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Postpartum Support Circle - Page 2

post #21 of 142
Today is so bad. I have my first therapist appointment tonight at 6. My daughter is downstairs, I don't want to play with her, I'm tired of my baby. Yesterday I was on top of the world and brimming over with love and enthusiasm for both of them. Today, I want them both to go away and leave me alone.

I will call my husband soon and ask him to come home early (again).
post #22 of 142
RW. Good luck at the therapist, it'll probably feel good to vent some. Thinking of you all...
post #23 of 142
RedWine... Yes, do something nice for yourself, a hot bath or some take out food of your choice. Do your kids know the "play dead" game??
post #24 of 142
Yesterday was great! My best friend's brother & his girlfriend were coming over, so I woke up, played with ds, cooked some breakfast, took a shower, got dressed in my favorite outfit (the one i fit!), put makeup on, cleaned the house, took care of the garden, did laundry AND drank a beer before they arrived. WHEW. My spirits & motivation were finally UP THERE. It felt so good to have a to-do list and actually feel EXCITED about getting through it...plus looking forward to some company---an outside perspective on everything. They were great too, took me out to dinner, had a drink or two, commented on what a great mom I am with ds (that means a lot to me as a young first-time mom!! I feel like everyone just judges me when they take even one glance at me and ds.)... Then I talked to DP last night and for ONCE wasn't just a gloomy voice on the other line trying to get some sympathy from him and make him feel guilty for not being there. We had a nice talk and the convo ended good too. I went to sleep with a smile on my face. (I also took my vitamins yesterday...I LOVE THEM...I notice a big ol difference...plus drank lots of water, ate healthy food, and did my t-tapp workout. I think the exercise boosted my energy WAY up).

I was on a roll yesterday! Sooo....my schedule is nowhere near the same today, but lets see if I can just keep my spirits up. I woke up, still in a pretty good mood. Gonna do my t-tapp workout when I get my butt off the internet!
Wishing all you mamas the best. I agree with CRISSY, keep on laughing!
post #25 of 142
Yay shell! Nothing like a good day to lift one's spirits, eh? Yeah, I'm Canadian

Originally Posted by shell024
Do your kids know the "play dead" game??
HA! my dad used to play "Dummie's Meeting" with us, and the first kid to talk, lost. It took a while for us to figure out!

p.s. "Dummie" as in mannequin, not stupid. Irish parents...
post #26 of 142
Thread Starter 
I'm so glad to see everyone coming to support one another!

It's very important to keep our spirits up! Make time for yourself here and there and do as little as you can get by with on bad days.

RedWine, good luck at the therapist. I hope they turn out to be good. It sounds like you need some help with mood regulating. It all unspirals so quickly, doesn't it? Are you taking any supplements? (I know I keep pushing these, but they just do so much for me!)
post #27 of 142
Redwine breath and exhale that was what my first therapist said to me. Didn't like her one bit that was her solution close your eyes and emagine theres a stop sighn and it will stop all those bad feeling and thoughts. She was totally not the therapist for me. The next day I made an apt. with another. I bonded with her totally make sure you find or have found the right one. I agree with the others take time for your self do what you gotta do.
post #28 of 142

ONE WORD: (google it if you want)

post #29 of 142
it has saved me. (or just really helped BIG TIME)
post #30 of 142

Cinnamon Harmony

In addition to EFA's and a good multi-vitamin, I have found that the herbal compound 'Cinnamon Harmony' by Touch of Sun Herbs is a great mood tonic for me. No, it is not strong like antidepressants but it sure can help smooth me out - sometimes even better than Rescue Remedy. Also, the homeopathic Pulsatilla can help too. So I just thought I'd offer these as a few resources to research.
post #31 of 142
Originally Posted by shell024
I get these visions when I'm carrying ds around "OMG what if I somehow dropped him and his head hit something and he just died???" and those visions are driving me crazy! Like, I know I would never do anything like that, but I hear about those accidents you know, and just get worried that it might be us one day.

This is a very common symptom in PPD, particularly with obsessive compulsive disorder. But the deaths you hear about in the news are usually women suffering from postpartum psychosis. The big difference between us and women with PPP is that we know that these visions are wrong and not us. I can't tell you how many times I had visions of dropping or throwing my son, or my own death or mutation in various ways. So, the fact that you know it's wrong even though you are thinking it is a very good sign.

I'm glad you are doing better.

post #32 of 142
Originally Posted by shell024
Do your kids know the "play dead" game??
Or the "tag mama and then run around the house tagging various pieces of furniture before coming back to tag mama who is lying on the couch" game.
post #33 of 142
RedWine -- I hope today turned out better than expected.

Originally Posted by RedWine
I will call my husband soon and ask him to come home early (again).
My mom stayed with us for weeks to "monitor" me and then left for a two week trip. As she left she told my husband "if you need me, you call." He called about a half an hour later, she stayed for several more months and then bought the house across the street.

