Hi. I'm new and would appreciate opinions.

[David'smom]

My son has just turned 4 years old - he is an incredible, beautiful, smart child who refuses to use a regular toilet. For a long time we backed off from potty learning because he was very resistant, but managed this summer to get him to urinate in a potty. He wants to stand while doing it, which is quite the mess in a little potty, so I found a child's plastic urinal for him, which he loves. The problem is he will only use that (or occasionally the potty) at home. He will not use the regular toilet at home and will not use any toilet or potty outside the house (even if I carry one in the car). He will wear underwear and then need to be changed into a diaper to urinate (and poop - he will only do that in a diaper), and then be changed back into his underwear. We have tried bribery, gentle pushing and tons of encouragement but he wants no part of it. He is in school 5 afternoons a week and will not use the toilet there, he can hold urine for a phenomenal amount of time. Any suggestions?

Thanks so much!

[Carolinamidwife]

Hi and welcome!

We went through the exact same thing and all I can tell you is to have patience. I let external forces make me feel like there was something wrong with my son, people suggested therapy and all kinds of intervention but in my heart I knew he would do it when he was ready. It was hard to wait and I will admit that I did get angry with him a few times, we're all human, KWIM? Not angry that he had "accidents" but angry because he flat out refused to try. He started urinating in the potty right after turning 4 but he didn't poop in the potty until he was just about to turn 5. That was the worst part and the only thing that made me wonder if he might need professional help.

My son has always been on his own schedule, he's super smart and otherwise average but there are certain things he will not be rushed into. Could your son be the same way? My son could also hold his urine a phenominal amount of time, like 8 hours. All I can say about that is that when he does start wearing undies full time he won't have any accidents!

I can't give you any other advice because, IME, nothing worked. Not bribery or begging, just waiting. I have a toddler right now and I don't even plan on mentioning the potty to her. I spent an amazing amount of mental energy worrying about Max and if there was something "wrong" with him. I promise it will all work out in the end.

Sorry to make this AAM, lol.

-Amy

[Alkenny]

I agree with the previous poster, he will do it in his own time and at his own schedule. If you post in the Childhood forums, you may find some more help and maybe some hints or at least more reassurance.

Again, welcome!

[ceilydhmama]

A good friend is going through this right now with her son. She is working through the ideas on the Dr Sears' website
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T106600.asp

She is feeling a bit of pressure (self-applied) because our parent participation preschool can only have two kids in diapers and until her son "graduates" we can't take in any new little people.

Such is life though

[Nickarolaberry]

Welcome! :
(DavidsMom is my sister in law)

You're right on the money, babe. I knew you knew what was right in your heart.

He'll do it in his own time, just like talking (remember that?! how everyone was on your case to get all kinds of intervention and he blew them all off and then did it when he was good and ready?!)

Love you.

[mattjule]

my ds is 3.5, been peeing in the potty no problem any place since his 3rd birthday but will not poop in the potty. Will not try. Can not be bribed, coerced, encouraged to try. It is hard to wait, I really feel you. If we are out in town or at someone's house when he feels the urge, he'll just hold it. Then he doesn't have the urge for a while. He'll hold it for days unless we get him in a dipe and some privacy. He would rather were his slim, 1 yo brother's dipe than try to poop in the toilet (ds2 wears a size 2-3, ds1 wears a 6). Won't poop in a dipe in the bathroom even. I am really tired of the dipes, though. Especially when he can control it so well, it seems so purposeless, like he is making work for me unnecessarily. Just venting my potty frustration. I have had no success either. But I tell myself that I sucked my thumb until I was 12. I highly doubt I'll be changing a 10 yo's poopy diaper. He'll get it. Someday.

[Dandelion Grrl]

Im with your sis in law...

My dd is getting close to 3.5 years old. She is trained at home(peepee) but still wears a pullup on outings and WILL NOT poop in the potty.

I try to look at it this way. She will not be going to college in Pullups :LOL

[AAK]

Wow, I don't know what to feel. I have been so frustrated with my dd and she is only 3. Partly because she self initiated peeing in the potty before she was two. That totally through me off because I would have never expected it. But little sisters like to do what big sisters do. However, she also had pooping problems and problems with public restrooms. She would rather pee in the middle of the library than use the public restroom. Patience (and a pull up on longer outings) made that all bearable until recently. We had had like 6 weeks without any accidents poop or pee and she was regularly using public bathrooms to pee. And then all of a sudden we were having daily poops in pants. It was so specifically irritating because I "knew" she could do this. At first I though, hmm regression is normal and tried to ignore it. Then I moved onto being disappointed (not mean or punishing, just "gosh, I am disappointed that you pooped in your pants. . .). Then I even tried bribes (I usually don't bribe my kids).

Then, we had our well-child visit. I love our ped. but never ask parenting advise. So he asks about the potty training, etc. I mention that I am frustrated with pooping but am not real worried about it. He goes on to tell me his strategy, which I listen to patiently but decided that cleaning up the mess is easier than that agenda! Anyways, we go home, Kayla had an accident and it was her last. I don't know if it bothered her that I spoke to the dr. about it and that he talked to her about it (he was very nice) or what but I am very happy that we are accident free again.

One thing that I heard worked for kids who would request a diaper to poop was to give them the diaper but require that he/she sit on the potty in the diaper to do it. Something about helping them to learn to poop in that position -- also having a stool that their feet can reach so they can push into it with their legs. This worked for a friend of mine with her 4 year old. In our case, Kayla didn't want a diaper, would refuse it if we asked. So we weren't able to try this out.

Good luck!

Amy