When will you tell everyone?? - Page 2

[brendamr]

We've told only health care providers. Everyone else has to wait until Thanksgiving (if I can't stand it anymore) or Christmas (that's the plan) when I'll be at or near the start of the 2nd trimester.

I'm a really private person, so if something were to happen, I'd turn to DH for comfort. And, if I needed my best friend, she wouldn't be pissy about not knowing.

[Babygirls*mom]

We told everybody the second that two lines appeared on the hpt. We did the same when I was pg with our daughter.

[Bach4Babies]

Well, we're waiting until after the wedding...

to tell our families (Nov. 12), and probably, come to think of it, until after Thanksgiving. I think DH's family will be over the moon, but mine will undoubtably freak out. I'm really dreading telling them, which is sad.

I have told a few close friends and my supervisors at work. It's so hard keeping a secret like this.

(By the way, I know I screwed up my sig and picked the unpregnant pregnancy test! I'll fix it as soon as I can figure out how to. )

[Keeta]

I told my parents right away (I'm an only child and very close with my mom). I also told, let's see, 3 friends - 2 here at school who knew about the TTC plan, and 1 back in Oregon. I think that's it. We're waiting until the second tri to tell everyone else - 12/3. We'll probably tell DH's parents (who I can barely tolerate, but that's another story) on his dad's birthday, on 12/4. I gave my mom permission to tell her parents this past weekend to try to help my g-dad out of a slight depression. So not many know at this point. I really want to be able to tell classmates - so they can understand why i'm not so up to snuff this term!

[Bach4Babies]

OK, I fixed my sig

There, that's better.

I'm not trying to say "poor me, poor me" but does anyone out there have any tips for telling people you know are going to be harsh and judgemental about the timing of the pregnancy, your ability to provide financially (totally bogus, by the way), your choice not to birth in a hospital, your choice not to stay at home, the whole attachment parenting thing, and on and on and on????

I'm not kidding - I'm expecting real condemnation.

[TortelliniMama]

Originally Posted by Lisa Mitchell

I'm not trying to say "poor me, poor me" but does anyone out there have any tips for telling people you know are going to be harsh and judgemental about the timing of the pregnancy, your ability to provide financially (totally bogus, by the way), your choice not to birth in a hospital, your choice not to stay at home, the whole attachment parenting thing, and on and on and on????

How about a T-shirt that says, "I'm pregnant! Bite me."

More seriously, how would they react if you were very excited and obviously happy while telling them? I mean, if you weren't tentative at all. Would they still rain on the parade, or would they at least be quiet and only be judgemental later or behind your back.

If they're going to be unhappy about it no matter what, I'd probably just tell them, showing my own happiness, and refuse to get into a discussion with them, just repeating, "Yes, we're very happy about it. We're very happy." You don't need their permission to either be pregnant or to be happy about it, so make sure they know that. Good luck!

[Bach4Babies]

The t-shirt's not a bad idea....

Thanks, TortelliniMama! Our baby, our happiness, end of story.

[birthdancedoula]

We've told our parents, a few friends and a midwife friend of mine. Haven't told my classmates at school yet. I dropped out of nursing school once already for being so sick w/ my last pregnancy...I want to wait a few more weeks until this semester is over and I'm in the clear before I break the news to my instructors. I don't want them to think I won't be able to handle it. I really, REALLY want to graduate this time around.

[TryingMommas]

We just decided this weekend to tell pretty much everyone (family, friends) EXCEPT our jobs now that we've seen the heartbeat. It has been so hard not telling people. We're still not sure how long until we tell our places of work ... at least until my expected raise comes through Probably at or after Thanksgiving.

It was actually really cool telling my grandmothers, who are 85 and 94. I was a little nervous, since I wasn't sure how they'd each feel about 2 women having a child together (they are both supportive of us as a couple and came to our wedding). Anyway, when I told the 94-year old one I was pregnant tonight over the phone, she said "oh, good - did you have artificial insemination?" without skipping a beat. She is so with-it

[TortelliniMama]

Originally Posted by TryingMommas

Anyway, when I told the 94-year old one I was pregnant tonight over the phone, she said "oh, good - did you have artificial insemination?" without skipping a beat. She is so with-it

That's the kind of 94 year old I'd like to be!

