cancer support help

[funkygranolamama]

My mil has lung cancer. She was diagnosed 3 years ago when the docs tried to tell her 2 years max was all she would live. I'm not a believer in their death sentences anyway. Seems to me a positive outlook might help them heal better. Anyway, she has been through several treatments and her cancer continues to grow. She is going through all of these stages of emotions that I don't know how to handle. I don't know what to say to her when she starts talking about her death and fears. I will continue to be there for her, as I love her, and I know she needs to talk. I will continue to listen to her as much as she needs to talk, but I need some advice from some of you who may have been through this. What do I say to her? I know nothing will make it all better but sometimes when she starts talking about it I go blank and don't know what to say to her. Any suggestions?
Thanks

[kate42]

I'm dealing with it with my mom. She recently finished chemo for breast cancer and earlier today she had her ovaries removed due to some funky cysts.

At first, I was uncomfortable listening to her talk about it. I mean, it's my mom . I don't want to hear about how she might die.

But, I realized that it helps her just for me to listen. Many times, I simply sat on the other end of the phone after she came back from chemo, just listening to her talk about the experience. She dealt with it by educating herself about all aspects of the disease, treatments, statistics, etc. It helped her to be able to teach me about it. She saw cancer as something that she could deal with through knowledge.

So, I ask her a lot of questions that she can provide answers to. I think she feels that she has more control with the more she knows.

Ask questions and let her talk as much as she needs to. Even if it's a horrible topic (like her fear of death), I would still keep asking. Let her educate you about what she feels. Reassure her that you will be okay if she passes from the cancer. Let her know that you will be with her to the end.

If she doesn't want to talk about the cancer, that's okay too. Pretend she doesn't have it and just talk to her like you always would. Gossip about celebrities, talk about hairstyles, argue about politics, whatever. She may have a hard time separating herself from the disease and it might help her to have just a normal old chit chat. I'm not saying to ignore the cancer, but it doesn't have to be the only thing you talk about.

It's so hard, trust me, I know.

PM me any time you need to.

[JennInSeattle]

http://www.oneplace.com/Ministries/H...t/Archives.asp

This week June has been talking about how people can help those with cancer taken from her own perspective when she had cancer 4 years ago. They are 15 minute segments, just scroll down. She lists 31 things you can do to help and I thought it was wonderful to listen to all week long even though I don't know anyone with cancer. They are free to listen to and I hope they'll help.

[funkygranolamama]

thanks

Thanks, mamas, for all of your love, support, and info
Be well