Next time someone asks about socialization... - Page 2

[SunRayeMomi]

Originally Posted by quakerlady

Just the other day she noted that my 2 year old is talking a little "too well" and that she guessed that I might have to deal with the same "IQ problem" that made life as my mother SO difficult.

Oh boy this is a problem isn't it? Let's make sure everyone is just "average" so that no one is capable of advanced thought and no one rocks the boat(maybe this is why people can't wrap their heads around homeschool.) My daughter is bright and she makes my life pure joy. The ONLY set back to her high IQ is that sometimes I forget she is only four, but this is my hang-up not hers.

I LEARNED the following:
1) It is not okay to be excited about learning.
2)It is not okay to pursue your own interests or do things in your own way.

Which "real world" did school prepare me for? The one of small thoughts, small achievements, limited horizons.

Yep and Yep. It sure is uncool to dig learning, isn't it? I think I perfected the art of being a cool booknerd. My friends always asked me for advice or the answers, I dunno somehow I convinced them that knowledge is power and learning is cool. Not that they spent more time paying attention in class (they just asked me to explain it of course ) but atleast they didn't give me crap after that. This is definitly one thing I hope to pass on to RayeAnne.

[applejuice]

Originally Posted by quakerlady

I LEARNED the following:
1) It is not okay to be excited about learning. (mostly I learned this from my fellow students, ESPECIALLY my good friends, who on a few occasions cornered me in the hallway to remind me that class was not supposed to be a private conversation bewteen me and the teacher, would I PLEASE shut up and stop answering every question? but I also learned this from teachers).

2)It is not okay to pursue your own interests or do things in your own way.
The only things that get positive feedback are the ones that meet the letter of the assignment. Everything else is useless crap.

Totally true.

As a teacher, I have had students that needed extra help and I would try to do this for 5" at recess time. My partner teacher said,"What are you doing?"
(Ah, teaching? - I am a teacher...)

At the other end, I had students in third grade who would want to share what they saw on the History Channel over the weekend. The principal said there was not enough time for this.

I knew I was a nerd in school when I was the only student who got excited about history and about English & Latin grammar.

[tinaq]

Just the other day she noted that my 2 year old is talking a little "too well" and that she guessed that I might have to deal with the same "IQ problem" that made life as my mother SO difficult.

[ShannonCC]

This is totally off topic but I did want to comment that high IQ *often* (no, not always) does come with some issues. I'm not saying it's bad to have a high IQ, but if you are dealing with some of those issues (with your kids or in your own life) it does help to talk to other moms, read some books, etc. Not to try to change the kids, but to understand where they are coming from.

[SunRayeMomi]

Originally Posted by ShannonCC

This is totally off topic but I did want to comment that high IQ *often* (no, not always) does come with some issues. I'm not saying it's bad to have a high IQ, but if you are dealing with some of those issues (with your kids or in your own life) it does help to talk to other moms, read some books, etc. Not to try to change the kids, but to understand where they are coming from.

Right exactly, not to change the kids.... but they can be challenging. That's why the point is that we enourage them, not write them off as a diffulty to deal with. because there is a reason why it's called "gifted" (it's a gift, not a burden)

[ShannonCC]

Originally Posted by SunRayeMomi

That's why the point is that we enourage them, not right them off as a diffulty to deal with.

Yes! But my point is that if your mom had other moms of gifted kids to talk to and maybe books to read on the subject, and had a clue what was going on and that she wasn't alone, she might not have been so quick to write you off as simply a difficult child Or maybe not, since I don't know your mom

[LeftField]

I, personally, hate the word, "gifted" for the whole "gift" thing. It makes it seem like it's an additional "gift" over what you'd normally get for a child and I think that's part of the reason why people bristle when they hear that word. And it's not always a gift, IMHO. It's just another way of being, complete with its own challenges and rewards. The whole "gift" thing causes people to misconstrue what it actually is. I wish they would use, "high IQ with asynchronous development" or something that was more accurate in description. But, at any rate, what your Mom said to you, Quaker Girl, would tick me off too. It was a negative take on the whole package, straight off the bat.

On another subject in this thread...

I also learned that school was not for learning (unless it's on the test). My assigned peer group strictly enforced that. After I was punished through being ostracized, several peers threatened to beat me up on a regular basis. I made myself a target in 8th grade history by volunteering that anthropologists have a difficult time reconstructing "faces" on skulls sometimes, because the nose is actually cartilage and therefore its past appearance is partly based on guessing. Yeah, I only had to learn that lesson once. School was the most anti-intellectual place I've ever been to. Even in the honors classes, kids did not want anyone to talk about anything that wasn't on the test. They didn't seem to want to learn; they wanted to perform well, which is completely different.

