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Adoption Criticism - Page 4

post #61 of 152
I didn't mean that adoption = buying and selling of infants. I meant that money is such a part of it and that companies profit from it.

My husband and I have been talking about adopting a child or children later on because - same as pp - the thought of my baby growing up alone, shuffled from place to place, breaks my heart.

You have given me a lot of things to think about.
post #62 of 152
When my children have grown and moved out, I will open my home to older children stuck in the foster care system. I will not try to replace their parents, or continue being a mommy to them, just give them a safe loving place where they are always welcome. I hope that answers your question on providing a safe place for children who truly need it. I do realize that not every parent is in the right mind and place to parent their children. Some children are abused by their natural parents, and when it truly isn't a safe place for them to be, then yes, going somewhere else to another family, for safety, love and support is definately in the best interest of the child. As is being honest with them about their situation, and allowing them to continue to be themselves.

Until then, I will continue my work against the adoption industry, I will continue to do what I can to change the laws as I think all people involved with adoption should be doing.

How do you know, that the infant or child you are adopting doesn't have a "biological" family out there capable of raising him/her?

thanks for listening and being so respectful...
post #63 of 152
Thread Starter 
I guess in some ways you don't ever know for sure. Although there maybe an extended relative who is able to care for the child doesn't mean they may want to. I totally see where you are coming from about the child having names changed on their birth certificates and it not being their choice. I had never thought of it that way and it I guess I don't agree with it either. There are so many things that need improving.

I hope for my childs sake that I am able to get as much information as possible about their biological family and help her along the way. I wish I could know more about them and possibly meet them but it doesn't seem likely.
post #64 of 152
Wow, have I been educated this morning! I never realized it was possible to be AGAINST adoption! OK, well, I did, but I didn't think it was among the general American population!

I am adopted, US, private agency, 28 years ago, and thankful somebody wanted me! (Of course, I was a baby...everybody wants a baby.)

If my $$ situation allowed for it, I'd definently look into adoption. Yes, I can have kids. That's not the point. The point is, there *are* kids who need homes. And I probably would look internationally. Partly because I don't think it matters where you are from, and partly because I wouldn't want to deal with the possibility that the birth mom might change her mind or that someday a bio dad might show up and say he didn't know about the child so now he wants to take the child away.....


Now to the negative comments I've encountered. I'm Muslim, and I've spent some time in discussion groups with other Muslims on the internet. I've had people tell me I should not live in the same house as my dad because he's not my blood relative, I'm doing something shameful and horrible by living with my parents because of that. (I don't live with them NOW, I'm married, LOL but when I did.)
I've had people tell me I have an obligation to go find my 'real' family and if I don't, I'm committing a horrible sin because we're supposed to maintain ties with our families.

Here's my take on that. My adoptive parents ARE my parents!! I was 2 months old when I came home with them, I've never known anything else, and they did a WONDERFUL thing. My birth parents, whoever they are, wherever they are, for whatever reason, decided they couldn't raise me. Their decision, not mine. Not my problem to go and try to force a relationship. If they wanted to, I'm sure I'd be easy to find. I have lived my entire life within 60 miles of the same place and 3-4 hours from where I was born. And I'm NOT going to stop treating them like my parents simply because a few extremists of a religion I chose to convert to believe that I should.

And then there's my best friend, another American Muslim, who agrees with me and says all those people are full of crap and my parents (all adoptive parents) are doing a wonderful thing taking in children who have no family. *She* was going to adopt a child at one point because she and her husband couldn't have a baby. Unfortunately, or maybe it was the best thing for the child, they decided the child would be better off being adopted by the foster mom he was with. (older child with some emotional problems) It was actually a friend of hers who was the foster mom, so she still sees the child sometimes. She's never said if anyone criticized her for wanting to adopt, but then, she's not the kind of person who would spend a minute thinking anything about it if they did.

Anyway *I* think whether you're going international or not, older child or infant, first, second, or more child, you're all doing a *wonderful* thing--bottom line is that child needs a home and family and you're giving it. I would be doing the same if I could. (debt, low-end job, etc. don't allow it now.)
post #65 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sitara
When my children have grown and moved out, I will open my home to older children stuck in the foster care system. I will not try to replace their parents, or continue being a mommy to them, just give them a safe loving place where they are always welcome. I hope that answers your question on providing a safe place for children who truly need it.
I am wondering, do you believe that adoption should be an option for older kids who wanted to be adopted? Because I worked for several years in the foster care system, and I can tell you definitely that I have met many teenagers who desperately, desperately want a family. Not a guardian, a family. A mom and a dad. Somewhere that they belong, not just a safe place to live. They want the whole deal, with the attendant emotional security of being adopted.

