Spinoff of Schmeet: Moms of nipple-twiddlers - how do you NIP?

[aran]

I was reading the thread about how mamas feel pressured by others to nurse "discreetly" (whatever that is) and it brought to mind this question.

I think I would be OK NIPping DS (and have when he was younger), but he has developed a habit of kind of running his hands all over the place under my shirt, and pulling at the unoccupied boob, and pinching the unoccupied nipple while nursing. He freaks out if I don't allow it. In fact, if he's nursing in his sleep, it wakes him up if boob #2 is obstructed from his reach :LOL

Note: This thread is not a request for ideas on how to break DS of this habit. It doesn't bother me in private, and my nipples have practically no nerves in them anymore so it isn't really uncomfortable. DH is used to it too, and kind of thinks of all boobs like elbows or knees now, after seeing mine pinched, prodded and kneaded the way DS does.

If there are other mamas out there with DCs that are all hands (and that haven't chosen to battle to break them of that habit), do you NIP? What have your experiences been like?

I think there's there's no way John Q. Public could possibly accept this as discreet, and I have started chickening out in the NIP department, because I don't want to deal with the hairy eyeballs I think I'll get. I totally don't care if I show skin. I became totally unencumbered in that department soon after DS was born. If people think showing skin is a reason not to NIP I have no problem telling them where to go, but I think that the public's sexualization of breasts would lead to really strong opinions about the indiscretion of nipple-twiddling that make my constitution wither...

[JustVanessa]

:LOL
My ds like to fail his top arm repeatedly while nursing. My dh says it looks like he is beating the boob that feeds him
I still NIP and usually all I get are laughs when he wacks me. Sometimes he tries to wrap his legs around the non-nursing boob and kick off it. That sometimes brings some looks. Never had him twiddle a nipple though

[mamabohl]

my ds does that too...but i don't try to NIP him cuz he can't concentrate and just looks around...he'll only nurse in a quiet dark place.

[aran]

OK - so it looks like there aren't many moms of nipple-twiddlers here. I was hoping for some inspiration/good ideas. Maybe other people's DCs are mostly better mannered than mine

Thanks for the replies vanessa and mamabohl. Vanessa - the image of your dc trying to kick off the other boob is pretty funny! I am glad DS hasn't tried that! And I am thinking you are lucky in a way, mamabohl, that ds can't NIP, so you don't have to deal with this issue!

[JamesMama]

My DS does that to an extent. He'll do in in public sometimes, I let him stick his arm up my shirt and hold it down so I'm not totally exposed. I've gotten some looks but I live in the formula feeding capitol of the world so I'd get looks if I were nursing him wearing a burka so he was 100% covered, it's just the way these people around here are.

My advice, just go for it. You might get some looks, just shoot them a look back. Work on your "I DARE you to approch me, asshat" works for me! LOL

[ayme371]

My ds is quite the twiddler and we still nip. He also likes to stick his entire arm down my shirt when he is really eager or sleepy. Believe me I get quite a few looks when this happens. At first I felt a little uncomfortable but now I just feel like if somebody dosn't wnat to see it they can simply look away. Wish I had some tricks to share, most of the time I just give them a smile and gaze lovingly at ds. If anyone chooses to stop and stare that's their choice.

[quaz]

I've got a nipple-twiddling, acrobatic. I found I couldn't obstruct the twiddling when I nursed her to sleep, otherwise she would NOT sleep.

I found in many ways when dd hit that 13m range (and her acrobatic/nipple twiddling peaked), I really limited NIP'ing. At that age, I found she generally got the concept that we nursed at home and not out. When I did need to nurse her, I found that she didn't do the gymnastics or twiddling.

I'm not sure if it was just that when she nursed when we were out she REALLLY needed to nurse b/c I limited it to just that and she just concentrated on that, or what.


Anyway, if you haven't tried NIP'ing in a while (and depending on the age of dc), you could give it a try somewhere and see if the behavior is different out than at home like I found.