[TryingMommas]

yeah, I'd like to be like her in many ways ... including that she told me tonight that she never had m/s with any of her 7 pregnancies!

[AugustineM]

I'm 11 weeks and we've told pretty much everyone except my job. I'm a part-time high school teacher and I took all last year off to be with DS#1, so it will be a little awkward telling them I'm going to be taking another year off! I don't know if they'll keep me around... So I'll probably wait as long as I can, like maybe early January, to tell them.

[mimid]

We started telling people Friday. More people know that we are pg than know about the trips.

[Keeta]

We started telling everyone on Thursday, after our u/s. All the extended family, my classmates, friends, and today we announced it at church. My DH got very emotional when he announced it, it was so sweet!

[Leakyboobs]

We told everyone right away. I probably would have waited to tell some extended family, but had to make extra phone calls trying to find my sis and MIL... I'm kinda trying to keep it a little muted at big family events since my sister's SIL just had her 3rd mc in probably 5 months... I've been the one lusting for a baby when someone else is pregnant and know it effing sucks, so I'm trying really hard to be considerate. (Thankfully, they are pretty sure it is just a progesterone imbalance, so she should be able to carry the next one no problem, since they get pregnant very easily... it's still just gotta suck though...)

Anyway, yeah, we were pretty excited so we were on the phone almost right away...

[Collinsky]

Right away I told my mother and two sisters. My first sister found out when I came out of the bathroom with a HPT saying "Is that a line???" LOL -- but after telling Dh I wanted to keep it under wraps for a few weeks. Partly because my brother and SIL had just had a m/c (within days of my positive test) and I wanted to allow them time. And partly because my Dh's family seems to think we're having too many, too quickly, and I prefer to keep people on a "need to know" basis... and if you're not delighted with my news, you don't need to know!! However my Dh did tell his mother (the main one I would have avoided telling for a while since she disapproves of everything we do) within a couple of weeks. (To his credit, he felt bad!) I would have waited until I was around 12 weeks or so.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by Bach4Babies

I'm not trying to say "poor me, poor me" but does anyone out there have any tips for telling people you know are going to be harsh and judgemental about the timing of the pregnancy, your ability to provide financially (totally bogus, by the way), your choice not to birth in a hospital, your choice not to stay at home, the whole attachment parenting thing, and on and on and on????

During pregnancy, you might have to limit contact with some of these people; and definitely have some support around you -- IRL if possible! but online is okay too -- to vent to and get encouragement from. Some people will be very negative responses, but deep down they do care about you... For each "concern" that these people have, think of a pat answer that is positive, gentle, and does NOT encourage further discussion.

Some people have had experiences in their life that affect their response and an open mind (ie objectivity) is your best asset - for instance a mother might have worked outside the home and encountered many difficulties. You can listen to her -- it doesnt' mean you are changing that decision, but if she had a problem then you can learn from her and troubleshoot. Or a mother is a SAHM, and sees many rewarding benefits to this, and is afraid that you will miss out on these -- you can also listen to her without feeling that she is judging you. SHe is only speaking from what SHE knows and that is all anyone of us can ever do. The same with any decision...

But I know... I get a lot of flack for many of my choices. The best advice I can give - if you ignore everything else I say, this is what you will want to remember -- Set boundaries!! This means that you decide what is and is not okay for people to question you about, discuss with you, etc. NO ONE has to like your choices. NO ONE has to agree with you or respect your ability to make an educated decision. And you don't have to work to make that happen! All you have to do is make sure that you can say the words, "I understand that you don't agree with us on this; thanks for your concern, but we are confident in our choice and it isn't up for discussion. Would you like a piece of pie?" And do NOT engage in any dicussion on the matter. Do not allow yourself to be pulled into that conversation. You don't have to defend yourself, and they dont' have to like it. You dont' have to be rude or hateful, but you have to be firm and clear so that you aren't left seething for weeks (which I have done!!)