Quote:
How do you know, that the infant or child you are adopting doesn't have a "biological" family out there capable of raising him/her?
People who adopt from Ethiopia often don't know this. However, in our case, my son was found by the police and spent his first 21 months in an orphanage. No one ever showed up to claim/raise him. My daughter's parents are dead, and yes, she does have biological family, and they took her 8 hours from her home and left her in an orphanage for kids with HIV because they were desperate for her to get some treatment so she wouldn't die. HIV treatment is not available in southern Ethiopia. They know she is being adopted and have given us their contact information. They want her to be adopted so she will have a chance to live. We plan to give her our surname because she will be our daughter, but just because she is our daughter doesn't mean she isn't also part of her biological family or that she's not being honest about who she is. As open adoption shows, kids don't have to be from one family or another, exclusively. They can be from both. Both her biological background and her current circumstances are all a part of who she is. The same with our son. He is not "someone different" simply because he lives here rather than in Ethiopia. His LIFE is different, but HE is still him.

Namaste!
post #66 of 152
I am wondering what the definition of *mom* is?
Is mother the person who gave birth to you or the person who nurtured and loved you for your entire life?
I'm also wondering if anyone else here has a more spiritual approach to adoption... not so biological.
I've heard adoptive moms say that they *know* they were *meant* to be the mothers of the babies they've adopted and I think I tend to believe that.

I see that I've been all over the place with my posts (if anyone is following) but that's because I'm processing this as I go. I, like some others here, have never considered that someone would be "against adoption". But then, I can see many of those points. Anyway, as I think out loud...

I tend to believe that things happen in your life for a reason. To help make you the person that you are, to give you opportunities to grow emotionally and spiritually. You can choose to view them as negative, or you can see them for what they are... lessons. I think we are guided. But I think we have free choice whether or not to allow ourselves to accept this guidance. So I completely believe that some women are *guided* (and I do mean in a miraculous kind of way) to find children that may not be theirs biologically but are theirs spiritually. Children they were *meant* to be mothers for.

I am relieved to read, Zakers mom, that some adoptees are able to move beyond the tenuous thread that is biology and grab onto the lifeline of love offered.
And dharmamama, thank you for bringing up the point of children *WANTING* a family. Wanting to be adopted. I was struggling to put a similar thought into words.
Quote:
When my children have grown and moved out, I will open my home to older children stuck in the foster care system. I will not try to replace their parents, or continue being a mommy to them, just give them a safe loving place where they are always welcome.
The above quote from Sitara (I don't know how to do the other kind of quote) seemed to be missing an important element. A warm, safe place doesn't equal a family. Knowing that you are important to someone. Knowing that you are loved no matter what. Permanency. I think kids need that. Same as toddlers need boundaries to feel safe as they navigate this big scary world for the first time... children need permanency. I think they WANT a mommy.
post #67 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by artgirl
I'm also wondering if anyone else here has a more spiritual approach to adoption... not so biological.
I've heard adoptive moms say that they *know* they were *meant* to be the mothers of the babies they've adopted and I think I tend to believe that.
My son was born to be my son. His name is the Ethiopian version of a name we were considering for my daughter had she been a boy. His birthday is the same month as hers, one year later. We wanted to adopt a 4-6 year old boy. When we received the waiting child list, there were no 4-6 year old boys on it. There was, however, a boy with the name we would have given my daughter, born the same month as my daughter. Young enough that he should have been snapped up by some other adoptive family in the months he was waiting at the adoption agency's group home. But he came to us. To me, that's too much to be just "coincidence" or sentimentality.

Also, as a Buddhist, I know that everything that happens to us is the result of our past karma (the effects of our actions in our countless previous lives). It was my son's birthparents' karma to have a child they couldn't parent. It was our karma to find our son. It was his karma to be born to one family in Ethiopia and raised by another in America. This was the way it had to happen. Similarly, it is the result of my own (negative) karma that my daughter has a life-threatening illness. It is the result of my daughter's birthfamily's bad karma that their daughter was born with a life-threatening illness. It is the result of their karma that they died of this same illness. It is, unfortunately, my daughter's own karma that she have this disease. Those are the negatives. The positives are, it is the result of my fortunate karma that I will have another beautiful daughter in my family. It is the result of her birthfamily's positive karma that their orphaned daughter will be loved by an additional family. It is my daughter's felicitious karma that she become part of our loving family, a family with the location and resources to treat her illness. This is the way it had to happen.

