Expectant queer mamas check-in

[lexbeach]

Hi pregnant mamas and partners of pregnant mamas!

I was just feeling curious about how everyone's pregnancies are going. How are you feeling? If you have a partner, how is she feeling? Have you found out the sex of the baby? What kind of birth are you planning?

I am feeling okay, though quite large. I am now just about 32 weeks pg with twins, both supposedly boys (the last ultrasound made me wonder if one of them is a girl--just from the face, not anything really telling). I am on bedrest which is both boring and kind of nice (getting around was getting quite hard). Dp is getting more excited than I ever thought possible. She definitely always supported the pregnancy, but I was definitely the one pushing things along. Now she spends hours just sitting in the "nursery," staring at baby clothes, and exclaiming "I just can't wait any longer!" I think she is excited for me to not be pregnant anymore so that I can do more of the things I used to be able to do. We are having a hospital birth, probably a c-section, but maybe not if the babes get flipped around into the right position ( I hope, I hope!). I am just hoping to hold off until January 27th, when the babies will be old enough to be born at our local hospital, and we won't have to go to the big city hospital 1/2 an hour away (not as queer friendly).

Can't wait to hear from you!

Lex

[Henry's Mom]

So great to hear about your pregnancy and that all is going well, enjoy the bedrest, you'll be running around after your two soon enough!

This is my first post!

My dp is 32 weeks yesterday, due end of February. We have a 21 month old ds , conceived with a friend who is involved but not a parent-we keep trying to think of what to call him, parent doesn't seem accurate but he is Henry's Dad and we refer to him that way, any ideas?

It's been an easy pregancy, as was Henry's. We are in the can't wait to meet this person blissed out stage! It took us a long time to get pregnant (10 years of on and off trying with a variety of friends) so we still can't believe we got pregant the first time let alone have this fabulous son and another on the way!

We don't know gender, figure it's worth lettting this little person just be who they are without imposing all of our cultural ideas of what it means to be male or female, they'll have a lifetime of it.

Thanks and looking forward to more reading and posting!

Rachel

[birdwomyn]

Hey.

I am only 8 wks along. We are expecting twins (ala the u/s @ 6w4d). We don't know the sex yet, obviously. We are busy scouring garage sales, thrift stores etc for gender neutral baby clothes. We did get a gift certificate for Target from SIL for christmas and bought outfits for the babies -- not matching, but similiar just for fun.

DP is very excited about the pregnancy. She is fully invested in the process, has been all along. She brought two teenagers with her into the relationship 3 1/2 years ago when we officially got together. (We'd been friends since 1993). The two older kids will be 20 and 21 when the twins are born -- the older one is a girl and she is especially excited for us. Her brother just thinks it is strange, but he is generally happy for us.... He learned a long time ago that what ever makes his mother happy is likely to make him happier in the process!

I am still waiting to get the referral from the RE to the particular high-risk OB he wants to send me to. I'm 37 and pregnant with twins so he considers me high risk -- oh well.

I look forward to hearing from you all.

DP and I have been struggling with the whole "what do the babies call us?" question. The older kids call her mom and me kathy because I didn't enter their lives significantly until they were in their late teens. But the new babies, we want to both have some kind of mom name -- what are you all doing? encouraging?

kathy

[seraf]

the preganancy here's going well. jen's very excited and we are still trying to come up with names. we don't know that the baby is a girl, but i've had a lot of girl dreams and jen's dreams have finally come around to girl, too.

so i'm 30 weeks now, not bery big or very small. if all my good preg pics weren't naked, i'd post some. i'm still sleeping on my stomach, which seems impossible.

we still have to look into guardianship things, b/c we can't do an adoption here

don't know much else... we have some very supportive family and some no-longer-welcome-in-their-homes family. it's been a strange time, i can say.

we both start our new jobs this week hahahahahaha

[madison]

lexbeach, I can't believe you're THAT pregnant already! Fantastic! Sorry to hear about the bedrest - enjoy all that lounging around, lol! Here's to hoping the babies turn perfectly for a nice vaginal birth!

Kathy, congrats on YOUR twins, also! Here's hoping your pregnancy is calm & uneventful!

