What are some of your best GD moments? - Page 2

[muse]

Great thread!

We live at the top of the hill so any time we walk any where, coming home means a tough walk back up the hill. DS has gotten pretty good about walking lately but that last stretch invariably leads to whining and tantrums. I can't pick him up anymore since I have DD on my back, so sometimes we just get stuck half way with him screaming at me and refusing to move and me almost in tears and/or yelling. Last time though I guess I was feeling more energetic or creative and got him going in a game of chase before he'd even noticed we were going up the hill. He loves me chasing him/him chasing me (Playful parenting talks about teh importance of these sorts of games), and he laughed all the way to the top of the hill.

Another very easy but very effective technique is to have music playing in the house. I swear, the days we have music on - particulary if it's something DS and I both like - there are no or very few rough moments.

[P-chan]

Oooo, I had one today. It was textbook!

My son, 2.5 years old, was watching me with his 6-week old sister. He started touching her gently, then gave her a whack. It was the first time he's done that, and it affected me pretty strongly. Yikes. I took a deep breath, then I:
1. Picked up the baby and comforted her, and pulled myself together.
2. Told my son that there is no hitting in our family.
3. Sat back down to re-connect with him.
4. Observed that he still had an angry look in his eye.
5. Told him that I bet it was hard to have to share his mama. I told him that I could not let him hurt the baby, but that if he wanted to whack something, he could use the pillow on the couch.
6. Watched in amazement as he whacked the pillow 3 times and then happily turned to his toy cars. He made it through the rest of the afternoon and evening with no problems.

[MsMoMpls]

I love this thread!!!!

Joey was having a melt down after I buckled him into his car seat one day and we were late (of course) but instead of arguing with him I said "Oh no! I think he's going to blow! It looks like Joey is going to explode!" He laughed so hard- he did blow... boogers everywhere. :LOL

Now we both joke about being so mad we just might blow... boogers! Nothing like grossness to turn around a 3 year old.

[sadie_sabot]

Originally Posted by muse

Another very easy but very effective technique is to have music playing in the house. I swear, the days we have music on - particulary if it's something DS and I both like - there are no or very few rough moments.

huh. Kids music or adult music?

[katallen]

This morning before going to school my daughter was being very whiny and complaining and I was getting very frustrated so I sat down to have a break and she came and crawled in my lap and told me to breathe and showed me how. She really does pick up on the modeling!!! It was to cute for me to stay upset and we both were much happier after that.

[muse]

Originally Posted by sadie_sabot

huh. Kids music or adult music?

I don't usually make a distinction between the two. Whatever works for you. If it was a synthesized version of Wheels On the Bus playing for the tenth time then it wouldn't help me much at all! My son loves Louis Armstrong, Pete Seeger, Miles Davis, Sweet Honey In The Rock, all the Putomayo CD's, Bach, Mozart..etc. If I want things mellow I put on some mellow classical or jazz, if we're having fun baking or something then Pete or Louis, or if I need to get him motivated to clean up his mess, African drumming is great. he dances while he cleans!


The other thing I've just remembered is using song. DS was super tired after kindergarten and we had to get up (another) hill to the car. He was ready to fall apart in a tantrum and I just ignored that and started singing his (current) favourite song (Oats Peas Beans) and he joined in and forgot about the tantrum. Other times we make up funny little songs about what we're doing or what's going on. It can turn an ugly situation into something playful and is a great way of re-connecting.

Last one; since hills seem to feature in our lives quite a bit :LOL I throw him a pretend rope and pretend to pull him up the hill. He holds onto his imaginary rope and magically get's "pulled" up. Works every time.

[sadie_sabot]

Hills are a big deal for us, too, living at the top of one in a very hilly city and using public trasnit a lot. I will try songs and imaginary ropes, that sounds cool.

[gaialice]

Quite often when I come back from work (I work full time and the children are in pre-K in the morning and with sitter in the afternoon) the girls studiously ignore me. I'd certainly like to ask them how their day was or just hug them but that never seems to work. So now, I invite them to join in a pillow fight, or in a game of hands (you know the one in which you hold your hands palms up and the other person is supposed to hit them...) or I say... in a Tiger voice .. "if you do not come say hi to me I will ... tickle you"... the evening just starts out in a better way after this...

[obiandelismom]

If I'm not paying close attention, I tend to slip into power struggles a lot with my 4yo. A few weeks ago my 3yo, 4yo and I were in a fancy nearby hotel (sometimes for an adventure we walk in, ride the glass elevator and get a package of cheese crackers from the vending machine. It's like Six Flags, but much cheaper. :LOL) and my 4yo suddenly darted away from me. He knew that was not ok, and gave me one of those "What are you gonna do about it?" looks. Normally, this is when I would blow - counting, threatening, etc etc. This time, I took a deep breath, let him get far enough away that he came back on his own (they always do, don't they?), and then I crouched in front of him and said, "When you run away from me, it makes me worry that you'll get lost. And when you run in a crowded place, you make it hard for other people to walk." Then I stood back up. We were quiet for a minute, and then he said, "I think I'll hang onto the stroller until we go back outside. It's safer, and I won't bother people."

[Wugmama]

:bump

We need some positive threads in this forum right now!

