TIRED of being frugal-- a vent

[Llyra]

Please excuse the vent. When I'm in a rational mood, I can recognize that I'm really very happy and satisfied with the choices I've made in my life, and I have everything that I really need. I'm really majorly sleep deprived because of a toddler who insists on waking with the roosters every day, and frankly...

sometimes I get really SICK and TIRED of being frugal, and watching every penny, and doing without. I'm tired of stopping and thinking before going anywhere about the gas costs, and I really would love to have a new winter coat not because I need one (I don't) but because I WANT one, and I'm tired of my shabby old shoes and I want to go eat at a nice restaurant and not have to soak beans and cook and clean up afterward and wash the dishes. I miss the days when I was working and I could go buy myself a new sweater just because I felt like it, and I could buy my books in hardcover and enjoy instead of waiting weeks for my name to come up on the request list at the library. My mom wants me to bring DD to see her more often but I can't because it costs so much to get there and that makes me mad, because DD ought to be closer to her grandma. And finally, I am tired of the added stress that tight financial plans put on my marriage. DH and I are managing pretty well. We try to stay focused on the positives of our life and all, but it would be nice to be spared that monthly hard look at the finances.

I'm just so tired of always having to say no to friends who want us to go places and do things, because of the costs. I can't go to a concert, because between the tickets and the gas and the babysitter, it's just way too much money. I have to wear my clothes until they're worn out, and I feel shabby a lot of the time. I'm tired of plain, cheap food. I just want to get through a day and do what's fun without being so worried about money.

I can't though, and I know it, and I'll go back to being a responsible grown-up now, and go put breakfast on the table, and stop whining. Thank you for letting me vent, folks. I really needed that.

[basilsmom]

I know how you feel. Hope you feel better after venting.

[naturefirst]

I think you just stated what most people feel that are on a budget that is tight. I'm a mother of two, and I'm new here. My son is now 25 and my daughter is 17, I stayed home with them most of the time while they were growing up, there were a few years I had to work just for us to make it. We still live carefully since I'm not working right now. I have so many people say how nice my kids are, and I've noticed that most of the parents that are having problems with there kids are the mothers that worked the whole time those kids were alive. So try to remember that your doing a real service to that baby by being there for her. I looked at your pictures, she's really cute! And this time of want will pass when she gets a little older, it's hard when they are young. I wish I'd had the internet when mine were little, we were lucky to have a tv. lol. When my son was little, we lived in Fl. for 7mos. Man were we broke, had to do all the laundry in the bathroom tub and hang it lines in the back bed room with towels underneath. What a bummer, but it was a roof over our heads, I was thankful for that. We own our own buisness right now, and people think if you own, you have money, that is such a crock, everyone else gets there checks while we have to wait till the bills are caught up. So like I say, we still have a tight budget. Sometimes were ok, but I have to save it for the lean months. If I had to do it over, I'd still stay home with the kids. I did day care in my home for about 4 yrs. when my daughter was little, that helped and I got to see adults for some time during the day too. Hope your day goes better. Diana

[anamama]

Yes!!!

I feel this way some days, too. I would love to buy whatever I felt like buying (like a king sized family bed instead of our double and new kids clothing and wool rugs for every room). I would love to sleep through the night instead of worrying about bills and grocery money.
I am very thankful that I am replying to you right now in my shabby flannel pj's with my baby on my lap and I know we are eating healthy food and spending our lives together.
Hugs and solidarity, mama!

[beansavi]

Amen!

Yesterday I "freaked" because I am home everyday with my kids (cutting our income in half with that decision) and I just wanted to stay out all day and forget about budget and the rest!

I want to get a cute new pair of clogs and find some thick black pregnancy tights and get a cute new haircut... but ha ha.

Sometimes I think my Mom looks at me like I could be more fun (i.e. go shop with her) or dress better, but she worked full time when I grew up and my brothers and I were latchkey kids with no supervision.

They now have problems and I was put into a dangerous situation when I was little because no one was around.

So we are doing the right thing, Mama!

[newcastlemama]

I know how you feel mama.....My husband is a self-employed electrician and we just went one month where people he did work for paid him late...we were supposed to have $2000!!!!! but we had $0! We had some very creative pantry cooking and ate at relatives houses a lot.

