"You scared me, Mommy!"

[fyoosh]

I very very rarely raise my voice to my son, but any time I get remotely frustrated with something he is doing, he cries and then says "You scared me, mommy!". I think he *knows* that this kills me. The first time he ever said it to me, I got so upset I started crying. It doesn't affect me as much anymore (because he says it ALL THE TIME now, any time I tell him to do something he doesn't want to do).

An example from last night... he knows we read two books, watch two shows, then it's bedtime (this thread is not about TV, so please don't comment on how we watch it before bed unless it is directly related in some way ). Well after the 2nd show, he wanted to watch Diago. I told him he already watched his two allotted shows, and Diago wasn't one of the ones he chose. He says "well I want to watch it!!!" I say "You'll have to choose it as one of your shows tomorrow night then. Please get in bed (his bed is 3 feet away from me)." So he starts crying and saying the whole "Mommy, you scared me" thing.

Any ideas on how to stem this habit? I was very tired last night so I don't quite remember exactly what I said -- it was something like "I did not mean to scare you, Dylan. I am sorry you feel scared" and gave him a hug.

Thanks mommas!!!!

[j924]

My ds is 2 and he just recently went through this phase just without the tears. Everyone time I spoke a bit above a normal tone or if I moved to fast or suddenly appeared etc etc etc he would get this deer in the headlights look and whisper "mama you scare me". At first I completely freaked out. I thought I must be much less gentle than I imagined. I was guilted out. Then he started to do it to his Dad, his sisters the cat. I realized that scared was just a new concept for him. If I thought I had startled him I would apologize, but if it was another emotion I would try and give him words for that. Frustrated was usually what he was feeling, but it is hard to blame that one on me! It lasted about a month to six weeks and now he has a super emotional vocabulary. HTH

[beeb]

It may be helpful to model other ways of expressing disagreement or frustration with what you are saying, e.g. "it doesn't really seem like you are scared. Scared means you don't feel safe. It seems like you are mad about not getting to watch the show. You could say, 'Mommy, I'm mad about that.' if you feel mad." or something to that effect - teaching the vocabulary of expression of emotions. You can also model expression of your own emotions in simple terms throughout the day about things not connected to him. "wow! that scared me a little bit. That startled me." "Man, I'm mad that I can't get this to work! I'm frustrated!" etc, etc, etc --- Just a suggestion, hope it doesn't sound too pedantic.

[beeb]

Just reread your post - with the kid already in tears you probably don't feel like doing the little "teachable moment" spiel - sorry. I would say "I'm sorry you feel so upset." rather than "I'm sorry I scared you" though.