That's my own take on the spiritual view of adoption.

Namaste!
post #68 of 152
MAny times an adoptive parent "knows" their child didnt have a bilogical parent/family available to parent them. I know my child didnt as she was taken into state custody for neglect and abandonment. Her biological grandmother also was involved in the process of her being adopted eventually. Most adoptions done domestically the family knows very well that their child is being adopted and the family does as well. Either the child was placed for adoption willingly by the birth mother or the state terminated parental rights because of abuse or what have you. Child protective services goes often to "extreme measures" to keep children with their biological mother/family. I know of several occasions where children placed in foster care, returned with a biological mother, returned to foster care, returned to the biological parent etc. Then eventually parental rights were terminated after repeated attempts to reunite the child with the birth parent. Of course one could argue that in international adoptions that is a realisitc possibility that there are is a biological parent or family member to keep the child. Personally that is one of the reasons I am bias as to adopting children domestically.
post #69 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama
I am wondering, do you believe that adoption should be an option for older kids who wanted to be adopted? Because I worked for several years in the foster care system, and I can tell you definitely that I have met many teenagers who desperately, desperately want a family. Not a guardian, a family. A mom and a dad. Somewhere that they belong, not just a safe place to live. They want the whole deal, with the attendant emotional security of being adopted.
My dh desperately wanted his foster family (the most long-term of the 5) to adopt him. They wanted to give he and his sister some stabiltiy and legal protection. His mother was always, and is today, a very big part of their life (she's severely mentally ill) and was in agreement with the idea. The state wouldn't allow it. Instead, they took them away from this situation after 3 years because god forbid they become attached : , and sent them to live with an aunt and unlce.

Said aunt and uncle were wealthy pillars of the community and well they were blood for goodness sake. What dh got there were weekly severe beatings, constant emotional abuse and just generally treated like shit.

I don't know where I'm going with this. There are always two sides to every story. I agree with points from both sides. I don't believe that adoption should be abolished but I also don't believe that the system(s) are even close to being perfect.
post #70 of 152
artgirl wrote
Quote:
I am wondering what the definition of *mom* is?
Is mother the person who gave birth to you or the person who nurtured and loved you for your entire life?
We are struggling with this - on the father side. My ex removed himself from the picture right after we divorced. We are planning to start the process for dh to adopt him soon, money willing. I want my son to know his heritage and his ethnicity. He knows what I think is appropriate for him to know now. I also want him to understand that my ex chose not to be a parent to him (without coming off as a bitter b*%ch) and that parenting is much more than providing some genetic material.

Another question with no perfect answer I suspect...
post #71 of 152
Quote:
I am wondering what the definition of *mom* is?
Is mother the person who gave birth to you or the person who nurtured and loved you for your entire life?
I think it's both. I don't think it has to be either/or.

Quote:
I'm also wondering if anyone else here has a more spiritual approach to adoption... not so biological.
I've heard adoptive moms say that they *know* they were *meant* to be the mothers of the babies they've adopted and I think I tend to believe that.
I just wanted to mention that I've attended a number of panel discussions with birth mothers in past few years, and I've heard many of these birth moms express similar things--as they set out to choose a family to place their child with, they often had quite spiritual experiences in knowing exactly which family was supposed to be "the" family, and it often ended up being a family they wouldn't have initially considered. Our family recently experienced the opposite side of this with a failed adoption. We were asked by a young woman we know to adopt her baby. We all felt good about it, and of course we said "yes". After a few months, she started to feel like we weren't the right family. It wasn't anything specifically about us that she disliked (on the contrary, we are still close and have a good relationship)--she just had feelings of unrest and felt deep down that her daughter was supposed to be with someone else. When she finally found that family, she did have the strong spiritual confirmation that she needed to be able to choose them and not look back.

(Of course in order for a process like this to work, the choice of adoption has to be completely up to the birth parents--there can be no coercion or pressure involved.)

I had a very intense experience with my own ds when he was just a few months old where I *knew* that I was supposed to be his mom, and I knew also that he, even as an infant, *knew* that too.

