|As for crying when hurt/frusterated/etc I know if I were crying (for any reason) and someone... tried to joke or distract me out of it I would be really mad....how do you help your spouse understand this?|
I've suspected that Dh has, as they say, issues, with crying. Finally, on our drive to our getaway for our ninth anniversary a few weeks ago, he talked about how his parents used to leave him crying alone in his room as a child and how abandoned he felt. It was his father's belief that showing any concern would "soften" him. There was one time when he remembers his mother coming into the room to talk to him, but the only other recollection he has of his parents coming into the room when he was crying, was when his father came in to hit him for crying!
He decided in those moments that he would be a different kind of parent. Yea! I am so proud of him for recognizing the problem and breaking an awful cycle - his grandfather was no pussycat so I can see how his father got his attitudes.
After I heard that it was easier for me to understand his reactions. Solter claims that when hearing our children cry makes us uncomfortable, we should look at our own hangups, including how crying was handled in our own families.
To help your Dh understand this point, he needs some gentle encouragement to look at himself.