Tammy

[abac]

My ds twiddles and switches sides every 10 seconds or so. I still NIP and let him do whatever he wants. I will hold down my shirt on the side he's twiddling to cover myself, but I don't stop him from doing it, just pull my shirt over his hand to cover. If he's tired and not nursing, he will often stick his hand down my shirt to play with my nipples. I let him. I think it's adorable and have never gotten a rude comment or look from anyone.

[velcromom]

My ds is a diehard twiddler, I mean he HAS to have a hand on the other breast, preferably the nipple, it's automatic with him. I will let him have a hand under my shirt, resting on my breast or nipple in public. I don't care, and it helps him concentrate on what he's doing, like your ds, he gets more distracted by me trying to stop him. I have limited the extent of the twiddling, i.e. I do stop him from actually grabbing the nipple just because mine have never gotten less sensitive (if any thing, they are more sensitive!!) and the feeling of it sends screeching evil bolts of horror down my spine, lol.

I actually had never thought about what people must think of him having his hand on my breast when he nurses, he's always done it and I just think of it as the natural place for a baby's free hand to go!:LOL

[Janice in Canada]

I had daughters, I suppose that may make a difference of what the public thinks of this behaviour.

I nurse dd#2 till she was 5 years, and that was over a year ago now since we weaned. so my time frame of when she did, what, is a bit fuzzy. I probably NIP until she was 3 (she is very petite though, so she probably looked younger to strangers).

She twiddled. I recall letting her hand be under my shirt. I think I convinced her to lay her hand flat on my breast rather than twiddling - it would be less obvious then. I thought the public should be able to handle that, but not twiddling or a hand moving around. I think I may have tried to wear thicker sweater or a cardigan to help hide the hand.

I also remember pulling her hand over to my armpit, and holding her hand down with my arm.

Some of this was because I didn't like the feeling of twiddling on the nipple. The rest I didn't care. But I did put up with it, for some time. But at some point I did tell her that MUST stop, or she wouldn't be nursing at all. This was probably from year 3-4 or so. But I probably only NIP at that time if it was an emergency.

I'd say the public should be able to handle a hand directly on the breast. I don't think they'd understand twiddling at all - I know I had never heard of it, till I reached that stage.

Janice

[wtchyhlr]

Mines only 8mo and the twiddling has already begum. I'm trying to discourage it on the alternate boob, by putting his had on top of my shirt... HOWEVER, how do you deal with the ADORABLE ... pop off the boobie - look at it, pinch it, smile, and pop back on while NIPing? not a problem at home, but out and about...

[quaz]

Originally Posted by wtchyhlr

Mines only 8mo and the twiddling has already begum. I'm trying to discourage it on the alternate boob, by putting his had on top of my shirt... HOWEVER, how do you deal with the ADORABLE ... pop off the boobie - look at it, pinch it, smile, and pop back on while NIPing? not a problem at home, but out and about...

Add to that, the girl doing 'downward dog' (yoga move... basically an inverted v), and then balancing on one leg while nursing, and the other hand twiddling.... yah, NIP kinda slowed down once that phase began.

As others said, discouraging usually made things 100x worse.

Tammy

[slinginhipmama]

My Ds ALWAYS "plays" with the unoccupied boob, I used to try to keep him from it but lost that battle I do NIP and just make sure that my shirt is covering boob #2, sometimes we are discreet and sometimes not. Oh well, I just keep in mind that it doesn't bother me so it shouldn't (in theory) bother any one else.

It does kinda make me feel like a mama ape :LOL

[aran]

What great inspiration, mamas!! I am glad to hear that (1) I am not alone in having a DC that's all hands, and (2) it is possible to NIP without a scene despite the hands under the shirt.

