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Children at weddings... Your thoughts - Page 2

post #21 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila the Honey
Velochic, you would have had the option of not bringing your child if you knew she wasn't good at social graces but my 2 yo is generally quiet and knows to whisper when I do so why shouldn't my child be allowed?
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Well, you bring up a good point. Let's say that you THINK your 2 year old is generally quiet. I KNOW my 2 year old isn't. I don't bring my 2 year old because I know she won't be quiet during the ceremony. You bring your 2 year old and she has an "off" day and isn't quiet, but yet she's still there. How would I feel knowing that my child wasn't welcome, but yours was? How would you feel if your child had her moments of unrest and disturbed the ceremony? I mean that's all theoretical, but you can see how the fallout of the situation could cause major turmoil. I just think it's up to the bride and groom to set blanket policies because it's their day. And I think it's being sensitive to all guests to not make exceptions. All children welcome (babes in arms on up) or not. But as a GUEST, it just doesn't seem appropriate to put conditions on an invitation extended to me. I wouldn't ask to bring kids to a cocktail party. How is this any different? I would simply tell the hosts that in my current life situation, I can't leave my baby, toddler, child and I regret that I cannot attend. The hosts have the final say. That's my opinion, anyway. I'm sure there are others who do not agree.
post #22 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic
I just think it's up to the bride and groom to set blanket policies because it's their day. And I think it's being sensitive to all guests to not make exceptions. All children welcome (babes in arms on up) or not. But as a GUEST, it just doesn't seem appropriate to put conditions on an invitation extended to me. I wouldn't ask to bring kids to a cocktail party. How is this any different? I would simply tell the hosts that in my current life situation, I can't leave my baby, toddler, child and I regret that I cannot attend. The hosts have the final say. That's my opinion, anyway. I'm sure there are others who do not agree.
I'm with Velochic on this one.

Its their day and they have a right to say yay or nay to kids. And its up to the invited guests to say yes or no depending on their situation.

As far as whats fair, its really not up to the invited to decide that, imnsho. Sometimes things are just not fair.
post #23 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic
I just think it's up to the bride and groom to set blanket policies because it's their day. And I think it's being sensitive to all guests to not make exceptions. All children welcome (babes in arms on up) or not. But as a GUEST, it just doesn't seem appropriate to put conditions on an invitation extended to me. I wouldn't ask to bring kids to a cocktail party. How is this any different? I would simply tell the hosts that in my current life situation, I can't leave my baby, toddler, child and I regret that I cannot attend. The hosts have the final say. That's my opinion, anyway. I'm sure there are others who do not agree.
I totally agree. Also, some weddings are more relaxed than others so children will fit in better. I've been to big fancy-pants weddings and would definitely not want to take my children with me to those. My 3 yo running around the museum? Nuh-uh.
post #24 of 167
I think it is totally up to the bride and groom to have what ever sort of wedding they want. And if they don't want children there, I think that's fine. Not every event in life has to include the kids. I think it's perfectly fine to say "adults only", whatever the motivation.

But I also agree that then the bride and groom shouldn't get upset when people whith children decline the invite if they can't bring the kids along.

ETA: Am I the only one around here who longs for an adult only event? :LOL Don't get me wrong, I my kids, but as a SAHM, I crave adult interaction! Maybe it's becuase we still don't have a sitter and have been out without the kids TWICE in 1.5 years, but I'd personally love to be invited to a adults only event right about now!
post #25 of 167
Its up the the bride and groom they also need to understand that they coud be limiting there guests having a no child rule. We allowed kids at ours I even assigned my cousin as a "mothers helper" and set up a table with coloring books and crayons and made sure to have at leat one chid friendly thing (other than cake) on the menu we had a finger food tray with cut up veggies chicken and steak strips and cheese and fruit soo the little ones had something they were likely to eat at the reception.

Deanna
post #26 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila the Honey
I say to each his own, but honestly if my baby isn't welcome I am not going. It bugs me that it's "OK" to even make that stipulation, really. There are plenty of obnoxious adults I'd like to exclude from events, but I'd never write "Please, no middle aged men that tend to drink too much" just because my Uncle Harry is like that.
No, of course you wouldn't write it, you simply would not invite Uncle Harry. Similarly, if a child's name is not on the invitation, the child is not invited. However, some people don't seem to understand this, and that is why some wedding invitations are specifying "No Children". People would not bring any other uninvited guest, why is it OK to bring uninvited children?
post #27 of 167
When I got married I didn't mind if the flower girl and ring bearer stayed, their parents sent them off. Fast forward to 2 years ago when my brother got married, he and his wife INSISTED that my sons, both ring bearers, leave right after the ceremony ( they got married at the catering hall). They didn't even get to dance the first dance ( which our child attendants did). I was SO mad, I mean we laid out like $1,000 for dress, accessories and tuxs ( all 4 of us were in the bridal party) and I even asked if they could just come for the first dance and we were told no. I was stunned. She didn't want the focus on the kids.....selfish. Whatever, we paid the $$ and they got picked up during the cocktail hour. Not the choice I would have made but it wasn't my wedding and I did have the choice to take my kids out but I decided it was not worth all the trouble it would have caused, kwim
post #28 of 167
I can see both sides to this. We had an adult only wedding only because we were trying for as small as possible wedding & it was short notice so funds were not available to pay for extra food. Unfortunately there isnt a kids price when it comes to food & it adds up pretty quick. I dont see why babies (especially those nursing) cant go since they dont cost the couple any more money. I think that if I was close to someone that was getting married & with explanation I would hope that wouldnt be a problem.