Now we are caught up, but I know those times will come again, so we always have to be frugal. Sometimes I just wnat to let loose too...especially when I see my 2 younger sisters (18, 24) They always look so cute! One is a hairdresser so I at least get that luxury every month!
I get tired of the plain food too. That is what my happy mental list is for where I recite all the things I do have and how blessed we are.

I also thing it makes a person more craetive and interesting to be frugal....you have to come up with new ways to cook, dress, decorate, have fun...plus you really appreciate money when you have some.
I am glad you vented..I am sure all of us frugal mamas feel that way sometimes!!!

[srain]

If you're really feeling bummed out about it on a regular basis, rather than occasionally, you might want to think about taking just a few temp jobs to make some extra money. A week of doing some lame/ mindless job on the opposite shift of your partner could bring you in $100-$200, which you could use for several dinners out, new clothes, etc. to keep you from feeling constantly dragged down.

[mommaJ]

I feel it, too, Mama!! Thanks for venting for the both of us!

Rice and beans one more day and I swear...... !

Oh well....
We'll better women for it, right ?

[OliveGirl]

(((((Big hugs)))))

I'm possibly facing the kind of necessary frugality that you're dealing with after this baby is born. I admit, it scares me a bit.

[michelle1k]

Oh, I know, I know. I used to work in a big advertising agency and had a nice salary (the "golden handcuffs" as I called them ) in the days before kids. Even though dh is working and making a good salary, I stay home with the kids and have to often make those very same hard choices. I want my kids to be able to participate in things they are good at or enjoy (we homeschool), so I find that our funds are directed toward that and I end up wearing scuffed ratty-looking (but comfortable!) shoes. And because the kiddos grow so fast, they get "new" (well, used) clothes all the time, while I have to make do with the picked-over stuff at the thrift store.

And yes, I hear you on the bean-thing too! How do we love our beans - let me count the ways: in dips, spreads, baked, turned into burgers, patties, soups, casseroles, mexican dishes, loaves, stews and more I get sooooo tired to soaking beans too - it seems I always have to have one pot on the stove cooking beans and another soaking on the countertop <blech>

And my last bit of frivolity to add to my own vent: dh and I have no family here in the US, so there is very little chance that we can go out to see a show on Broadway like we're fantasizing about (we've never done this and it's a shame since we live close to NYC) - once you add up the cost of the sitter (probably close to 5 hrs if you take into account driving time) and the cost of the tickets, etc. it's just a pipe dream. But a nice fantasy to nurture for when we're older, the kids can stay with friends, etc. :LOL

Oh and here's a gem: my dd (3) just came to me to point out the hole in her thrift-picked shirt (the attic was a bit gloomy when I fished it out of her winter-stash this morning). She said "it's for fresh air, mommy!"

Michelle in NY

[mumm]

I Hear Ya!!!

I recently read an article about how to be friends with someone from a different economic class than you, and it said to reciprocate in your own price range. For example, if your kid goes with their family to a professional sports game and then to dinner, then you take their kid bowling and for an ice cream. Hell, if I could afford bowling and ice cream I'd buy it for my own damn family! :

I live in a wealthy town, and my kids eat decent food, have (second-hand)clothes to wear and I drive a functioning not soo old car. We can pay our bills, so I shouldn't complain. BUT (I will :LOL ) I can't send my kid to soccer, swimming, piano lessons, skiing, to the movies, museum, field trips, etc. I can't take him to the concert at the school that everyone is going to because it would cost $15 just for me and the kids. Or the one he really, really, really wants to go to because it would $56 for the family!

My 5 year old can never understand why the neighborhood (with 2 zillion kids) is always empty and their is no one to play with. ("Well, A is in mexico, B went to disney, C is on the cape and D is spending the week on the boat, everyone else is at their after school activities, so we can go play in the woods or hit the playground, again".)

Even free events are too expensive. Parking, subway fares, "donation" at door, and then to actually do anything they charge a fee.

