I'm wondering about this because I read the Aware Baby many months ago. The author, Alethea Solter, asserts that crying is a stress release mechanism for infants experiencing the trials and tribulations of infancy. She only advocates CRYING WHILE BEING HELD by a compassionate listener, not CIO.
She feels that sleep disturbances, whininess, and tantrums are largely the result of suppressed need to cry. Suppression occurrs through distraction and use of "control patterns," which include nursing and clutching a stuffed animal. She believes that until a cry is expressed, it remains present. Tactics to stop the cry only suceed in delaying the process and teaching children that their emotions are not respected.
She also says that an unmet need to cry is the reason that babies and small children may fall asleep in their parent's arms but awaken as soon as they are put down.
I thought it was a lot of nonsense until Dd had some irritable days around 7 months, and ended up crying in my arms for 40 minutes. The irritable days disappeared, and she cried in my arms about once a month, for 5 to 10 minutes, always seeming much happier after.
Now that she is a toddler, with more frustrations, it seems like she needs more of this, but as she is more captivated by her world, it is harder for her to sit in my arms and cry when it seems like she just needs to let go. Of course I eliminate all possible causes of crying that need specific attention, which these days is usually teething. I think this has worked really well but if Dh is around when it's going on, he can't stand it and he'll come and distract Dd. He says, see, she's fine. Then he leaves and the party's over, and she's crying again until she's had her say. Solter claims that toddlers can have increased needs for this release.
It's probably just a coincidence, but Dd is really good natured and has moved into toddlerhood gracefully. I give her more credit thatn I give myself. I also think of something I went through a few weeks ago, where I felt off balance and a need to cry that lasted for weeks until I finally was able to cry and express to Dh what had been on my mind. Life is so hectic, I just hadn't had a chance. But right away after I felt like my old self again, with no need to cry. So I've personally experienced that a cry stays with you until you go ahead and do it. At least with me.
Then comes the No Cry Solution. I have read Solter extensively, but not Pantley's work (we do not really have any problems that need solutions, dare I say). I understand that while Pantley is trying to offer moms a break from the night nursing, the lack of crying is of utmost importance, and she uses a stuffed animal to help accomplish this. I don't know if she goes on to say that tantrums are in any way affected by her approach.
Experienced parents please tell, So which is it??
She feels that sleep disturbances, whininess, and tantrums are largely the result of suppressed need to cry. Suppression occurrs through distraction and use of "control patterns," which include nursing and clutching a stuffed animal. She believes that until a cry is expressed, it remains present. Tactics to stop the cry only suceed in delaying the process and teaching children that their emotions are not respected.
She also says that an unmet need to cry is the reason that babies and small children may fall asleep in their parent's arms but awaken as soon as they are put down.
I thought it was a lot of nonsense until Dd had some irritable days around 7 months, and ended up crying in my arms for 40 minutes. The irritable days disappeared, and she cried in my arms about once a month, for 5 to 10 minutes, always seeming much happier after.
Now that she is a toddler, with more frustrations, it seems like she needs more of this, but as she is more captivated by her world, it is harder for her to sit in my arms and cry when it seems like she just needs to let go. Of course I eliminate all possible causes of crying that need specific attention, which these days is usually teething. I think this has worked really well but if Dh is around when it's going on, he can't stand it and he'll come and distract Dd. He says, see, she's fine. Then he leaves and the party's over, and she's crying again until she's had her say. Solter claims that toddlers can have increased needs for this release.
It's probably just a coincidence, but Dd is really good natured and has moved into toddlerhood gracefully. I give her more credit thatn I give myself. I also think of something I went through a few weeks ago, where I felt off balance and a need to cry that lasted for weeks until I finally was able to cry and express to Dh what had been on my mind. Life is so hectic, I just hadn't had a chance. But right away after I felt like my old self again, with no need to cry. So I've personally experienced that a cry stays with you until you go ahead and do it. At least with me.
Then comes the No Cry Solution. I have read Solter extensively, but not Pantley's work (we do not really have any problems that need solutions, dare I say). I understand that while Pantley is trying to offer moms a break from the night nursing, the lack of crying is of utmost importance, and she uses a stuffed animal to help accomplish this. I don't know if she goes on to say that tantrums are in any way affected by her approach.
Experienced parents please tell, So which is it??
You mentioned that your DH doesn't quite get the discharge idea? If you do like Solter's work, I'd suggest checking out Patty Wipfler's stuff...her site is 
: you go, Mama.
