How can I encourage independent play in 3 yr old?

[addiesmom]

My DD just turned 3 a few days ago, and I desperately need some advice on helping her to play independently. Up until 5 mos ago, when DS was born, it was she and I all day long - playing! I would always try to get her involved in an activity to do on her own, but the most I would ever get was 5-10 minutes. The only time this was ever an issue was when I needed to cook or clean, but even then, I would get her involved in what I was doing and she would be fine. The problem now is that since DS has come along, I can't entertain her all day and boy is she PO'd! I make sure that when DS is down for a nap we do together time, but she still wants it ALL day long and throws tantrums/gets physical with DS when she doesn't get what she wants. All my friends have kids that will just go off and play by themselves, am I doing something wrong, or is it just personality differences (DD is definately strong-willed, whereas her friends are more laid back)? Am I just expecting too much of her at this age? Maybe I would accept it more knowing that this is age-appropriate behaviour instead of feeling resentful for being bullied into playing the Mama Show for 12 hours. Please help!

[meemee]

this kinda is indirectly related to your post. it was a v. good discussion so i thought i would post it for u to read

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...highlight=play

3 is a v. hard age. whoever coined the term terrible twos has a great sense of humour. i find 3 is much worse than 2.

my dd has gone thru intense clingyness phase from about 2 1/2. so much so that she has held onto me when sleeping and would wake up if i even went to the toilet. she cant even go to the toilet alone. so in that sense ur dd's i find is age appropriate behav.

throw in a sibling there and it makes it worse.

do u do any alone time with ur dd. where its just her and you. not when ds is napping. they are smart to understand why u r alone with them. but maybe once a week she and you can do something special together.

what kind of play does she like. u might already ahve this but how about a dress up clothes area, block area, art area. any kind of play she is interested in and can do it on ehr own without asking u for help.

[annarosa]

I wonder what kind of things you do together that she can begin to get an interest in on her own - painting, play-doh, sand and water play. or how about you telling her a story or singing to her while she plays on her own and you are doing something else with the little one ?
my dd likes to play for periods on her own - she only comes to me when she is tired, fed up,hungry or in need of some mummy time. how about designated mummy time periods - this would mean maybe structuring your day differently ..........?

[Denise K]

I was asking similar quesitons when DS was 3, and without a sibling in the picture. I don't think it was anything I did, he was just 3.

What I do know from my experience is that when DS is clinging and needing all the time I can fall into the trap of pulling away all the time. Which makes it worse. It's helped when I intentionally move toward him instead (I'm not just talking literally), and find the energy to play with him when I can. He does play independently much more now--except when he's haivng a hard time, and then he needs me in there again. L. Cohen's Playful Parenting (book) talks about making a dedicated playtime with your kid, on your calendar, to play whatever they want for even 20 minutes a week. That has helped me manage his needs and my low energy.