At what age do they notice/understand other parents actions?

[DahliaRW]

Ds is 9 months. I'm wondering when (if not now, at what age) should I worry about what he sees other parents doing concerning disciplining their kids? I plan on practicing GD (and do now as far as it goes with a 9 mo), but we are sometimes around others who do not. In particular, there is one woman who visits my church periodically who is constantly talking down to and "spanking" her son. She is often back in the cry room (we're there often because ds is so noise) with her 3 year old son (the oldest child in their usually). I'm worried what affect my ds seeing her behavior towards her son will have. Do you think he understands enough at this age that it will harm him to see this? If not at what age?

I hope that makes some sense. I don't want to traumatize my child and at 9 months I can explain to him that I will never hit him, etc, but I don't know if he understands me or not.

Thanks!

[annab]

My 3.5-year old saw someone get spanked today, and it did not seem to phase him. I expect, "She HIT him!", but nothing. However, I think that any child, especially those two and under pick up on the vibe fo fear and intimidation. I think that seeing ANYONE be harsh with anyone, child or not, can be scary for kids.

[Dal]

If Simon hears someone harshly chastise their child, he becomes very upset. I never use a harsh voice with him (I've only slightly raised my voice maybe twice and he didn't even notice either time, as far as I could tell); nor does dh. He's 18 months old. This has happened, I think, since he was about 1. At about that time (I think, though I could be way off), he also started to become very sensitive to people other than me and dh attempting to parent him (he hates it when people "jump on him" for doing something they dislike -- which usually involves invading his personal space or moving at him too quickly for his liking; it's really upsetting to him).

I didn't answer all of your question. About whether he understands other parents reponses: when these are mean, I don't think he does. He's just afraid by them. I try not to expose him to such meanness.