Yet another AI question

[2happymamas]

DW and I are trying to finalize plans for TTC #1. We are using a known donor, Bob, who we know from school. DW and I both want to carry a child and she plans to go first b/c of her age...I will be 28 and she will be 35. We planned to both do at-home inseminations. You know, give Bob a magazine or movie and inseminate as soon as he produces "the goods."

We like the idea of a non-medical insemination b/c we think it would be more comforting and special to conceive at home vs. a cold metal table in the doctor's office. Also, we like the idea of it being nearly free!

Here's the question, with DW's age, should be skip the at home inseminations and go straight to the doctor for IUI (I think that is what it would be)? We feel like at the age of 35 and coupled with the fact that her mother started menapause in her mid-forties, we cannot afford to waste a year inseminating at home. I guess we are afraid that for whatever reason, it will not work.

Truth be told, money is not a deciding factor. We would spend the 15-20,000 on IVF if it was necessary. Would you recommend skipping the at-home inseminations or try them? We just do not feel that we have time on our side... the older the woman, the greater chance of problems.

[Diane B]

Here's my two cents. I would visit a doctor and get some tests to try to guage how "young" your partner still is in terms of fertility. I have forgotten the details, mercifully, but someone on this board can no doubt fill you in. Also, she should be charting to make sure her cycles are still regular, and to be sure she is still ovulating regularly (you can use an over the counter test and also check basil body temp.) I started trying to get pregnant at age 39 and I think the general recommendation in the late 30's is to try 6 months without medication. There's a lot of room for intervention between doing it at home without any intervention, and IVF. There are various drugs that can help out the process short of IVF. Also, reproductive fertility clinics in my area often have waiting lists, so it might not hurt to get on one in case you need it in the future.

Best wishes on your journey!

[HippoMommy]

I was 34 when DP and I started TTC #1. I charted my cycle (using basal body temp) for 5 months, used an ovulation predictor kit for a cycle or 2, and we did one cycle at home insemination. We ended up jumping on up to IUI because emotionally it was tough enough going through all the waiting for one cycle (never mind the months of crazy charting beforehand). That's me (I tend to be an anxious sort), but I'm glad we did it that way. I found a very kind and queer-supportive RE (reproductive endocrinologist) who worked with us appropriately (I was unaware of whether I'd ever had any fertility issues, never having had a sexual relationship with a man), and eventually I did have a few diagnostic procedures (hysterosalpingogram, blood tests, etc.). With a wee bit of intervention (IUI and clomid), I became pg, had a terrific healthy pregnancy, an awesome natural childbirth, and have the DD of our dreams. I wouldn't do it differently, if I had it to do over again. I'm really glad we went ahead and used IUI. It certainly increases your chances of becoming pg each cycle, and in our case that helped tremendously with the stress of the process.


Here's some unsolicited advice, FWIW: I will say this, just because it may take some intervention to become pg, don't buy into the idea that you're a "fertility patient having a high risk pregnancy" -- unless there's more going on, a lesbian can simply be a consumer of the medical services/interventions and can then go on to have a perfectly healthy, unmedicated pregnancy and birth. Just my 2 cents on that.

[ProudMamaSF]

hi
I wanted to add that dp and I will begin ttc #1 in December but we have numerous friends who are 35(+),have used frozen donor sperm at home and now have beautiful babies! There are some excellent resources out there. You can PM me for more info..

Good luck on your journey and lots of baby dust!

[Faerieshadow]

When you talk about time being a factor, do you think you guys could handle even a few months of trying at home first? In my experience I found the home atmosphere to be the right one for us. I was actually a little scared of my fertility. I had been with a man for years (high school - college) without ever having a real pregnancy scare, even using no more protection than "pulling out". I decided that I'd (we'd) give it a shot at home for 3 months and then re-evaluate from there. We got pregnant the first month ttc! I actually found out when I went in for my first pg exam that the only "fertility" problem I had was a severely tipped uterus - so much so that pretty much my only chance of getting pg is by laying on my stomach with my bum up in the air! :LOL Thanks to the advice from DP's mom I positioned myself in bed that way after insemination, its a good thing!

