granny I wear her favorite shade of lipstick.

For my Uncle the jewler I wear one of his elaborate pieces.

[lisap]

thanks mamas. I never had the chance to mmet DH's dad, so I don't have any memories to go on. I think we can light a candle and let DH tell some stories about his dad to DD. I want her to know who he was too.

[Cloverlove]

Wow. Today is my dear brother's birthday who died 13 years ago.

I didn't do anything. After reading this thread, I really wish I had lit a candle at dinner and told stories.

It really is amazing how the passage of time has helped. I used to take the whole day off and go for a long bike-ride or hike.

[kirei]

Originally Posted by Cloverlove

Wow. Today is my dear brother's birthday who died 13 years ago.

I didn't do anything. After reading this thread, I really wish I had lit a candle at dinner and told stories.

It really is amazing how the passage of time has helped. I used to take the whole day off and go for a long bike-ride or hike.

Theres still time to light a candle, though.

[lisap]

Cloverlove, you can still light a candle.

Well we lit a candle at dinner and DH was a bit surprised, but happy. Thanks mamas!

[LoveBeads]

In the Jewish faith, it is customary to light a candle and say a prayer for the living. It is called a "Yahrtzeit" candle and it burns for 24 hours.

The other thing we do is buy helium balloons and write a happy birthday message on it and then release it.