First of all, good for you for wanting to make a change and break a cycle that so many are unable or unwilling to.
I gave up trying to have my DS lie down for changes when he was about 14 months old, for the reason you mentioned. I use disposables, which many here don't, but I went to the pull-up kind so that I could change him standing up - all wet diapers get changed standing up, and it has made SUCH a difference - *sometimes* I can even change the poopy ones standing; I'm getting good!...he just doesn't like being made to lay down, which I can hardly blame him; I know I'd hate to be forced onto my back while someone took off my clothes, wiped me down, and then put my clothes back on me! :LOL
I think if I had to summarize how to get into a GD frame of mind (because it definitely is a frame of mind), I'd remember these two "tests" that I learned of on this forum, and use frequently to judge my responses to my son in various situations:
- Would I treat an adult friend or family member the way I'm treating my son, if they were in his place?
- Would it be OK for my husband to treat me the way I'm treating my son?
I find that if I can't confidently say "yes" to either of these questions, chances are I need to regroup and think of a better way to solve problems.
I also find that trying to see things from his point of view helps a LOT...and often, what I thought would be a "no", with some minor modifications, becomes a "yes" (though I still draw the line at him catapulting himself over the back of his daddy's recliner
Hope this helps!
FWIW, I like Anthony Wolf's "The Secret of Parenting", though some here don't (there is a fairly wide variance in what is considered GD from what I can see. Wolf's book definitely puts the parent in charge, and some GDers are uncomfortable with that). I'm also reading "Playful Parenting", and think it's great, too...I'm a pretty playful parent already, but it's helping me with specific situations and suggestions on how to play them out. The book list sticky post at the top of the GD main page is a great resource for books, and if you search those titles on this forum I'm sure you'll find lots of different opinions on them!