post #1 of 1
10/9/05 at 4:31pm
Thread Starter 
Ohhh - where to start. My daughter will be 3 next week and is having VERY difficult time adjusting to her new brother's place in our family (he will be 5 mos next week). DD has always been a spirited, high-needs kind of girl. She is also very intelligent and verbal. Before DS came along, we spent all day playing - I would try to encourage independent play, but would only get 5 minutes from her, if even that. She would also only let "mommy do it" and was pretty hostile to DH. Since DS has come along, she has been a handful, to put it mildly. She can be very cooperative and mature, but more times than not, she is oppositional, aggressive and prone to tantrums. She hates that I spend time with DS. I still find time each day to play dollhouse or swing or go to the library etc... but she wants 100%, and if it's not all about her, she gets very angry. I'm so tired of the screaming and hitting! She hits me, DH and DS (him not so hard though) and will get right in poor DS's face and scream which is so scary for him, as you can imagine. She is also having a hard time with friends - hitting and grabbing/throwing toys. I'm so embarrassed - we are not going to be welcome much longer at our playdates. She's also throwing tantrums in public, which she never used to do. I used to be so proud that I could bring her anywhere - mall, stores, restaurants and she would be so well behaved - no longer. We have to leave most places these days. I try to be creative as possible with her, but it doesn't always work. I've also tried motivating her with putting colorful balls in a jar on the counter for cooperative behaviour (listening, sharing, being kind to her brother) and taking balls out for hitting/kicking. When she has accumulated 10 balls in the jar, she gets a reward (going to favorite kids restaurant/picking out small toy in a store etc...). It seemed to work at first, but now I'm beginning to wonder since the aggressive behaviour is still happening. I don't know what to do. Will this just pass?! Or should I be doing something differently? I read "Parenting without Punishing", which was a great book, but I think most of the suggestions are more suitable for 6+ years.