~Tracy

[EnviroBecca]

My 17-month-old bit me while nursing. I shrieked and made him let go by putting my finger in his mouth. He kind of shrugged and got off the bed and jogged out of the room as if nothing had happened, ready to go find some toys. I sat on the edge of the bed in a slumped posture, making my saddest face with very big eyes. He looked over his shoulder to see why I wasn't following him, then came back to the doorway looking concerned. I said, "I Don't Like It when you bite me. It makes me feel Very Sad." Immediately he rushed over to me with arms open wide. I hugged him and said, "I see you're sorry. You love me! I love you too! I feel better now." Then I made a point of really getting over it and being happy.

[**guest**]

today. not sure if this is the best moment, but it is fresh in my mind. DD asked me to write 'mama' for her. i did it. asking after each letter if this is what she wanted. when the whole word was finished, she melted down on the floor, as i wrote it wrong. :

the melt down was seemingly out of the blue, and to be honest i was irritated. i just put so much thought and effort into pleasing her (including interrupting a nursing session with DS), and what did i achieve? as i was processing this information (5 seconds) she started kicking me in utter frustration. i was ready to shut down myself. i was hurt and i was getting angry.

i got to her level, gently collected her, and validated her feelings. i told her that sometimes i feel this way as well. that little things matter. i told her that i would try one more time, and if it didn't work for her, that would be it.

when i was done writing, and she was pleased and calm, i talked to her about her behaviour being unacceptable. she came to me to apologise several minutes later.

and this could have easily been a huge power struggle. i could feel myself going there. and i am so glad i didn't.

[guerrillamama]

I love the fact that ds is so verbal about his feelings. I think this is because I reflect A LOT. Like, "You seem really upset..." "Are you frustrated? You look frustrated..." "I understand that you're angry..." "You're crying. Is it because you're sad?" There are so many emotionally illiterate men in this world, I always swore that I would never raise one, and YAY ME! I'm succeeding.

He tells me all the time how he's feeling and, increasingly, we can ward off big trouble this way.

For example - He used to tell me "I cry" during or after a crying fit. Now he tells me before. So I can say, "You're going to cry? It's ok to cry if you need to, but can we talk about this first?"

Or, he'll tell me "Mama, I wery angry!" And it seems to make a world of difference if I stop everything and appreciate that. "Wow, you are very angry that you can't go outside right now. I can see how angry you are." Sometimes he will just say "yes" and drop it from there and move on. Amazing.

I also love it when he tells me how I'm feeling. "Mama, you angry?" He's inviting me to talk about it.

[DevaMajka]

There have been times that I've seen ds about to hit one of the dogs with a stick. He'll stop, shake his head no, and go on to hit the couch or the floor instead. hehehe (without a word, or any intentional gestures on my part)

There are also times that he'll do something that he's not really supposed to do (like spill water, or mash up food) and he'll come get me right away and show me. Then he helps clean up. I dunno, I think that in itself is gd success- that he's willing to admit he's done something that I might not like and he wants to help clean it up.

And, this may not seem like a gd thing, but it seems gd to me, if you think of "gd" as teaching. I've been telling him for a while now that if he's diaperless, and he has to pee, that he ought to either pee in the toilet or in a diaper. That's all the "potty training" we've done. He catches it sometimes, and he'll tell me, and I either put him on the potty or put a diaper on him, whichever he prefers. Today, he came in to me and took me to his little potty- he had pee'd in it on his own! (just a tiny tiny bit- most of it was on the floor. lol). He showed me, then took the potty in to dump it in the toilet (that's his favorite part of it, I think. lol).

[sadie_sabot]

Originally Posted by guerrillamama

I love the fact that ds is so verbal about his feelings. I think this is because I reflect A LOT. Like, "You seem really upset..." "Are you frustrated? You look frustrated..." "I understand that you're angry..." "You're crying. Is it because you're sad?" There are so many emotionally illiterate men in this world, I always swore that I would never raise one, and YAY ME! I'm succeeding.

He tells me all the time how he's feeling and, increasingly, we can ward off big trouble this way.

For example - He used to tell me "I cry" during or after a crying fit. Now he tells me before. So I can say, "You're going to cry? It's ok to cry if you need to, but can we talk about this first?"

Or, he'll tell me "Mama, I wery angry!" And it seems to make a world of difference if I stop everything and appreciate that. "Wow, you are very angry that you can't go outside right now. I can see how angry you are." Sometimes he will just say "yes" and drop it from there and move on. Amazing.

I also love it when he tells me how I'm feeling. "Mama, you angry?" He's inviting me to talk about it.

awesome!

[loraxc]

DH gives DD her bath every night. It is usually a good time for them, but recently DD has been in a VERY challenging phase and there has been a lot of protest over hair-washing and face-washing. I heard them gearing up for a struggle again last night and just came in and started chit-chatting with DD while DH just sat and di not try to wash. I got her very involved in talking about our trip to SeaWorld, asking lots of questions, and she was so interested in our conversation that she totally forgot to protest the hair- and face-washing, which DH did while we chatted. I always forget how much it helps to engage her mind with questions to get it off a physical power struggle (diapering, dressing, hair-washing).

Along the same lines, we have recently created a characted called "Little Undressing Guy" who appears when DD does not want to undress herself or be undressed. He's just my hand, but I use a different voice and say, "Oh, Little Undressing Guy is going to take off your shirt! Oh, oh, oh, better hurry or he'll do it!" This works so much better than using my grim stern voice and saying, "DD, TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT or I will take it off." Sort of a spin-off on the "talking diaper," which worked wonders for us, too!