However..I also think that if the wedding takes place out of town & you are inviting friends/family that will be coming from out of town then it is only right at that time for their children to be invited because I dont think it is right to ask for them to pay for the cost of travel & have to find someone to watch the children while they will be gone overnight/weekend & what not.
post #29 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by gratefulbambina
However..I also think that if the wedding takes place out of town & you are inviting friends/family that will be coming from out of town then it is only right at that time for their children to be invited because I dont think it is right to ask for them to pay for the cost of travel & have to find someone to watch the children while they will be gone overnight/weekend & what not.
Now in this case, I would probably talk to the bride or groom (whomever invited you) and ask them that since you are traveling so far to be at the wedding, if they would provide someone to take care of ALL of the children of ALL of the couples invited. That would seem like a good compromise to me. Then maybe the babysitter(s) could bring the kids to the reception. A lot of hotels have babysitting services or if the guests aren't comfortable with that, a trusted young adult relative could watch the kids on the premises.

I feel like I'm sounding anti-kids at weddings, but really I'm not. I'm just pro-bride-and-groom-choice. :LOL
post #30 of 167
That would work to if the bride & groom are setting up sitters for out of town guests children.

Im also pro bride & groom choice
post #31 of 167
I think the one thing everyone has agreed on, both sides of the fence, is that it should be up to the bride and groom. :LOL Almost every post has begun by saying that.

OF COURSE I believe it should be up to the bride and groom, just as I believe it should be up to the bride and groom if they want to play horrible music and make their bridesmaids dress in ruffles. However, I don't have to *agree* with their decision.

I guess I just feel it's not child friendly to hear "kids at a wedding" and assume the kids will be whining, talking too loud, running up and down the aisles and in general a nuisance. I don't think of kids at any event and assume they will likely be a problem, b/c ime they usually aren't. One bad apple, yadda yadda.
post #32 of 167
Depends on the wedding, and the hosts. If the wedding is during the day, outside, and there's plenty of room to run around and it's not going to be a big deal if the kids make noise, and the bride and groom want them there, I think children belong at a wedding.
If the wedding is at night, in a fancy enclosed space, or if the bride and grrom don't want kids there, children don't belong at a wedding.
I have a huge family. When I got married I had so many guests I could barely fit them into the hall. (yes we could have done an outside wedding but fortunatley we did not, it poured the entire day, and night, and next day). Our wedding was an evening wedding, with a reception that ended at midnight. I had my sisters kids be part of the wedding, not the reception. Here's why: The reception started at 7pm, dinner was probably not served until 8:30. Just in my immediate family there were 10 grandkids, most in the 3 years to 6 years old range. Then, count in my cousin's kids, about 15 more. I had to cut it off somewhere, so it was easier to just say no kids.
Thinking back, it would have been a freaking nightmare if all those kids came. They would have been bored stiff, made to "behave and not make noise" in a darkened noisy hall, nowhere to play, pouring rain outside, and past most of them's bedtime.
Some people got their own babysitters, and also my cousin's daughter and my other cousin's daughter (both responsible and well loved by all my nieces and nephews) watched the rest at my mom's house. They slept over and had pizza and movies and stories. The daddies left the reception to put everyone to bed, then came back. My sisters were glad to get out for a night. There were a few people who weren't happy but that's life.
Nobody was nursing and there were no infants, they definatley would have been allowed.

I went to a wedding when ds was 3 months. It was right down the street, luckily, so I left ds with my mom, and drove back twice during the reception to nurse ds. He slept the whole time and we had fun. If it were not that convenient, I would never have gone.
Now that he's 3, I get a babysitter.
post #33 of 167
It is the couple's decision. It is their invitation. Accept or decline and get over it.

Our wedding was a formal, no children wedding. No kids were in the wedding party, either (just me, dh, my matron/honor and the best man).

We worded the invitations as: "Do to space limitations, no children under 12 years of age". We didn't want young children at our wedding and this was a nicer way of saying it.

We had already had to cut back on adults to invite (the church and reception place each held a max of 250), much less worry about those that had multiple small children that would take up space. Sorry, but the adult friends take precedence over youngsters that may not even know us and could care less about a ceremony.

We knew some of our friends had younger children and everyone of them got babysitters and came. None had any children of breasfeeding age, so that wasn't an issue. If there had been any, infants would have been welcome, but we would have made sure the family would have been seated towards the rear of the church so they could remove themselves if the baby began to scream.