[LeftField]

Originally Posted by mykdsmomy

Great answers... thanks mamas.....I wish you could all be there for answers when I get put in these positions with family members/acquaintances. I dont seem to be able to defend my decisions with as much articulation as you all have here....
I was made fun of VERY BADLY in a Catholic school growing up. For eight years, I was told I was ugly, hairy, stupid, etc...then there was the verbal/emotional/physical abuse at home.....so homeschooling wouldnt have helped me much but if my mother was a loving mother, I would have surely benefited from being at home as opposed to being scarred for life and I mean that in a very serious sense. I have massive self esteem issues from those childhood years....I want it to be different for my children!! Thanks mamas

I was tormented in Jr High School and I used to secretly cry in my room after school. My sister had it worse though. They used to say things like, "What paw do you scratch your ear with?". It didn't teach us to have good self-esteem (quite the opposite). It didn't teach us to live in the real world at all. It took years into adulthood for me to really learn to like myself and to forget what my peers had taught me about myself. I had to deprogram myself, basically.

I mean, if your family keeps bringing this sort of thing up and you want to discuss it with them, you can tell them that you never learned those impt socialization lessons. You're an expert on this, because you have had the school experience. You know they're wrong, because you've lived it.

Also, homeschooling doesn't mean your kids will be locked in your home. It doesn't mean they'll be cut off from the real world. And it definitely doesn't mean that they won't have to deal with bullies and mean people.

Anyway, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Many hugs to you for what you went through and what you're dealing with now...

[muttix2]

I love that, its so cute! I'm going to show it to my dh.

As for school teaching the "real world"... I read an interesting question awhile ago. When, in the real world, are you going to face getting beat up daily while the people who do it face no punishment because it wasn't "seen" happening? After racking my brain you know the only thing I came up with? Prison. If there is a bully at work, you report them. "Beating up" is assault in the "real world" and punishable by jail time. That real world thing makes absolutely no sense to me.

[rootzdawta]

Originally Posted by quakerlady

Okay, how about this:
This was my mom's whole reason behind almost every decision she made about my education. She never wanted me to be in a school that really met my needs because she wanted me to learn to "cope withthe real world and deal with normal people. Just the other day she noted that my 2 year old is talking a little "too well" and that she guessed that I might have to deal with the same "IQ problem" that made life as my mother SO difficult. I never really learned much academic info in school, just demonstrated what I already knew from voracious reading. I LEARNED the following:
1) It is not okay to be excited about learning. (mostly I learned this from my fellow students, ESPECIALLY my good friends, who on a few occasions cornered me in the hallway to remind me that class was not supposed to be a private conversation bewteen me and the teacher, would I PLEASE shut up and stop answering every question? but I also learned this from teachers).

2)It is not okay to pursue your own interests or do things in your own way.
The only things that get positive feedback are the ones that meet the letter of the assignment. Everything else is useless crap.

So then I find myself in college, conditioned to deny my own interests and excitement and supress original thought.

Which "real world" did school prepare me for? The one of small thoughts, small achievements, limited horizons.

I am still trying to "unschool" myself.

So, so true . . . wow, I can't believe someone else has gone through these same feelings. I was tortured in school and slowly learned to shut up and keep to myself (never answer any questions and quell my curiosity). Like a pp said, my self esteem is just now slowly building. At my age now, I'm still trying to figure it out. My child is not anywhere near school age, but these are the things I contemplate when trying to decide on public or private school or homeschool. Public school is looking like less and less of an option.

[warriorprincess]

The whole "gift" thing causes people to misconstrue what it actually is. I wish they would use, "high IQ with asynchronous development" or something that was more accurate in description.

I say that my son is "academically advanced". It's accurate, while not indicating that his "gifts" are any more important than his sister's "gift" with dance.

[Ruthla]

That about sums up my own "socialization" in public school!

I'm not a homeschooling parent but my kids go to a very small, very new, "alternative" private school and I face a lot of the same stuff. They don't get the fancy art and music lessons offered in the "wonderful public school" and there are only 6 children in their class (which is based on readiness, not chronological age.)

I can't seem to convince my Mom that they're not missing out on anything.