I have enjoyed hearing how other people's religious beliefs, life experiences, etc have impacted their views on adoption. I think that our views on adoption, or on anything else in life, don't exist in a vacuum. My own spiritual beliefs definitely affect how I view adoption. I don't believe that our existence begins at conception. I believe that we existed before we were conceived, in a different realm, and that we had associations with each other and particularly with the people that we would be with here in this life. So because of this, I definitely don't believe that biology defines parenthood, or that it is the be-all, end-all of family relationships. I believe that all relationships began spiritually. At the same time, also I don't believe that biology is of no importance. I believe that God created the conditions of biology too, and that they are important, just not the overriding factor. I feel that even for parents who give birth, the relationships are inherently spiritual as well--it's not just an adoption thing

There is much more to my beliefs, but it would take all day to describe how I feel and how it relates to adoption.

I think the most important thing to remember is just to be open to the fact that our children might not experience or perceive adoption the same way that we do. I can do my best as a parent to share with my child the positive beliefs that I have, but if he or she struggles with it, then my job is to step back and support and love unconditionally and remember that while I can have the experience of being an adoptive parent, I cannot share my child's experience of being adopted, and I cannot define that experience for him or her.

I have appreciated Sitara sharing her thoughts, even though I take a different viewpoint with much of what she said. I'm glad that this discussion has been respectful--I've had my eyes opened.
post #72 of 152
A warm, safe place doesn't equal a family. Knowing that you are important to someone. Knowing that you are loved no matter what. Permanency. I think kids need that. Same as toddlers need boundaries to feel safe as they navigate this big scary world for the first time... children need permanency. I think they WANT a mommy.[/QUOTE]


I agree with the above. Why does adoption = the above to you? Is it not possible to give someone permanency without falsifying birth certificates, and sealing records?
I have also stated, that if someone WANTS their name changed to someone they feel connected with then by all means let it happen, i'm not against it when someone wants it, but let it be their decision.

Of course people want a mommy, but that doesn't mean that anyone should be allowed to just pay money, and call themselves a mommy. These people have a mother. She may not have been a good one, but they do have one. She may not be in their life, but still, she exists, or existed.

That doesn't mean that someone else can be a motherly figure, and care for them, nurture, love and offer them permanence. i have ( believe it or not ) adoptive & foster parent friends who have done this exact thing. They are wonderful role models to the adoptive / foster parent community.

shoot, how do i quote twice? sorry guys if i mess this up...

[I]Either the child was placed for adoption willingly by the birth mother or the state terminated parental rights because of abuse or what have you.[/I]

There is so much coersion, overseas, and in the united states, I just want to throw that in too, that sometimes its not willingly. I don't have statistics, but i've heard it enough times, to know it happens.


dharma - i'm wondering if some foster children get it into their heads that adoption is the only answer because thats what is put there by the system. I mean, I had friends in the foster care system, who continually tried to go back to their mothers, they would run away from their new foster home, and just get taken away again. But i do know that some DO wholeheartedly want to be adopted. The difference being, they know who they are, know where they came from, know their original name, and won't have to pay thousands for a hope of being able to get their records.

I think, there is a big difference between older foster children adoption and infant adoption. But I would do my best to meet their needs as a foster parent.

I am a very spiritual person. This has been one of the hardest things for me to concept. i can't put a place on it, i think because I am so emotionally involved in the subject.

with that being said, i thank you all for listening to me, i can't do this though, a few months back i stopped posting on adoption boards, and then I made a post here, i get to emotionally involved, and it upsets me. I'm pregnant, due in 3 weeks, and bringing up these emotions right now...isn't that good for me.

thanks for listening and being respectful.
post #73 of 152
Sitara, I wish you a really calm and peaceful birth and a great recovery. Good luck!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sitara
There is so much coersion, overseas, and in the united states, I just want to throw that in too, that sometimes its not willingly. I don't have statistics, but i've heard it enough times, to know it happens.
I don't have any direct statistics either, but I'm sure you've all studied examples like the Magdalen Laundries. The statistic I do have, though, is that in 1972, the year my DH was born, 30,000 babies born of Irish mothers were adopted in the UK alone. That doesn't include the number of Irish babies adopted in Ireland or sent to the US, and there were a lot of babies going to the US still.

30 years later, in 2002, there were 11 children put up for adoption in Ireland. That's it.

