Thanks Mamas
DS is 3 1/2 years old.
We were having lunch at a chinese restaurant.
I took him there directly from pickup from preschool (so, yes, now I am getting a break in the mornings) and we were dining with a close friend of his (4 years old) and her mother.
DS was probably very tired and hungry. He's getting over a cold. He's been typically eating lunch at 12:30 and napping by 1:30 all week, so it was against my better judgement to take him there. BUT he loves this little girl and sometimes the excitement of a good playdate can put off the need to sleep.
Anyway, what set him off: we have been on a food elimination diet and it has been very frustrating for both of us. At the restaurant, they have the little bowls of duck sauce and the noodle chips on every table - so, as he is eating them I realize that he is probably eating a lot of corn syrup and wheat (from soy sauce) and maybe even Red 40.
Anyway, my friend does not let her dd eat "junky food" and decided that it was time to take away the noodle crackers and duck sauce so she wouldn't ruin her appetite for healthy food. I agreed and explained to ds that since we were eating together it would be polite to respect this "no junky food" rule. Well, ds melted down when the duck sauce was taken away. I let him keep the noodle crackers bc the way he eats soup is by dipping crackers in it (rice crackers, usually) and his egg drop soup had just arrived. "But the soup is hot! I want the duck sauce!" he cries.
Against my better judgement (again) I decided to continue to respect the no duck sauce rule at the table. You know, if it was just me and him I would not have cared so much if he ate the whole bowl of sauce and noodle crackers (aside from the fact that they are probably filled with poison for his body) but I caved in to the pressure of removing them from the table.
Anyway, he was inconsolable. The main dishes arrived, but he was on the floor, screaming. I took him outside to try to calm him down, and explained that we could not stay (and would not be allowed to stay; in fact, we probably would be asked to leave) if he continued to scream and yell. I offered him a choice: we could stay and eat with his friends if he could calm down, or we could go home and nurse and take a nap. He opted to stay, and calmed down for the most part. He made his own condition: that he stand at the table instead of sit in a chair. OK.
We went back in. 10-20 seconds later, he notice the soy sauce bottle on the table. He wanted to pour it in his soup. I explained to him that that wasn't an option, and that it had wheat in it. He was relentless. I moved the bottle to another table. He started erupting again. There was no going back. I told him that we could not stay if he did not remain calm, and that if he could not calm down, I would have to ask to have our food wrapped up to go, pay the check, and then we would leave.
He did not calm down, so I did as much. He started to shriek and scream that he didn't want to go. As I was paying the bill, he bit me so hard on my arm that I now have a huge welt on it. I almost slapped him it hurt so much (I caught myself!).
I apologized to my friend and her dd, who was now sobbing bc we were leaving, and took ds out, kicking and screaming, with the horrified expressions of all the staff following us out.
He was beyond communicating with by now. It was not going to get better. From experience I knew that this could go on for 20-30 minutes more. I offered to nurse, but he couldn't hear me. At this age I can no longer calm him with nursing every time he is upset (he doesn't always want to).
So, I HAD to get him home ASAP bc it was only going to get worse. I carried him most of the way, but he is 45 lbs and very strong and was beating on me really hard. I swear one day one of his head butts will knock me out cold.
Once we got to our corner, I put him down and walked toward our building. I said I couldn't carry him if he was going to beat on me. He ran after me screaming and crying.
And, wouldn't you know it, I forgot my keys???
Luckily we have a doorman and spare keys, but I had to ask for them while ds continued with his rage.
We got upstairs, and I told him that we were going straight to bed bc he was acting like he needed a nap. He fell asleep in ten minutes, but when I tried to slip away, He woke back up and wanted to nurse the other side.
I said (and I'm not proud of this) that I was so angry about what had happened and wanted to know why I should nurse him if he was always trying to hurt me by hitting or biting etc. I said other mean things that I don't want to repeat here.
Then I told him that I was too upset to nurse right now, and that we would be having quiet time. I went to read the newspaper, and left him alone. He resisted at first, but in a little bit let me be and did his own thing for about half an hour (can you believe it!) - I guess the
half nursing session helped him a little bit. After this he kissed my boo boo (the bite welt) and asked if he could nurse the other side, then when he did, fell asleep for three hours.
oy.
He's an angel when he's not freaking out on me!
ETA: we don't use the term "time out" but do encourage ds to take time for himself if he needs it to calm down. We don't "punish" but will suggest consequences, like, if he hits me with a toy, the toy will go bye bye for the rest of the day.
).
Next thing I know- Poof! He's out like a light. The poor thing was exhausted. And all I could think to myself was "DUH!"
: 
