first, i had never met my inlaws. i had talked with them over the phone before; they are simple uneducated folk from michigan. that's not just an insult- they really are simple and uneducated- with a total lack of desire to be educated. i mean, these people won't even watch movies about things they aren't already familiar with. you'll be talking to them, about something they like (i.e. some terribly tacky craft hobby) and if you even so much as mention another topic they just tune you out and say, "i don't know anything about that." and not even inquire about it. so for the first 3 days of their invasion in our very small studio apt., i did my very best to talk about whatever they wanted to talk about, and make them feel welcome and comfortable. i allowed them to hold their new grandbaby (ds, Tristan, 4.5mos) way more than i wanted to, fed them good food, and generally catered to their needs. Dh (karl) really wanted them to feel as if they could be in tristan's life even though they live so far away.
during these first few days, i tolerated way more crap from these people than i would tolerate from my own family, including:
1) MIL decided to tell me she thinks i am too young and risky for Dh, and that she feels i will eventually leave him and the baby.
2) Ds has been getting teeth and hence biting me occasionally, and MIL's advice, many times over, was "Just give him a little slap on the face when he does that!" not that she ever breastfed her babies.
3) MIL, again, lets me know she loved her babies more than i do, and got them every shot known to man , "and would have gotten more if they had them", and that ds was going to die because of me. to this i politley responded, "there are many books and articles i invite you to read if you would like to understand our decision to not get shots." and let it be.
4) FIL constantly felt the need to set ds down in this little Combi baby rocker we have (and use only when we're trying to do something important, like go to the bathroom and such) instead of holding him, without strapping him in so he can't flip out, and refused to return him to me if they weren't going to interact with him!
5)MIL: "you'll have to get him on the bottle, sometimes it's just easier to give him formula, like when you're out shopping or in church..." ... "...he'll have buck teeth if you don't give him a pacifier!" "i hate those Jew-stores where they're always raising the prices!"- this woman is so anti-semetic it makes me want to throw up all over her.
6)FIL told me he wants to kick homeless people when he sees them. he will never be alone with my son. period.
and tons more like this...
and i wasn't online the whole time to vent here at mothering. waa.
and i had a terrible stomach flu on Christmas eve, and ds had it too.
well, things really went wrong on Christmas day, when MIL started badmouthing me to dh in the other room where i could hear it. i decided to politley ignore it and wait until dh did something. well, the Inlaws left to get breakfast, and DH tells me they're leaving (cutting their trip 10 days short) because i am cold and hostile and refuse to vaccinate my baby. i felt very upset because this whole time i have catered to them the best i could and all. but really i was happy to hear they were leaving, sad only for tristan as he probably won't have much time overall with his grandparents.
they come back, it's christmas celebration time with food and presents, and my mother is over. they wouldn't speak a word to me or even look me in the eye while i was opening presents and thanking them. i tried really hard to pretend nothing had happened. ds was still sick and so was i, so we kinda had an excuse to keep to ourselves and just nap. the Inlaws made a few very rude jabs at me to my mother!!!! grrrrrrr. once it was all over and my mom left, i decided to bundle ds up and go for a little walk for air. i told karl, and went to get him dressed and in the sling. MIL follows me, and says:
" so you're stealing the grandbaby from us now, is that it?" oh she's so bitter.
i just said i thought it was ridiculous that they would cut their visit with ds 10 days short and yet complain about me taking him for a 20 minute walk.
she got very evil and called me cold and hostile and was quite riled up. i told her i wasn't into having this discussion, it didn't seem productive. then FIL and dh came into the room, and FIL proceeded to yell at me like i presume he yells at children (not that i would respect anyone who acted so to children) in a loud voice about how cruel i am, but he didn't manage to finish his sentence before i said, "ok, this is so weird and backwards, there will be no yelling at me or my son by anyone, i'm leaving and Karl, get them the hell out of my house,!!!!!!!"
and i left. Karl told them they had to get a hotel and made them walk to get one (well, it was only 2 blocks away... but still)
i am told that MIL told karl it was like i was in High School, yet another jab at our age difference...
anyway, i told karl i never want to see them again and that's that- seriously, i have disowned real blood family over less than that and i'm not even related to these crazies! They were so bitter and mean to me, to come to my home and judge me and the way i am raising my son, and try to pit my dh against me...arrrgh!
thanks for listening.