What had happened in the interveneing years was a tremendous social change. Housing and welfare payments for single mothers, access to birth control (but not abortion), relief from the restrictive shame of illigitimate pregnancy, and a family-oriented foster system were the big changes.

To me, that says that most women would rather not part with their children. Given the resources, they will almost universally make the choice not to surrender their child for adoption.
post #74 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starr
Is/Has anyone else experienced this? When we decided to adopt we knew there would come a time when we would run into people who did not agree about adoption in general, we further tried to prepare ourselves for those that would be so against us adopting a child of a different race. It wasn't so much that we weren't comfortable with our decision we just wanted to be prepared on how to respond for when the child was older not to make them feel uncomfortable.

What we did not expect was the amount of criticism or comments on us adopting from a different country and not one from here in the US. It seems like everywhere we go people are asking us why not adopt from here or children in the US need good homes too. I genuinely understand on how they are curious as to how adoption works and are clueless on all the requirements and how they can vary from cuntry to country, when people are truly curious I don't mind answering their questions. Usually they start off by asking why adopt from Guatemala? I (briefly) explain about requirements or DH gets directly to the point and says because that is where our child is being born. Then I ask them why do they ask. Nine out of ten times its, "because there are still children here in the US that need good homes, you don't need to adopt a child from somewhere else."

By the time we leave I usually end up fuming. One time I had a complete stranger so appalled that we would "better" a child from a different country than ours, that I finally lost it and spoke my peace. I basically told her," how wonderful it must be to sit back and criticize others on something you yourself are refusing to do. If you feel that strongly that children here need help, what are you doing? How many darlings are you willing to take into your home and parent? Thats right, none, instead its easier for you to stand here and tell me which children I should help out first. All children deserve good homes, and unless you yourself are willing to take one in don't tell me where I should be deciding to adopt." I mean I COMPLETELY lost it. I felt terrible afterwards, but this lady in particular was just being so mean. This was all said in a Target by the way when we were waiting in line to ask a salesman a question in the baby department and she cut in because she was expecting (her words not mine) and therefore should get help right away.

I am appalled that people feel that it is wrong to adopt a child from a different country instead of your own. I know there must be better ways to handle these probing questions. I know I can always say something and walk away, but the devil comes out of me and I want them to realize why that line of thinking is wrong. Sorry for the vent, just curious how others handle it for next time.



Well, I feel sorry for you. That was awful. What gall, what nerve people have. I would not adopt here in the US and I will tell you why. The adoption laws favor the bioparents. They do not take into consideration the feelings and needs of the child NOR the adoptive parents. I will not adopt a child and then the biomom can just come a few years later and rip the child away from me like I am just a glorified babysitter. No freaking way.

I would not feel guilty about telling people to go get bent.
post #75 of 152
Hi Guys,

I haven't finished reading all the posts, but I just wanted to thank the anti-adoption folks for making me think without feeling attacked.

I am a gleefully happy adoptive mother of two amazing children who I love more than life itself. That said, I truly wish for humanity's sake that adoption was not necessary. I wish we lived in a world that that gave women more power over their own reproductive choices. I wish we lived in a world that supported poor families in a way that allowed them to care for their unplanned, but not unwanted, children. I wish we lived in a world where racism doesn't exist and where a mother of one race didn't have to fear her family's wrath if she got pregnant by a man of a different race/religion etc. These are things we need to work towards.

I wanted children. I've seen the orphanages. I don't think the children in those orphanages should have to wait while the powers that be decide on the global politics and economics that determine their lives. They will be waiting forever because the world is currently being run by war mongers and people of such staggeringly greedy natures that it beggars belief. I think it is better to be raised by a family than in an institution. I wish for Kazakh children's sake, more Kazakhs would adopt them, but there is a stigma in Kazakhstan against the CHILDREN (can you believe that?) as if it were their fault they were placed in a babyhouse. People there think they will all turn out to be thieves or prostitutes, no matter what. There needs to be a global shift in the way we care for families, and frankly, I think it is going to be a while before that happens.

