Discreet Schmeet!!!

[sparkprincess]

I know I'm preaching to the choir, but just let me rant okay?

I am SO sick of hearing: "I am all for nursing in public as long as the woman is discreet."

Why, oh, why do people always feel the need to add that last part in there?

Where do these people live that women are nursing so indiscreetly? When was the last time you saw a nursing mom prancing around topless? Or standing up on her chair beforehand to announce what she's about to do??

Anyone who has seen a woman nurse knows that you don't see anything! (umm, except for maybe some tummy/side and a small space so that the baby can breathe)

Nursing mothers already ARE discreet. When people say "discreet" I think they really mean "ashamed" or "embarrassed". Why else would they tell a women to leave the room, nurse under a blanket, or face in the other direction??

Why else would they continue to shoot her dirty looks even when she is nursing undercover, or in the ladies lounge??

I really, truly believe that most people do have a problem with the act of breastfeeding itself, but don't want to come across as small minded. Lot of good it does. :

[my2girlsmama]

Amen sister! Preach!!!


I've never been looked at much when nip...but Dh jokes that it's probably the look of death/mama bear growl I give off when I do?


Apart from some old men in malls who just don't know better......

[mamaofthree]

Thank god someone else thinks this too. I thought I was the only one who this little add on drove nuts! AGH! It makes me crazy. Your right when does a nursing mom NOT be discreet? What do they want you under a sheet... like that does SHOW that you are BF. The more crap you use to cover up the more obvious it gets. :

H

[Momtwice]

I think the people saying that are terrified of breasts that are not presented to them in a sexual and/or advertising context.

[ladyelmo1]

Originally Posted by Momtwice

I think the people saying that are terrified of breasts that are not presented to them in a sexual and/or advertising context.

:

[turtlemama77]

But didn't you know that NIP just isn't attractive??? (so says crazy lady on Dr. Phil...) Grrrrrr.

I remember when dd was little, 2 months maybe, and the first time we nursed in public I tried to cover up with a blanket. We caused such a commotion, and it was taking too long for dd and she started crying. If I had just DONE IT no one would have been the wiser, I'm sure of it. I wish the people who are so adament that nursing babes be covered would just leave all us mamas alone. We're just trying to feed/care for our babes, you know?

Sheri
Reese (12-22-04)

[Sharlla]

I have seen people out in public with their breast exposed without a child attached for at least a minute before attaching the child. But I think most women (like me) you wouldn't ever know that they were nuring, and I don't use a cover either.

[AuntNi]

Originally Posted by Sharlla

I have seen people out in public with their breast exposed without a child attached for at least a minute before attaching the child.

You're kidding! Where in MO do you live? In St. Louis, I've never seen anything like that, except maybe at an LLL meeting! :LOL

Happily, though, I do see quite a few moms NIP in St. Louis, but it's always impossible to see anything.

[Sarah]

Oh yeah... I am all for letting negroes ride on the front of the bus, as long as they bathe regularly.

Isn't that about it?

Love Sarah

[Artisan]

Here, here, Sparkprincess. I completely and totally agree. Be as discreet as you want to be, but don't start dictating terms to me and legislating "discreet."

[heldt123]

Yeah, I get annoyed by that too. I used to do the whole blanket war thing too, and have finally given it up because it is such a struggle. Today in the grochery store I pulled off in one of those empty isles to attach my son, when this lady and a man came up behind me and passed by. She turned all the way around and watched me. I consider myself quite discreet, but she may have caught a little flash of skin. She stood there with her mouth open and her eyes wide and looked exactly like this - : She then proceeded to lean over and say something to the guy with her. Give me a break!! I'm sure they would see a lot more at the mall after school gets out! Grow up!!

[~Nikki~]

Ugh. It's the "as long as" attachment that really gets to me, too. It's pretty ridiculous. The funny thing is that this comment usually comes from people who don't really deserve to have an opinion on the matter. Unless you've attempted nursing a baby in public, I don't think you should be allowed to comment on it at all.

The problem is that people have different opinions on what is discreet. Ok ok, so I shouldn't rip my top off and jump up and down to prep my breasts before hand. I get that. But where is the line? Can I just lift my shirt a tad and latch him on? That seems to be the least obvious method, for me. But oh no, what if someone sees an inch of skin while he's latching on. The world could end. I'm serious! I guess I could get nursing poncho. Or heck, lets take it one step further and carry around a full on circus tent with flashing lights on top that say "ALERT, ALERT, I'M BREASTFEEDING, TURN AWAY!!!" Yeah, that's probably the least offensive method.

[Momtwice]

Originally Posted by heldt123

Yeah, I get annoyed by that too. I used to do the whole blanket war thing too, and have finally given it up because it is such a struggle. Today in the grochery store I pulled off in one of those empty isles to attach my son, when this lady and a man came up behind me and passed by. She turned all the way around and watched me. I consider myself quite discreet, but she may have caught a little flash of skin. She stood there with her mouth open and her eyes wide and looked exactly like this - : She then proceeded to lean over and say something to the guy with her. Give me a break!! I'm sure they would see a lot more at the mall after school gets out! Grow up!!

If it ever happens again you could say "stop staring at me! you're very rude!"

:LOL

[heldt123]

Originally Posted by ~Nikki~

Or heck, lets take it one step further and carry around a full on circus tent with flashing lights on top that say "ALERT, ALERT, I'M BREASTFEEDING, TURN AWAY!!!" Yeah, that's probably the least offensive method.

