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i kicked my inlaws out of my house this christmas. am i evil? (long) - Page 2

post #21 of 30
Tabitha - GREAT JOB not letting them all over you. And kudos to your dh for setting limits with his family, standing up to them, and supporting you. He sounds like a great husband.

Either you'll be better off not being around such negative, disrespectful IL's, or they will change their tune and not act like idiots around you. I think possibly they will change a little and improve so that they can see their grandchild?

Anyway, they wouldn't have changed ever if you hadn't put your foot down - so great job.
post #22 of 30
Quote:
Originally posted by rosiesmama
I have very little in common with my in laws but I have accepted the fact that they are not going to wake up one day and magically be the sensitive, deep thinking type, and so what? I think my MIL has also had to accept that I am never going to be the woman she wishes DH had married. I am sure I have been a disappointment to her as a daughter in law, too.
I have this problem, too! ((((To all who have IL problems)))) In addition to not being the woman that she wishes dh would have married, I refuse to live in his hometown--and so does he but he never tells her that! That makes me extra evil, I guess.

Hang in there, Tabitha. It took my dh 6 1/2 years of marriage to stand up to his mom and that was a month ago at Thanksgiving when she lied to me for the last time... I am pleased for you that Karl seems to have his head on straight. Give the il's some time to adjust to your relationship and the new grandbaby before you totally write them off. My mil has a tendency to spout off something offensive to me before she even realizes that it could be taken wrong. I spend a lot of time feeling like I am tiptoeing around, but my dds have decent relationships with mil.

And caller id helps...
post #23 of 30
Tabitha, sounds to me like you are one patient woman. You gave those people way more slack than they deserved. You handled the situation as well as anyone could, especially considering that you were sick with the flu during the whole ordeal.

Eventually you might find that your ILs mellow a little. Mine hated me for years, and I was none to fond of them either. It took a long time, but we are OK now. I think it is a blessing that you live a long way from them.

And your dh rocks to stand up to them and back you up!
post #24 of 30
Thread Starter 
Well, Karl (dh) has spoken to his sister, Laura, who lives in Michigan near his parents, the dreaded Inlaws. And the story gets worse- They went home with all kinds of news about how terrible and evil a mother I am! Of course, this was to be expected from vindictive folk like the Inlaws, but it really shocks me that Karl’s sister would have the nerve to repeat the crap They’ve said.

Apparently, while the Inlaws were out here and we went to Chinatown, I didn’t dress ds Tristan warmly enough and MIL ‘felt like she had to watch over me with Tristan,’ to make sure I don’t kill him. In my original post, when I was taking a walk with my son on Christmas day, and MIL came and said “So you’re stealing the grandbaby from us now, is that it?”, I am told that she was sure I would freeze him to death if we went out.

Moreover, one night while They were here I gave Tristan some Hyland’s teething Tablets, as he is very much teething. Of course the Inlaws do not understand and have no desire to understand homeopathy. Well, say 10 minutes later Tristan becomes calm again. No big deal, Karl and I are grateful he’s feeling better. But not MIL. She hovers over Tristan, telling us “something’s wrong with him!!! he’s too calm!!!” trying to get us worried, but we just respond, “no, he’s fine.” she even tried to flick at his feet to get him to somehow please her by being upset again!!!!grrrrrr. I finally said THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY SON! to get her to leave him alone.

Now that They’re back in Michigan where They belong, They’ve told Laura that we “doped him up” with these (homeopathic) teething pills, and they believe that his calmness was really epileptic shock.

To really put the cherry on top of all this, Karl told me yesterday that when he was bringing the Inlaws to the airport to leave, his Mother insinuated that they would help him take care of Tristan should he decide to leave me and take the baby with him.

Fortunately, my dh is sane, and would never leave me, and even if somehow he did would 1) never go near his parents’ home state and 2) never take Tristan with him.

I think, though, that if dh is at any fault (and he’s been really marvelous) it is this: he needs to let his parents know that he truly loves me, plans on spending the rest of his life with me, and feels as though we are good parents together. I don’t think they see us that way. I think they began judging our parenting skills back when we first got pregnant. Because our pregnancy was unplanned, they think we ‘weren’t ready’ or ‘didn’t want him’. None of that is true.

The less friendly side of my personality wants to call Them up and let them know just how unwanted THEY are.

I wouldn’t step in on Karl’s family, though, unless they were in my home.

Thanks for listening! tabitha
post #25 of 30
I say good for you, it is not okay to let others treat you like that. You can and should let small things slide to keep peace, but how they were treating you does not fit into that category. And I agree with you, I wouldn't have brought the vacs issue up, but I also wouldnt have hidden it after she said that. Children need to see that it is not okay for anyone to degrade another. So just trust that you did the right thing, and if they are meant to be in your son's life they will be, and they may not be. I can't believe your husband turned out so normal.
post #26 of 30
tabitha -
I'm once again reading your post and hooting away....my MIL told Dh that she _knew_ that he didn't want to live like this anymore and that she would pay his child support if he would divorce me....hmmmm. I could use the extra money lol
post #27 of 30
-you will always know that in your heart you did your best.
People who need respect are often the hardest to give it to-
I agree that noone should be a mat- but I think your DH and yourself handled yourselves quite appropriately and assertively-
GOOD FOR YOU!
giving my mom explanations and lectures often just gives her what she wants, a stage upon which to bicker and make herself the center of attention- I think you did justthe right thing- thankyou for your example.
post #28 of 30

Tabitha...

I am reading all of your posts and my mouth is on the floor. I am in Michigan and wonder if I live any where near these FREAKS

I can not believe the audacity of these people and the way they treated you. It is quite disgusting. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing by kicking them out of your home. Thank goodness you are married to a wonderful man that supports you and UNDERSTANDS that his parents are the strange ones.

Well so sorry this was your first encounter with your in-laws. But if it were me, it CERTAINLY would be the last. They sound like people from the movie Deliverance. Pretty scary.

You did everything in your power to make them welcome and they turned into lunatics before your eyes. Whatever happen down the road, NEVER let Tristan be alone with these people. These people sound like the kind of people capable of kidnapping for baby's own good...GEEZ!!!! So sorry this ruined your christmas...
post #29 of 30
Tabitha-

OMGsh!!!!

That your MIL would make such a huge deal of such minor things does speak volumes about how much she can be trusted.

I wouldn't give her any info on anything. It really does sound like youdid the right thing.....some people do need to be kept out of our lives for our own good.

I think maybe your dh DOES need to go the extra mile and insist to his parents that you are both beyond capable in your parenting. And that he never wants to hear another thing on the subject. Period.

They sound crazy.



best of luck

mamapoppins
post #30 of 30
I am glad you stood up to them! After all they put you through it's a wonder you didn't literally kick them out!! If they come back I'm gonna kick them out of California!! :sinister


I can't believe they ruined your first Xmas with your baby. GRRRRrrrrrrrrr

I know they were even worse than you had time to describe in your post, and I amd SO sorry you had to deal with their trauma!!
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