Jamesmama, :LOL I have a great glare I can use if need be. I looked at your photo link and could totally imagine you staring down the rude onlookers. More often that would be my style rather than being able to do the loving gaze thing as ayme suggested. (Not that I don't gaze lovingly, I just don't think I'd be in the mood to do that while being stared at). Quaz, I've tried and DS does not distinguish between being out in public and home in terms of twiddling behavior! Oh well. abac, my ds did that changing every 10 seconds thing for about a month. I was relieved when he chilled out about that! I think he started doing it when he realized both sides let down at the same time. He didn't want to miss anything velcromom, I like your take - where else would his hand go?? I can't imagine enduring his wandering hands if my nipples were sensitive. You are a trooper! Janice, I also didn't really know that children could be all hands while nursing before now, so I can imagine many people are the same and would introduce their "breasts as sexual objects" bias, and all the negativity that entails. I'll try to reason with DS when he gets older, but for now, he's pre-verbal so I'll have to wait. wtchy, better make a big effort now if you really don't want the habit to start. Maybe a nursing necklace will work for you. It didn't for my DS and then I just got used to the prodding. quaz, :LOL slinginhip, I agree with your reasoning, but I imagine some, ummm, unenlightened folk not thinking of it in terms of you "not being bothered" but, well, you inappropriately enjoying it! That is so totally ridiculous a concept and it's obviously wrong to nursing mothers, but there's a lot of ignorance around about this... it just is foreign to so many people, around me at least!

Thanks mamas for the inspiration to try NIPpping again

[Sweetiemommy]

Originally Posted by quaz

Add to that, the girl doing 'downward dog' (yoga move... basically an inverted v), and then balancing on one leg while nursing, and the other hand twiddling.... yah, NIP kinda slowed down once that phase began.

As others said, discouraging usually made things 100x worse.

Tammy

Yikes!! I thought my baby was the only one that did downward dog while breastfeeding! I think it is hiliariously weird!

[Ruthla]

Would your ds be willing to have free reign of your other breast while both his hand and your breast were covered by your shirt? Is he old enough to understand "nipple twiddling is OK at home but not while in public?"

[aran]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Would your ds be willing to have free reign of your other breast while both his hand and your breast were covered by your shirt? Is he old enough to understand "nipple twiddling is OK at home but not while in public?"

He's usually, but not always, OK with having his hand covered. His new trick is that after he is done, he wants to stand next to me, holding on to both boobs for a little while, looking at them, smiling at them, and then go off to play.* His little "goodbye boobs" routine would definitely not work in public! :LOL What's more, he's not cognizant of the difference between public and private behavior yet, either. I am looking forward to that day. We're working on it

* OT: I never thought my teeny little boobs would bring so much happiness to anyone. I was a size "nearly A" before getting pregnant. They were the butt of lots of schoolboy jokes, although I wasn't critical of them because I was athletic and happy that they didn't jiggle much Now I see them totally differently

[babysgotback]

OMGoodness TY pp, thought ds was a boobfreak!

My 14.5 month old not only twiddles but likes to, how would you say it... cup my other breast with his whole hand and "jiggle"! I, too cannot nurse him without the other boob unencumbered or there will be problems! But sometimes the way he handles my breasts feels like the fasinated exploration of a teenage boy kwIm? My son twiddles, jiggles, strokes, and rubs the entire area. Sometimes he will even pop off the nursing breast to examine that nipple and give it some "hands on" attention. When he does that, he will often look up at me and giggle as if he's thinking, " Mommy has Boooobies, hehehe!"
So what I have found though all of this is that I kind of don't like it too much when DH wants to do his own twiddling. Anyone else in that boat?

[LeosMama]

I think of the twiddling as affectionate. When it gets too rough or annoying, I redirect him and/or ask him to stop and be gentle.

The breast holding, jiggling, cupping, stroking and fascination I actually find to be very sweet and endearing, because he's telling me that he loves nummies and thinks they're warm and soft and wonderful. He doesn't have any of the associations that adults do about breasts. He just loves the relationship with mama and it makes him happy.

I have outlined 'rules' for how dh is allowed to touch my nipples. No twiddling or pinching, this is very uncomfortable and very much of a turn-off. But the rest is about mindset, that it's foreplay and that's how I view it.

[Rainbow Brite]

Oh what adorable stories. My dd twiddles too, but when out in public, I'm usually carrying her in the mei hip carry (15 months) so I wrap teh tail around her (she loves to look up often)