Baby screaming, gotta go, be right back!
post #76 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle
I will not adopt a child and then the biomom can just come a few years later and rip the child away from me like I am just a glorified babysitter.
This can not happen when an adoption is finalized, which is generally six months after the child comes to your home (but that does not mean that the birthparents have six months to change their minds). This can ONLY happen if the adoption has not been finalized, and that usually only happens if there are problems pretty much right from the start (for example, in the Baby Jessica case, the bio father never signed away his rights, and both the bio father and the adoptive parents hired lawyers and fought for the child, and it dragged out for over two years. My personal opinion is that the adoptive parents were in the wrong.). You hear about those cases precisely because they are the exception. If this type of thing happened every day, it wouldn't be news.

Namaste!
post #77 of 152
OK, I'm back and dd is happily munching on banana bread while ds showers with dh.

OK, I have to say I have lost sleep over the idea that my children's birth mothers were coerced into placing them. But I wonder if they were because in Kazakhstan, there is no guarantee that relinquishing custody=adoption for the kids. I have also worried about the coruption that seems inherent in international adoption. Considering the cost to the families, it seems like very little of that money goes to the care of the kids.

I have worried deeply about being part of the problem. That my desire for children outwiehed my concern for the way the system work. That I am one of those people who got her kids first and NOW that they are home, can gfo ahead and try to help things get better. these are thoughts that kjeep me up at night. I am not looking for comforting words here. I am just acknowledging that I am aware that we may be part of the problem, not the solution.

Do I think that my children are better off with us than in the babyhouse. ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I worry about their feelings about adoption down the road, but mostly I just worry about the same stuff every parent worries about. Their health and happiness overall.

I guess the anti-adoption posts have made me think again about adoption. I still think it is a wonderful way to build a family, but I see and respect the opinions of those who don't and I am deeply grateful that they expressed their concerns her. I love the fact that this is a gentle, thoughtful and kind discussion.

I hope I have not offended anyone here. If I have please accept my apologies. I am proud to be part of this board .
post #78 of 152
Quote:
Originally Posted by dharmamama
This can not happen when an adoption is finalized, which is generally six months after the child comes to your home (but that does not mean that the birthparents have six months to change their minds). This can ONLY happen if the adoption has not been finalized, and that usually only happens if there are problems pretty much right from the start (for example, in the Baby Jessica case, the bio father never signed away his rights, and both the bio father and the adoptive parents hired lawyers and fought for the child, and it dragged out for over two years. My personal opinion is that the adoptive parents were in the wrong.). You hear about those cases precisely because they are the exception. If this type of thing happened every day, it wouldn't be news.

Namaste!
Believe it or not, I do agree about the baby Jessica case. The adoptive parents should have not taken the baby or should have given her back immediately.

But, it DOES happen. Recently we had a case here in FL where an adoption was finalized. The father could not be found. They looked and searched and placed ads in papers where he might be and contacted his family. They did it by the book. Months went by and no contact from him, so per the LAW, the adoption went through. A couple of years later he shows up and wants the kid. Never mind that he is of unsavory character, etc, and the poor child is with the ONLY mom he has ever known. No, he was given permission to rip this child away from the adoptive parents.

Now, tell me HOW does this benefit the child at 3 yrs old? I think, in this case, the biodad was selfish and immature. I hope the state of FL enjoys it when the kid is messed up later and is back in the system, due to their fault.

The adoptive parents in that case cannot appeal. It is like they never mattered. I find that personally sickening.

BTW~I am an adoptee. I knew my birth mom, as she was the sister of my adoptive mom. She is now deceased and I still, to this day, appreciate her unselfishness of making sure I had a home and a life that she was unable to provide for me.
post #79 of 152
Adoption laws need to change. Period. The welfare of the child and the adoptive parents should matter, along with the "rights" of the bio parents. However, adoptive parents are often treated like glorified baby sitters. That is wrong.
post #80 of 152
TinkerBelle, I can't help looking at these two comments side by side:

Quote:
Originally Posted by vermonttaylors
I still think it is a wonderful way to build a family, but I see and respect the opinions of those who don't and I am deeply grateful that they expressed their concerns her. I love the fact that this is a gentle, thoughtful and kind discussion.
vs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TinkerBelle
Adoption laws need to change. Period. The welfare of the child and the adoptive parents should matter, along with the "rights" of the bio parents. However, adoptive parents are often treated like glorified baby sitters. That is wrong.
...which certainly is not respectful.

I couldn't agree more that adoption laws need to change. But I've been respectful about expressing my view that it needs to change to protect the rights of the natural mother and the rights of the child. I could have come in to this exchange saying "Birth mothers are often treated like unglorified baby delivery machines", but I don't think that's constructive.
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