When ds was an infant, we attended one wedding with him (children were invited). When he began to fuss a bit to nurse, I immediately left the church and nursed him in the reception hall. I missed seeing the entire ceremony, but didn't mind as I knew there was no interruption from us in this special time for the couple and their families. I could listen to it on the loudspeaker (one of the reception ladies turned it up for me to hear while nursing, which was really sweet of her). Unfortunately, there was another baby there in the church, too, and his/her mother did not leave to quiet him/her. When I saw the video of the wedding later (to see what I missed witnesing!), the sound of that baby crying went the entire 20 minutes of the ceremony. Really annoying.

We had both been to weddings where the children talked or cried throughout the ceremony and ran around and were very disruptive during the reception (why do so many parents go blind at weddings and receptions and think it is just so cute when little Missy questions everything in a loud voice or joins the bride and groom at the altar, or that Junior is blowing off steam by tearing all over the place at the reception?).

My neice's wedding was supposed to be a no children wedding, as well. A friend of the family came and brought their young daughter anyway. Short of asking them to leave, there was nothing left to do. They stayed. During the beginning of the ceremony, the little toddler girl ran out into the aisle right behind the bride and plopped-down on the her train and tore the back of her dress open. They had to stop things for a few minutes so they could pin her dress back together (her underwear were clearly visible because of the tear). My niece and her dh were furious at the disruption and destruction. It put a real sour note on the rest of the day.

I look at it this way. Maybe YOUR children are the sweetest, most well-behaved kids on the planet and would be welcome at the most formal wedding on Earth. HOWEVER, another friend's or relative's kids are total monsters and perfect ads for birth control.

Do you issue invites that specifically allow your one friend's good kids but exclude the other's spawns of satan? Nope, you make it easier for everyone and cut out any kids.

We have received invitations to weddings that excluded children and we have no problem with it. It's their special day, so they have the perfect "right" to invite, or not invite, children. One of us stays at home with ds and the other goes and represents our family at the event. I've had folks tell me it would be okay if we bring our son (even though the invite was clear on no children), and we still decline as it isn't fair to others that may have children to see our child there and not their kids.
post #34 of 167
So, this is an interesting one for ME, as my dh and I have just set the actual date of the actual wedding... next Oct. And we discussed this. We came up with, what I thought, was a good idea, and I'm interested in knowing what YOU think...

Prenna will be almost 2, then. All her cousins and buddies will be 18mos-6years. We're thinking of sending mini-invitations to her cousins and buddies, along with the invites to their parents... that say "Join me for a Wedding Party, while my mom and dad say their vows". In our family/community there are ample "child-wranglers". So, picture a couple grown-ups herding the kiddos off to a nearby room, or tent, after we walk down the isle with a couple of them... to play, sing songs, draw a big Congrads card for the bride and groom, whatever, while the ceremony goes on in piece. Then, for the recep, the kids are re-united with the group at large, for food, cake, music.

Most kids are appalled at having to sit thru things... we are thinking we'll be the"Cool" Aunt and Uncle... what do you think?
post #35 of 167
We just got an invite to a *family* wedding where no 'children' under 21 are invited. ;-) Which means all the older cousins, except my older, adult-looking, but 16.5 yr old child is not invited. It's all about how much $ per plate, which is no way to start a life. I give this marraige two years, tops, anyway.

I am going to have strep throat that day. Maybe even avian flu.
post #36 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by UUMom
It's all about how much $ per plate, which is no way to start a life.
Ummmm.... why not? If a couple is paying for their own wedding and the day they have dreamed of and planned for requires they put a limit on the guest list, why is that so awful?
post #37 of 167
There is only one small child (5 yo boy) in our family anyway, but we decided against inviting children simply because we have room for only 70 people. It's a very small, inexpensive, informal outdoor wedding, but if we go over our limit (I do believe they count children, not babes-in-arms, but a child occupying a seat), we could lose our permit. This was as big and as nice as we could afford to make it, but if it came down to a decision between my mother's friend with three children and my best friend's family, her family wins hands-down.
post #38 of 167
I just need to say that the thought of taking my children to a wedding almost brings on an anxiety attack! That's not to say that I would just leave them anytime to go to a wedding far away. I recently enjoyed a fun, late evening wedding with just dh. I got to sit down and eat at my own pace. Heck, I even went to the bathroom by myself a couple of times. I, like many other poster, believe that the couple has the right to decide what type of wedding they want. The invitees get to decide whether or not to attend. That said, I would never personally have a child-free event!
post #39 of 167
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamameg
Ummmm.... why not? If a couple is paying for their own wedding and the day they have dreamed of and planned for requires they put a limit on the guest list, why is that so awful?

i don't really care if one starts out married life thinking in terms of limiting close family members because of $$. I did get a 'Greenbacks Only, Please' shower invite, too. I sent a check and my regrets. it's about all I can manage without calling attention to myself. :LOL If those are their values, ok. I just don't feel like celebrating that shallowness. I've known these folks for 20 yrs, and like I said, i give this marraige 2 yrs, tops. I' m being generous.

Like I said, I'll have strep throat that day.
post #40 of 167
Prennamama-

That is a great idea. My cousin did a similar thing for her wedding reception and had a small room next door with two child-care providers, pizza, games, movies etc... The kids had a better time than the adults at the "real" reception. The music was too loud and the food was bad.
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