It seems to me that every activity has turned into a way to raise funds for some charity or another. Christmas party? Bring food for a homeless shelter and an unwrraped new gift for a needy child. Halloween party? Pumpkins for another child to carve and 5 cans of food please. Dance at middle school? $5 to get in and $5 for hurrican survivors. It starts to make me feel bitter towards those who do have less than me. I choose what organizations to support on a level that feels comfortable to me. I don't like being forced into other peoples.


Ohkay..... well, my rant is over and we can add it to yours! :LOL

[jannan]

i think it is important to remember that somethings in life are not free and that children will have memories for the rest of their lives, that sacrafice is worth it. i'm not saying as mothers we dont' sacrafice everyday. but even though, i'm on a budget i will sacrafice and pay for some event that i know dd will enjoy

[No2Circ]

Originally Posted by naturefirst

and I've noticed that most of the parents that are having problems with there kids are the mothers that worked the whole time those kids were alive.

PLEASE let's not bash working mothers while we're sympathizing with the OP. Thanks.

[fiercelove]

just reading everyone's responses here has me feeling a lot less alone about the situation my family is in right now. it seems everything is becoming more and more expensive and it is harder and harder to get by, even if we are making all the right, frugal choices that we can in order to be able to stay at home all the time or part of the time.

one thing that really cracks me up is when I meet someone new, and tell them that I am a stay at home mom. usually if that person is a woman they reply, "oh it must be SO NICE to be able to afford that!" - almost like they are envious - and I'll say - NO, actually we live in a sketchy neighborhood and buy all our clothes at thrift stores and make a lot of other sacrifices in order to be able to afford for me to stay at home. It is not the luxurious, stable lifestyle that I think a lot of people imagine when they think of the 'stay at home mom'!!

[becca011906]

Oh i can so so add to this vent!!! I can't count the number of times that i want to load the kids in the car and go to fun stuff like going to the zoo or the museaum, heck i would be happy with a trip to a nice park or the libary but don't b/c it's just to much to drive into town for no "good" reason. when instead i just take the kids to a differant room of the house and pull out differant toys the kids haven't seen in while or take the kids on a walk around the yard to keep the lovley corn fields! LOL Heck they dont' know the differance for now so i'll take advantage of this!!! I wear my clothes till i can't wear them anymore. then for christmas and birthdays i ask for new clothes, when i'm lucky i get them! Othere then that i shop for my kids clothes on second hand stores and ebay, i do buy name brand stuff but i don't buy it new... I wish so much i would order out or go out for dinner but insead i'm forces into my kitchen to try to make something everyone will like. Oh me oh my. my differance then some is that i never lived a better life then this... i lived with my mom after my parents devoiced she was always working 2 jobs, never home, a great mom but we never had what we wanted when we wanted, extras were very limited. i knew how to live like this before i moved in with dh, when i got pregant at 16, he on the other hand always was spoiled got what he wante when he wanted... he had to change but did very quickly so that i could be a stay at home mom. I'm thinking of taking some online classes, but right now i have no degree so me working is very pointless since i would prolly only be making enough money to pay a day care. I do work part time but it's from home and not that much $, it's mainly helping pull us out of dept which we are in pretty deep right now... oh my enought venting off to cook a frugal lunch of left overs insead of taking the kids to mc dondles... oh how good that sounds!!!

[snuggly mama]

I'm just so tired of feeling like we're never going to get ahead. I don't mean stuff like big houses or fancy cars, just the ability to pay the bills all in one month, or being able to afford new shoes for myself more than every few years. Dh just lost his job Friday and the thought of having to be MORE frugal than I'm already being makes me . I get so tired of saying "no" all the time to the kids for things they really would like to do, and I while I love the school they attend, I often resent the nickel-and-diming to death that comes with it. Every time I turn around, it seems like they need $1 for charity donation, canned goods for the food pantry, and more money for yet another fundraiser. I just spent $44 for dd to go on field trips! I usually laugh (privately) when the kids come home asking for new mittens/hats to donate to kids in need because I'm thinking, my kids ARE the kids in need!

It's always worse for me this time of year, with the holidays around the corner and so much to think about. With dh's job loss, I'm going to have to get really creative for gifts this year, and frankly, I think people are just going to have to understand that money really does stretch only so far. If it's a choice between food and heat for my family or presents for grandma, well, grandma's just going to have to get a homemade card instead.