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Children at weddings... Your thoughts - Page 9

post #161 of 167
Originally Posted by Attila the Honey
I say to each his own, but honestly if my baby isn't welcome I am not going. It bugs me that it's "OK" to even make that stipulation, really. There are plenty of obnoxious adults I'd like to exclude from events, but I'd never write "Please, no middle aged men that tend to drink too much" just because my Uncle Harry is like that.
What if you're supposed to be the maid of honor & when the bride asked you, you were only a few months along & not telling anyone you were pg, so you agreed & now, when you tell her that you'll need to bring your 6 month old, strictly nursing baby to the wedding she says "no," then what????? We've been through the "just give him a bottle" conversation, etc.... I was totally imagining wearing him in a sleek black sateen Hotsling . I mean, I understand that during the ceremony & during pictures I'd have to hand him off, but who cares about the rest of it??

I abandoned Dd1 during a wedding when she was 5 months old & left her with a baby sitter hired by the bride & she was hysterical the whole time I swore that I would never do that again, I was so upset with myself (especially when another couple brought their infant to the ceremony
post #162 of 167
I had kids at my wedding. I don't mind if someone else doesn't want them at theirs, I'm just not going to come, that's all. As long as they're not offended by me not attending then I'm not offended by them excluding children. I understand there are valid reasons for it- saving money, wanting an ultra-sophisticated atmosphere, just plain not liking kids running around. I'm ok with that. But I'm not ok w/ leaving DD. that's all there is to it.
post #163 of 167
Then do you think it's okay to say to the bride (whom I've known for 22 yrs) that I'm not going to be her maid-of-honor unless my children can come? It's such a sticky situation....she wants Dd1 (6yrs old) to be the flower girl, but won't allow Dd2 (who will be 3.75 yrs old then.) It's very hurtful to imagine Dd2 being left alone . How do I say, "I'll only be in your wedding if I can bring all 3 of my children"?? That's how I feel. It just seems so imposing, but I feel like most of you in that children should not be excluded. I guess it all boils down to me valuing my family's feelings more than I value hers?
post #164 of 167
I would decline the offer to be a MOH. Anyone I would care enough for to be an MOH (which is a lot of work!) would care about my children enough not to hurt their feelings by making one have a special part in the day and the other not even invited. That is rude.
post #165 of 167
We welcomed children to our wedding and a number attended, from ages 2-12. They were a delight and not a problem in any way. No one screamed through the ceremony or tipped over the cake. We had a fairly formal wedding at a fairly fancy place.

However, ironically enough, I have since decided that it is probably MORE considerate to hire sitters on-site or recommend/pay for off-site sitters for out of town guests with young children (say, under 5). I can't really support BARRING young children, but making a sitter an option is actually the right thing, I think.

Why do I say this? I just brought my two-year-old to a family wedding. It was very fancy, very formal, at a child-unfriendly place (lots of open fires and candles and grabbable floral displays hither and yon) and involved a lot of people drinking and dancing wildly and a lot of long speeches and toasts. To be perfectly honest, it was VERY stressful to care for my toddler in this environment. They actually did hire a (trusted, family friend) sitter on-site, and although I did not initially intend to use her, we eventually brought DD up to the room where she was and checked in on her a lot. She did fine, till it was past her bedtime (which wasn't long, as it was an evening wedding).

To be really honest, if I had it do over, I think I would have put her with the sitter during the ceremony, brought her to the first bit of the reception so family could enjoy seeing her, then taken her back where we were staying, put her to bed, and paid a sitter to stay with her while DH and I enjoyed the rest of the reception.

I never used to be sympathetic to the "fancy weddings are no place for young kids" argument, but actually, after this experience, I have to say that it may be true that some weddings are not the place for some kids (depending on age, temperament, and the time of the wedding). I have rarely been as exhausted as I was after that wedding weekend! (We also took DD to a fancy rehearsal dinner...)

That said, I totally understand why people feel hurt and upset when their young children are excluded. Some children are also much easier to leave with others--my DD is old enough now to communicate if she needs me, and she isn't one for stranger anxiety. I think the best call is to give parents both options, inform them what the event will be like, and let them decide.
post #166 of 167
Originally Posted by bri276
I would decline the offer to be a MOH. Anyone I would care enough for to be an MOH (which is a lot of work!) would care about my children enough not to hurt their feelings by making one have a special part in the day and the other not even invited. That is rude.

ITA agree with this. If this person is close enough for you to be her MOH then maybe you should have a talk with her. If she does not have children yet she may not even realize that this can cause problems
post #167 of 167
Thanks for all of the responses mama's , you guys are so amazing & wise!

I emailed the bride-to-be (even borrowed some of your suggestions ) I posted the said email over in the "Help Non AP Wedding Distress" thread, hope she responds like an adult....I think I was very nice about it.

Thanks Mama's!!!!
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