Life was on hold for a long time, and I know it was hard for my husband in those days, but there really isn't any choice. And there is no such thing as "equitable" in all of this. We pay in our way, partners and family pay in their way.

post #34 of 142
Gale Force you sound that you know what your talking about thankyou for giving me the reasures that I'm not no psyco baby killer I question myself with the thoughts I have but like you said I do know there wrong. I love my children so so much. I beat myself up over it. Even if it was a thought I had a year ago. I can't forgive myself and I find myself dwelling over it. My mom also is a great advocate for me. She lives next door. She didn't realize how bad it was tell I let her read my thread As time goes by with ppd. I told her over and over again how bad I was feeling but I would never showed it with my children or my daily life. I wasn't the one how stayed in bed all day or cryed I just tocked it away inside. Even though my mind and body was feeling like I was going to explode. I'm curious to ask are you a success story did you get through it, How long did you go through it, and how do you feel now. Thankyou so much!
lots of love
post #35 of 142
When I started to think about slicing myself up, I knew there was something wrong. I was told that it's pretty common for new moms to become morbid, seeing as they deal w/ beginning and sustaining life. A Yin-Yang kinda thing. So if you add ppd to the mix, I suppose those thoughts will worsen. But you're not alone in them, and knowing that it would be wrong to harm yourself or baby is a sign of sanity, in my books. My worry was sharing that I had/have these thoughts w/ dp. Too afraid he would use that info against me, not understanding what was going on. So I just decided that some things weren't meant to be shared w/ him, and I foud other outlets.

to all of us today!
post #36 of 142
Originally Posted by CRISSY
I'm curious to ask are you a success story did you get through it, How long did you go through it, and how do you feel now. Thankyou so much!
lots of love
Crissy -- I think I am a work-in-progress success story. It's a long, long, long story with a lot of details, but the end of the story is that I found out why I was depressed and I am fixing it. It's very empowering. I have changed my life in a fundamental way as a result of the process I went through.

The depression began in early pregnancy (Fall 2001) and hit badly at about 30 weeks in pregnancy. i got a Zoloft starter kit and then got cold feet. I ended up at a homeopath who helped take the edge off until delivery. I totally sheltered myself -- no phone, no email. I couldn't handle one iota bit of uncertainty. My family didn't leave me by myself but they gave me space. I wasn't suicidal. As I told my midwife "there's no way I can take myself out without hurting the baby, so we're safe with suicide." That's when she gave me the medication. LOL. I didn't put that together until recently.

And the story goes on and on. Difficult birth, breastfeeding, screaming baby, etc. 6 months postpartum it got very bad again. I talked to my primary care doc who said "medication will just cover the symptoms, all women have hormonal shifts, but not all get depressed. Why are you depressed?" I actually left angry at him but his question nagged at my. The chiro agreed. Neither of them knew how bad my case was because I didn't give them full information. The doc probably would have given me meds to get me through. I should ask him.

I spent 18 months under various tests for toxiticities, allergies, and deficiencies and I had them all. As we identified one, I would make changes and I would feel better, but not entirely well. I cut out corn because of a corn allergy, I went on a candida diet, a cleanse for uranium (of all things), added Bs and essential fatty acids. Over time, I did feel better but still had pretty strong down cycles. In Feb 2004 I started on amino acids and BINGO it was like night and day. Aminos are very important in brain chemistry. Tryptophan, for instance,is the precursor to serotonin (as in selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors-- SSRIs like Zoloft). I have felt very good ever since starting on the aminos.

Why I am a case in progress is that I am still taking the aminos. My new chiro says that it's not that my diet is deficient, but that I am not absorbing it properly. He says there is still an underlying deficiency that's affecting my digestion. When that's fixed, I'll stop the supplementation. But in the meantime, they have save my life. I posted something about it in this forum and linked to a thread in Health and Healing that I started back in February of 2004.

Overall, I would say that the depression took about 3 years of my life. It would have been shorter had I had access to better resources from the beginning, but I was not in the position to read or advocate for myself, so the search happened in fits and cycles.

post #37 of 142
Thank you so much for the story Gale Force it really makes me think what I could be having issues with. I'm sure I have a deficiency somewhere. I'm curious to ask could a thyroid issue be causing my depression. I came up with thyroid issues when I was pregnant with dd1. It corrected it self after I delivered. With second dd I told the ob she would not test me I asked several times because I had all the signs and my thyroid swollen now I have no ins. I'm curious if my thyroid could be causing all this any feedback would be helpful.
lots of love
post #38 of 142
Originally Posted by CRISSY
I'm curious to ask could a thyroid issue be causing my depression. I came up with thyroid issues when I was pregnant with dd1.
Absolutely, positively yes. It is a classic and widely accepted cause of depression. Surely you have some recourse without insurance. Maybe post on Talk Amongst Ourselves for advice on that one.
post #39 of 142
Crissy -- there must also be some inexpensive things to add to your diet to help ASAP. I'll look into it.
post #40 of 142

Here's a good thread for you

And here's a whole list as you have time to read:


There are some really wise women who post in Health and Healing, so post questions there -- it gets a lot more traffic than we do here.

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