Not ready

[allgirls]

I am just not ready for this labour and delivery or another baby...honestly if I went in labour now I think I would drive to the hospital...insist they hook me up to an epidural and have a nap.

Natural birth takes so much focus and relaxation and rediness and preparation and I am no where near ready...I really hope my stress level decreases before the baby decides to come because I am seriously not ready at all.

I thought hubby was coming home today..he called me and said he would be and called back and said he had one more trip to Albany and would be home Friday...I broke down and cried...then I couldn't talk to him anymore I was so upset. Now I a ticked for worrying him on the road...grrrrrr......it's been really rough doing it all alone for the last 4 wks and I thought it was finally over...the disappointment is too much to handle right now.

This is just too hard by myself and I am not ready for birth or another baby quite yet...I am running out of time too...I never ever thought I would want to go over due but I do...I am just not emotionally able to handle one more thing. I need hubby to come home and take over for at least one day.

I should have gone home to have this baby instead of staying here all alone. I am not going to my midwife appt today because I just don't have the energy plus I know they will recommend a hospital birth due to my iron and I can't take one more negative thing.

I am trying to relax and breath but reality comes in and stresses me out again.

I don't know if I have ever been this miserable in my life and it should be such a happy time.

Sorry for the whine but I had to get it out there.

[runes]

No need to apologize for venting.

Hugs, mama. Hang in there!

[mamas2atti]

So sorry you are felling this way. I know I don't "know" you but you always sound like such a strong woman to me. You can do it.

Sending peaceful and happy vibes your way. Best of luck to you.

[bebetuck]

Not sure how helpful this will be to you, but sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed with emotion, I try to remember to ALLOW myself to feel that way. There's something incredibly liberating about doing that, it's as if you're saying to yourself, I don't have to be different than I am, even though it's yucky right now. I hope this helps, even if just a little! Hang in there

[buffybutt]

Allgirls, I was wondering how you were doing and if you were hanging in there. Im so sorry that you are feeling icky. I read this on another post and wrote it down for me, It may help you or piss you off but either way take care of yourself.


TRUST: Trust my body and trust my baby to do what they need to to bring him into the world safely and when he's good and ready.

SURRENDER: Surrender to the process of labor (even if it takes weeks!) This also helps me to remember that I don't have to DO anything here, just let all of this happen and accept it however it's unfolding.

RELAX: Take a deep breath, feel my body relax, send love to my baby.

[lovnbnhome]

Originally Posted by mamas2atti

So sorry you are felling this way. I know I don't "know" you but you always sound like such a strong woman to me. You can do it.

Sending peaceful and happy vibes your way. Best of luck to you.

This is exactly what I was thinking too!! I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.
YOU CAN DO IT!!

[RyvreWillow]

***hugggsss***

i TOTALLY feel for you, even though my situation is not the same.

*Sigh* i'm not ready either, everyone is pissing me off, especially my OB, lol. Everything has a way of crashing down on us at once, and obviously i'm not the only one it happens to! Both of our cars are on the verge of collapse (one is out of commission, though if we could start it, i suppose it would get us there), my parents are moving farther away *right* now due to sudden life changes for them (they still plan on taking the kids for us during the birth, but argh, it's not so simple to get them there on our way now), my doc is putting constant pressure on me about my nonexistant "diabetes," and my baby's "high weight" which in itself does not worry me (it's only the scalpel-happy doc that does that to me), my husband and i are talking about him getting a vasectomy, which needs to happen RIGHT AWAY before our insurance runs out (is it just me, or is this sort of a big decision?), something is wrong with the plumbing and/or septic for our house, plus our regular financial issues, etc etc. Bleck.

[rozzie'sma]

Oh allgirls, take a deep breath and cry it out if you have too. It can be so hard not having dh there when you are pregnant. I went through it and it sucked. I can't imagine that and older children. Just try to remember that right now your only concern should be this baby. Talk to it, listen to it. Bond with it. Remember that soon that child will be here. Try to look at the good things in your life. And if all else fails some time with Ben & Jerry always helps me.

[Worldshakerz]

I will third what mamas2atti said, you have always come across to me as being a very strong lady. Big big hugs to you and I hope your DH babies you when he gets home on Friday...you really deserve it!!! You deserve spa style pampering after being alone for 4 weeks!

[operamommy]

*big hugs*

I hope things look up for you soon.

[Stephane]

Big hugs. I understand the overwhelmed/not ready feeling, and I don't have a traveling dh! I am just now feeling like it will be ok, but I still have moments of panic. I too feel I'm just not physically ready for the birth. I don't get enough sleep and I'm just really tired. That's how I FEEL, but I KNOW I can do it. I'm sure you know that about yourself too. I hope just venting and crying makes you feel a little better about things.

[beansavi]

Maybe your anxious feelings of not being ready are actually a part of nature's process saying you are. KWIM?

Hang in there Mama.

[allgirls]

Thanks ladies..you guys are the greatest!

Hubby did come home for the night...gone again this morning...but he took over with Sophia and I am happy to report that she behaved exactly the same way for him as she did with me.

I think part of my stress has been with how she's been such a handful lately...she's terribly two in the past couple weeks and I guess I was thinking partly that it was my fault because I don't have as much patience and she's sensing it and partly that she wasn't as bad as I was thinking but that my patience was low and I was just not dealing the same so it seemed like she was worse

Anyway...hubby, who is the most patient person on the face of the earth came home and she had him completely unnerved as well. I think he was shocked. He's like "why is she like this" and I said "I am so glad you see it too...it's probably just a normal phase but it's really hard"

She is screaming, yellling, whining, throwing, telling us to "shush up" etc....my older daughters say it's from preschool but ihave watched the preschool class...there is none of this at all. It's a phase I believe

On top of that my 11 year old was sick tuesday, my 15 year was bullied and a run in with principal and teacher, yesterday my 15 year old missed her bus and Ihad to drive her and then go tomy other child's school meeting, my 11 year old was to listen for the monitor for Sophia and when I got home Sophia was up...she had gone to bed at midnight...since she is not a napper I knew I was in it. All these terrible behaviours happening and tired kids to boot.

So I skipped my midwife appt. Somewhere around 5pm hubby came home and took over...I sent the kids up the street to the local restaurant before that.

So that bit of me-time has helped. I also managed a shower in there, something that hadn't happened in 2 days. I was in there a long time
!

Anyway...I have to do it all alone again today...but kids are at school and Sophia is still asleep...I will get my shower and get ready for the day...seh has her 2.5 hours at daycare today and I think I will go get my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed...more me time.

Thanks for all your support. I usually hang in there pretty good. But yesterday was one of those "end of my rope days"