Feel like husband is blaming me for ppd

[newcastlemama]

I want to have another baby and move to some property about 30 minutes north (we would have no house payment bigger house ect)

These are things that he has ALWAYS wanted to do but since I had PPD (1 year ago, I am on meds and normal again) he doesn't want to do anything because "PPD was so hard on him last year he can't think about doing anything big ":

I am the more adventurous one, but I feel like this is my husbands cop out for not taking risks (it is his DREAM to move to this place)..on top of that he keepes talking about: what if we move to the country and I get ppd....what if we have a baby and I get PPD....
I am on drugs and see a dr once a month!!!!I am totally fine except now I am resentful and angry!!!!!

HELP!!!!!!!

[Gale Force]

newcastlemama -- my PPD was hard on my whole family, particularly my husband and my mom (who lived with us to help with me). I know they both worry about another baby because they don't know how any of us will cope. I worry about it too.

Perhaps your husband is concerned about moving, you relapsing, and being away from the resources that have helped you get by before. And a move on top of PPD is a big deal in any case. We actually did it, but more because the move was part of the recovery, getting away from toxic air and water.

And you know, this is coming from someone whose life was put on hold for over three years in making a baby and getting through PPD -- if you are on meds and going to a doctor once a month, you're not well yet. It is a very long process. In my opinion, you need to look at the move in the context of your health -- will the house allow for a healthier lifestyle? Is the air cleaner? Will you be able to have a garden? I would focus on those issues in making your decision. The no house payment will be a positive for your mental health, but look at the whole package and discuss it with your husband.

My husband has confided on several occasions that he is concerned about me having another baby because it was so difficult with the first. It always put me in a tailspin because I have always wanted more. But as time marches on and I head closer to 40 I have actually gotten more relaxed about the issue and try to keep focus on rebuilding my body. As you wrestle with your house issue, try to make one small change that will help get your body ready for another baby -- add another good source of essential fatty acids to your diet for instance. Over time, all of these issues will get worked out. Best of luck on the house. Debt free is very exciting.

[Jish]

I have had late onset ppd with the last two of my three children. With the second child (first bout with ppd) it was awful. I went undiagnosed for a year, began having panic attacks and thought I was dying. My doctor kept blowing me off, calling me a hypochondriac and telling me to eat more. : I ended up in the hospital for six days when I was finally correctly diagnosed. After I got on meds and started feeling like myself again I was able to look back and see how it started and how it progressed. The silly thing is that depression runs in my family so you would think that I would have known, but it manifested in anxiety rather than "depression" that we tend to think of.

I too was worried about what would happen with number three, but I went in with an open mind and a lot of knowledge. I knew when it started and I got in to see my shrink and went on meds right away since I knew I was going to need them anyway. My doctors analogy was that when you get a headache, if you take asprin (or whatever) when the headache starts, it takes care of it and it doesn't get terrible, but if you wait until it is bad, it can be hard to get under control and you have to live with the headache much longer and deal with much more pain. The same thing applies to my depression, if I know it is setting in and I'm going to need meds (mine isn't well controlled by natural methods -- very chemical, and genetic) it doesn't make a lot of sense to wait until it gets horrible to go on them.

I can handle any amount of stress or chaos in my life without it affecting the depression -- it really doesn't have anything to do with my depression. As long as I have the meds to fill in the gap until my chemistry evens out I'm fine. You have to look at yourself and see what influences your depression. Is it mainly hormonal or chemical? If so, the daily stresses of life likely don't send you into a tailspin. If you do find that stress is a big trigger for you, then it makes sense not to try to couple to many stressful things at once. But only you can decide that.

I suggest taking your dh to your next doctors appt. Explain to the doc what is going on and let them help your dh understand that this is a disease, not an emotional or personal weakness. That seams to be such a common misconseption.

[newcastlemama]

To Jish and anyone else

JISH:: Thank you for sharing your story!!!!(sorry so long!)
I too was hospitalized for extremely severe PPD. Noone in my family really talked about it before until this summer when my dad told me he struggled with depression...the next month he was detained and taken to a mental hospital for two weeks for his first major manic episode.(my depression did start coming back--but just for a few days because I too know when I start falling now--at that time because I had to care for my manic father and my 11 month old baby...I was also the one who got him committed...this was EXTREME stress though..I was afraid for my dad's life..he thought he was God!) His sister also has problems with depressiom but she has always had hers treated. Looking back I too think, duh!!!

I see my doctor every month, not because I am still struggling like before, but becasue he is an excellent doctor. Anytime he puts people on mental drugs he VERY closely monitors them...I am even allowed to page him if I start feeling bad....I wish I had him all along...my depression took a long time to recover from I think mostly due to bad medical care (I left my old dr three messages that I was feeling very depressed, having chronic nightmares ect...He has never called me TO THIS DAY!!!)
I can handle noraml stress as usual now and my dr even says I have been stabilized for quite a while. My dr says it is probably something that I will just have to MANAGE for the rest of my life through healthy hablits, communication, meds ect.

I will have my husband come along to a dr appt and have him explain his fears and the dr can respond. I am not upset so much about not getting my way with dh as I am about feeling blamed and like I need to make up for something I did wrong..That makes me feel imprisioned!!!I have decided to make my backyard into a country setting with a garden and fruit tress in the meantime and just write in my journal and pray for the desires of my heart.

I am so encouraged to hear that you are doind well, that gives me a lot of hope. I really do think I have a chemical problem seeing what's happened with me and my daddy this year.

Jennifer

[canadiyank]

I can see how upsetting it would be to feel "blamed." I think that's an excellent idea to have your dh come to an app't with you!