, tabitha
btw, dh supported me the whole time, saying i was a wonderful mother and he loved me. i love karl!
during these first few days, i tolerated way more crap from these people than i would tolerate from my own family, including:
1) MIL decided to tell me she thinks i am too young and risky for Dh, and that she feels i will eventually leave him and the baby.
2) Ds has been getting teeth and hence biting me occasionally, and MIL's advice, many times over, was "Just give him a little slap on the face when he does that!" not that she ever breastfed her babies.
3) MIL, again, lets me know she loved her babies more than i do, and got them every shot known to man , "and would have gotten more if they had them", and that ds was going to die because of me. to this i politley responded, "there are many books and articles i invite you to read if you would like to understand our decision to not get shots." and let it be.
4) FIL constantly felt the need to set ds down in this little Combi baby rocker we have (and use only when we're trying to do something important, like go to the bathroom and such) instead of holding him, without strapping him in so he can't flip out, and refused to return him to me if they weren't going to interact with him!
5)MIL: "you'll have to get him on the bottle, sometimes it's just easier to give him formula, like when you're out shopping or in church..." ... "...he'll have buck teeth if you don't give him a pacifier!" "i hate those Jew-stores where they're always raising the prices!"- this woman is so anti-semetic it makes me want to throw up all over her.
6)FIL told me he wants to kick homeless people when he sees them. he will never be alone with my son. period.
and tons more like this...
and i wasn't online the whole time to vent here at mothering. waa.
and i had a terrible stomach flu on Christmas eve, and ds had it too.
well, things really went wrong on Christmas day, when MIL started badmouthing me to dh in the other room where i could hear it. i decided to politley ignore it and wait until dh did something. well, the Inlaws left to get breakfast, and DH tells me they're leaving (cutting their trip 10 days short) because i am cold and hostile and refuse to vaccinate my baby. i felt very upset because this whole time i have catered to them the best i could and all. but really i was happy to hear they were leaving, sad only for tristan as he probably won't have much time overall with his grandparents.
they come back, it's christmas celebration time with food and presents, and my mother is over. they wouldn't speak a word to me or even look me in the eye while i was opening presents and thanking them. i tried really hard to pretend nothing had happened. ds was still sick and so was i, so we kinda had an excuse to keep to ourselves and just nap. the Inlaws made a few very rude jabs at me to my mother!!!! grrrrrrr. once it was all over and my mom left, i decided to bundle ds up and go for a little walk for air. i told karl, and went to get him dressed and in the sling. MIL follows me, and says:
" so you're stealing the grandbaby from us now, is that it?" oh she's so bitter.
i just said i thought it was ridiculous that they would cut their visit with ds 10 days short and yet complain about me taking him for a 20 minute walk.
she got very evil and called me cold and hostile and was quite riled up. i told her i wasn't into having this discussion, it didn't seem productive. then FIL and dh came into the room, and FIL proceeded to yell at me like i presume he yells at children (not that i would respect anyone who acted so to children) in a loud voice about how cruel i am, but he didn't manage to finish his sentence before i said, "ok, this is so weird and backwards, there will be no yelling at me or my son by anyone, i'm leaving and Karl, get them the hell out of my house,!!!!!!!"
and i left. Karl told them they had to get a hotel and made them walk to get one (well, it was only 2 blocks away... but still)
i am told that MIL told karl it was like i was in High School, yet another jab at our age difference...
anyway, i told karl i never want to see them again and that's that- seriously, i have disowned real blood family over less than that and i'm not even related to these crazies! They were so bitter and mean to me, to come to my home and judge me and the way i am raising my son, and try to pit my dh against me...arrrgh!
thanks for listening.
, tabithabtw, dh supported me the whole time, saying i was a wonderful mother and he loved me. i love karl!
No, you are not evil Tabitha. WTF I think I would have told them to f*** off on day two 
. Welcome to the disturbing world of dysfunctional families. Love em or lump em.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself and your son's needs! What horrible behavior! It's amazing that those people managed to produce such a great son. I'm impressed that he stood up to them--a hard thing to do with parents, no matter how awful they're acting.
)
mamapoppins
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