becoming a drag...

[umami_mommy]

so i belong to a small circle of friends online. since last year i have seen 1, 2, 3, 4, and now 5 of my list-sisters (and 3 IRL) become pregnant while i am still not pregnant. we have been TTC since last summer and now i am on herbs and getting acupuncture. AF showed up last nigh without me apparently ovulating this cycle.

i am afraid i am becoming a drag in my circle. i cannot seem to get excited when friends get pregnant and feel like i'm being a jerk when i get jealous.

my son talks all the time about our friend's baby and it's like knife in my heart. i could just kick myself for not trying to get pregnant as soon as AF came back after he was born. have i lost my chance? i will be 40 on 1/1.

i feel terrible and now i feel like i'm making everyone else feel bad by my bummer feelings. i don't even want to tell my closest friends how i really feel.


ugh.

[Tine]

It's awful to be experiencing infertility when everyone around you is PG. You're not being a drag or a jerk or anything like that.... You're reacting normally to a very difficult situation. And though I don't know any more about your situation than you've described here, I doubt very much that it's hopeless.

Maybe now would be a good time to cultivate/strengthen relationships with people who understand what you're going through a little better? This board is a great place for support and understanding (as I'm sure you know). There are also some fabulous infertility blogs out there. Here's one really good one written by a woman struggling with secondary infertility: http://julia.typepad.com/julia/

Hugs to you. Infertility sucks. (BTDT) But one way or another, you'll find your way through it.

[monocyte]

I can totally relate. Everyone I know is either pregnant or have just had another baby. We struggled with infertility the first time, and I swore I would never want for another thing if we could have just one baby. Here we are, and I *need* more children.

It is so hard to be happy for someone else when you want that for yourself. I know. I did come clean with most of my friends, and tell them how much we want another child, but, we are still waiting on AF/fertility signs.

It became so hard that I did end up going on antidepressants. I would avoid pregnant/new mom friends, and I was slowly pulling away from all my closest friends.

Acupunture did help us, along with a great reproductive doc.

PM me if you'd like a friend who is going thru alot of the same things!!

[JackiD]

Totally understand and feel for you! Sometimes it gets really difficult to be truely happy for friends/family who try for a month or two, get pg, carry, have the baby and are celebrating baby's 1st bday while we're STILL trying to get pg.... PM me if you want to chat!

[alicia622]

You have every right to feel the way you do. Infertility is so hard and only those who have experienced it will ever understand what it's like and where those horrible angry thoughts come from. Allow yourself to feel however you feel. Maybe a journal will help you sort your thoughts out better. There is a really good book that you might like good book I think I still have a copy- PM if you'd like me to send it to you.

[mother culture]

I just wanted to say that You are normal in your feelings. I have had the opposite of infertility but I have helped and supported 3 of my friends with 2 + years of TTC. I felt guilty to tell them I was accidently preg. when they were trying TTC # 1. One of the friends decided to do labor support because she wanted to embrace pregnancy and create feelings of love and connectedness with the proccess she was being denied at the time. They all conceived and one had in vitro help and conceived Twins.
I think that the herbs and accupuncture are a great proccess. Think jucy and let go in love making/ baby making! You might also want to have a hormone screening to make sure that all levels are healthy. Stay in love with your body and the possibility! Blessings!

[michelleff]

I know how you feel

I am so sorry to hear that you are having problems TTC. My husband and I have been TTC naturally for about 2-years. Our infertility doctor has not been able to find anything wrong with either my husband or myself, and we have been diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”. I have been hesitant to do infertility drugs due to all the side effects and because they cannot definitively find a problem. However, last month we finally tried Clomid/IUI for the first time. Unfortunately, it was not successful. I had to go to my sister-in-law’s baby shower the day after I started my period. So I understand your frustration. I have several friends that either just had children or are currently pregnant.

Honestly, I try not to share too much of my frustrations with my friends that are PG or just had children because I don’t want to spoil their fun. Instead, I talk to my husband or mom. I also try to avoid baby showers etc., unless they are for my closest of friends. I just try to remember that when we finally are able to conceive that my friends will undoubtedly appreciate that I let them enjoy their day in the sun, and be that much more excited for our good-fortune.

Best of luck!

[Pookietooth]

to you. I will be 40 on 12/21 and can relate. Hope you get a BFP next month!

[puddingpop]

I know what it's like to feel like a drag amongst your friends. My girlfriend just announced on Saturday that she was pg, and it was in a situation where I ended up being alone with her for three hours as she went on and on about how excited she was and how they weren't even trying. I said and did all the right things, and then went home and cried for hours. Woke up the next morning and cried some more.
Even worse was that I had said five minutes before she told me that I needed to get some nursing bras (I'm attempting to induce lactation for the baby we'll be adopting shortly) and that I can't yet bring myself to go into the maternity clothing store to buy them -- it's just too hard. Then she said she was pg. Argh. I think I wanted to kick her.
Unless people have dealt first-hand with infertility, it's really hard to grasp what someone's dealing with -- your feelings are completely normal and I wish you a BFP soon.

[OTMomma]

I can relate. We've been ttc number 2 since last summer, and shortly after we started trying 2 close friends became pregnant by accident. They both knew we were ttc, and one was very sweet and understanding, and didn't talk about her pregnancy unless I asked. The other complained constantly to me and I wanted to beat her to death. How could she complain to ME when she had something I wanted so badly? Since then I've had 4 more people whom were various degrees in my life have babies and I"ve needed to give baby gifts. I've been able to shop for the baby gifts and think about how when I get pregnant "I want one of these". But I am so thankful that the last person who was pregnant, my SIL, just had her baby, so I don't have to deal with anymore of that.

I think its good to let people who are close to you have some insight into what you are going through. If you need to send baby gifts, I think its completly acceptable to order something online and have it delivered, so you don't have to deal with everything in person.

Peace,
Laura