:LOL

Yup, that would work!

[Devaskyla]

Originally Posted by Sharlla

I have seen people out in public with their breast exposed without a child attached for at least a minute before attaching the child.

And that's why I don't like NIP. It takes me way too long to get ds latched on and he usually freaks out a few times and pulls away. I either use a nipple shield, which I have to look to put on and then try to get ds on, or I don't and have to hold my breast with both hands for him. My choices are indiscrete latching or indiscrete nursing. Either way, it's not like I'm doing it on purpose, I just want to feed my baby and not have anyone notice. I've only nursed right out in public once and even though I found a little corner by the pharmacy with chairs, I felt like everyone was staring at me.

[sparkprincess]

I've done the nipple shield thing and its not discreet by anyone's definition!! :LOL
What a pain that was!!

Sharlla, where in MO do you live?????

It totally annoyed me: on the Dr. Phil NIP poll one of the options was something like "its okay to nurse in public as long as the mother AND the nursing child are covered".

That brings me back to the whole point that its NOT just about the possibility of people catching a glimpse of skin - they are uncomfortable with the act of breastfeeding! Period.

Grrrrrr. Its just messed up.

[minkajane]

I used a blanket for the first couple of months with DS because he had trouble latching at first, then he was so tiny that a lot of me was exposed. Now he wouldn't put up with a blanket even if I wanted to use one (and don't get me started on those ridiculous breastfeeding cover-up poncho things!). I even BF in front of my family without one and they're totally weird about anything they perceive as remotely sexual, like boobs. I've never had anyone say anything to me about NIP, and the way I see it every girl/woman who sees me NIP and sees that it's no big deal will be that much more likely to be accepting of it and willing to do it in the future.

[Mrs Dimples]

I have realized that when people say "discreet", they don't mean a physical state of being "covered". They mean that the mother should feel on guard, on her toes, a little ashamed, sheepish, deprecating. It's a state of mind, folks.

If you NIP - whether you're wearing a bikini, a blanket, or a burka - and you aren't ready to scurry into the bathroom at the first withering glance, then you ain't discreet.

I think if people really thought about, and understood, the implications of tacking on that "...as long as she's discreet about it" clause, they would be so incredibly ashamed of themselves. It's misogynistic, divisive, and completely fantastic in that it has almost no basis in reality.

I'm really fired up about this tonight. I just figured this out a few days ago - crystallized what it is (to me, anyway) that people mean by this phrase, and the attitude that goes along with it. Feminism has SO far to go. Human rights have SO far to go.

[mamaofthree]

So what if you see nipple for a minute? It isn't a darn sex show, it is a mommy latching on a baby for a feeding. The whole thing makes me nuts. It is even more madding (to me anyway) when it is moms against moms on this issue. (BFing moms on top of it). I have nursed all 4 of my kids in public, sometimes it is easy other times it is crazy. But I will be damned if I will ever be ashamed of a bit of nipple showing. Sometimes it is hard to get kids or babies on quickly and "discreety" we are all adults, just deal with it for the whole, what, 10 seconds to a minute it takes. If we could just get over that whole hang up of the darn nipple, like it is some sort of nasty secret... IT'S A NIPPLE, it's natural, it's beautiful, it helps get the milk to the baby! Heck people have no problem seeing rubber representations of them... the real thing aint so bad! :

H

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by Mrs Dimples

I have realized that when people say "discreet", they don't mean a physical state of being "covered". They mean that the mother should feel on guard, on her toes, a little ashamed, sheepish, deprecating. It's a state of mind, folks.

If you NIP - whether you're wearing a bikini, a blanket, or a burka - and you aren't ready to scurry into the bathroom at the first withering glance, then you ain't discreet.

I think if people really thought about, and understood, the implications of tacking on that "...as long as she's discreet about it" clause, they would be so incredibly ashamed of themselves. It's misogynistic, divisive, and completely fantastic in that it has almost no basis in reality.

I'm really fired up about this tonight. I just figured this out a few days ago - crystallized what it is (to me, anyway) that people mean by this phrase, and the attitude that goes along with it. Feminism has SO far to go. Human rights have SO far to go.

I agree - people expect the mom to be as embarrassed and ashamed as they are - the possibility that she is not is unacceptable, they can't handle anything that might cause them to realize their own point of view is nothing more than an artificial social construct developed by males, which they have swallowed hook, line and sinker, a lemming following along.

People hate to be revealed as wrong, and they hate to think they might have followed the crowd without thinking - they like to believe they have developed their own opinions.

And if you were to say that to someone opposed to NIP, odds are they'd deny it - "it's not that at all, it's just that people don't have common courtesy these days." Back around in their circular argument that will never come to a conclusion.

That's why I feel like moms are the ones who need our attention and support, because they can benefit from encouragement and from realizing, the shame and embarrassment are not really ours - they are being projected on us by others, and we do not have to accept that. We may not be able to change the minds of those who have bought into illogical cultural taboos, but we sure can find support for one another and fortify ourselves to carry on our everyday parenting activities shame-free. That in and of itself will present an opposing view to those in the population who have not absorbed the anti-bf messages yet.

Eventually those who still see nursing as a shocking and rude thing to do in public will be so few and far between as to no longer be taken seriously. The saying goes, "When a thing becomes commonplace, it is no longer noteworthy" and that's a reasonable goal, if we persistently inform and support nursing moms.