Anyway, I guess if each month ttc is going to stress you guys out so much (what with timing, and waiting, and planning everything yourselves) then maybe you should think about a clinic, but if you guys would really prefer doing things at home why not give it a shot first?

[lunadoula]

Having fresh sperm and easy access to it (assuming your donor lives closeby here) is probably your greatest asset - I would think your DP would have a greater chance getting pregnant this way than with frozen, IUI sperm!! I would say do inseminations early and often and see how it goes for a few months. I'm assuming you've had a semen analysis of the donor? If not, do that for sure. Best of luck to you.

[proudmamanow]

Here's some unsolicited advice, FWIW: I will say this, just because it may take some intervention to become pg, don't buy into the idea that you're a "fertility patient having a high risk pregnancy" -- unless there's more going on, a lesbian can simply be a consumer of the medical services/interventions and can then go on to have a perfectly healthy, unmedicated pregnancy and birth. Just my 2 cents on that.

:

Just had to echo this...it so expresses our experience. I was really attached to having a natural conception process and after much grief realized that it wasn't legally possible here with a sperm bank & our limited options. Also went through much stress at a fertility centre were everyone was assumed to have fertility issues even though a large portion of clientele were dykes :
but we stuck to our guns and managed to avoid hsgs and clomid and ended up having a lovely relationship with our 65 yr old male doc. And had a wonderful low risk pg with a home waterbirth

Eventually we got pg 3 X in 5 IUI cycles (sadly had two m/c along the way).
Oh, and I am 31, with no history of fertility issues.

: sort of off topic, sorry! this kind of hit a nerve! What's my point? I hope your experience is wonderful in every way...I would probably go to IUI almost immediately as it really was minimally invasive and gave us wonderful results.

[lexbeach]

Hello!

Do you have the book, "The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth" ??? If not, you simply MUST get your hands on it. It is seriously helpful and so very informative.

In this book, it says that IUI combined with fresh sperm has not yet been conclusively shown to increase the chances of pregnancy. IUI is tricky because you have to get the timing SO right on, since sperm (fresh or frozen) only lives about 8 hours once it gets inside the uterus. Even if you do decide to do IUI, you should also do at least one regular vaginal insemination per month.

If I were you, I would try at least a couple months at home before considering IUI. I would also make sure before you start trying that your wife is ovulating and that her luteal phase is long enough and that her progesterone levels look good. Oh, and definitely have the sperm tested, especially if you're not successful in the first three cycles.

When are you planning to start trying?

Good luck!

Lex

[HippoMommy]

Originally Posted by lexbeach

IUI is tricky because you have to get the timing SO right on, since sperm (fresh or frozen) only lives about 8 hours once it gets inside the uterus. Even if you do decide to do IUI, you should also do at least one regular vaginal insemination per month.

My RE said the sperm lives more like 12 to 24 hours after IUI. We did only 1 IUI per cycle, and I got pg with DD in the 4th cycle (had a very early failed implantation pregnancy - hormonally detected - the cycle before).

I'm not disputing that it's nice to have as much sperm as possible, and to try a vag insem if you have the goods to do so. In my case, we couldn't financially afford tons of sperm per cycle (and were using cryobank sperm, so it was expensive for us). Our RE assured us that his protocol was to do one insem per cycle, via IUI, and that we would get pg, unless I had a medical problem/infertility issue. He was right. Of course, this was back in 2001, when I was trying, and perhaps things have changed since then.

Just want to reassure anyone who's reading that it's totally possible to get pg doing 1 IUI per cycle with cryopreserved sperm.

Congrats to everyone on your babies, and good luck (babydust!) to all trying.

[JRose]

Just wanted to jump in here. I have very similar things to say as the others so I won't repeat but wanted to let you know we did one clinic insem and one home insem each cycle. (So one IUI and one ICI) And my sweet dp is positive we got preg. with the last at home insem because of the way my cervix looked. Sorry if tmi!

Oh also our donor couldn't do his part at our house or the clinic so he did some fast driving with a container of sperm stuck in his belt!! lol FYI we did 6 cycles of clomid and HSG and ultrasounds, etc but got pregnant two cycles after we stopped all of that. I think my "infertility" was due to stress and being in a job I totally hated so my advice would be to make sure you and your DP are in a "happy place" before ttc.

Best of luck to you.