Seraf, and I can't believe you're 30 weeks, either! Wow, time flies. I've also had that same reaction - mostly positive reactions, a few "what are you thinking, that's weird" reactions, and a few people here at work who never said congratulations etc. and who don't appear to see me anymore, like I'm invisible. Whatever!

I'm now 15 weeks tomorrow, and starting to feel better. The morning sickness is going away, except for when my stomach gets too empty. I've only gained 3 lbs, but I can't tolerate ANY sweets or anything fried - so it's all good weight gain, lol! I had about 4 whole BITES of sugary crud over the holidays, my mother was sooo impressed, LOL. I haven't felt the baby move yet, but keep trying to find still, quiet times to calmly hold my hands on my belly and see if I can feel anything, and talk to him/her. I have my second prenatal appointment tomorrow night and can't wait to hear the heartbeat again! I am loving taking naps, and sleeping more than usual - is it possible to "bank" hours spent sleeping, LOL? I'm training myself to go back to sleep quickly with my pee-3-times-a-night trips in preparation. I'll be choosing birth classes soon, and haven't decided if I'll just take the ones at my birth center or seek out an independent facilitator. Both my parents bought me baby chothes and maternity clothing for Christmas, LOL. They are being goofy, but I'm so happy they are excited. I'm hoping that now that I'm officially in the "2nd Trimester" that I'll get that almost normal burst of energy and get organized at work and at home, make new resumes and all that jazz (preparing for Life With Baby). We'll see!

I have no idea what to tell my grandmother, who is in her mid-80's and very conservative. My mom (it's her mother) is freaking out. I keep trying to send my mom to PFLAG, but she won't go, silly woman! Heck, *I* may go to PFLAG and see if anyone has any brilliant ideas. I'm my grandmothers favorite granddaughter (and first), and my mom thinks "you're being lesbian & pregnant will KILL HER." Meanwhile, I keep talking to my grandmother weekly, and treasuring those moments, and each time I wonder if it'll be the last time we'll speak

I'm out to the whole freaking world - except family (beyond immediate family). Why is it so much harder to tell those people who are family than it is complete strangers? (I know ~ it's because I actually CARE about what my family feels, says and does; but that makes it harder).

Anyway ~ if it's a boy he'll be named "Ian Andrew" and if it's a girl, she'll be named "Aerin Elizabeth". 2nd choice names are Sean Daniel and Tara Christine!

[birdwomyn]

Originally posted by madison

I have no idea what to tell my grandmother, who is in her mid-80's and very conservative. My mom (it's her mother) is freaking out. I keep trying to send my mom to PFLAG, but she won't go, silly woman! Heck, *I* may go to PFLAG and see if anyone has any brilliant ideas. I'm my grandmothers favorite granddaughter (and first), and my mom thinks "you're being lesbian & pregnant will KILL HER." Meanwhile, I keep talking to my grandmother weekly, and treasuring those moments, and each time I wonder if it'll be the last time we'll speak

I can relate to the issue with your grandmother. My maternal grandmother is also in her mid 80's. My mom "outed" me to her a long time ago (I think it was a control issue for my mom, she couldn't control me, but she could attempt to control/manipulate the relationship between my grandmother and me). My grandmother freaked out and prays for me to see the error of my ways everyday. It has been really painful to deal with her reaction.

On the other hand, she is dealing (somewhat) better with me and my partner and our two adult kids than with my sister and her two bi-racial children, one who is "born out of wedlock". My sisters and I have really challenged my parents and extended family to s---t---r---e----t----c---h!!!! Some have responded really well, others have not. I am curious to see how she handles the twins once they are born. The real test is whether she sends you Christmas money to cover gifts for everyone (she sends $ for all four of us, but not enough to my sister to officially include my youngest -out of wedlock- niece). It really surprises me she includes my DP and kids now. Next christmas will be the test for the twins -- I guess they will be born "out of wedlock" be default since we can not legally get married.... of course it may help that (hush hush) sex was not involved in creating them.

Does anyone else ever sit and laugh and cry and rage at the insanity of homophobia and heterosexism!?!?

Best to all.

kathy

[lexbeach]

I'm so glad to see everyone checking in! I think that this experience really can be different for queer mamas, and it's nice to get to share it with you all.

Madison- Yay for the second trimester! I hope your m/s quickly vanishes and you get that much desired energy kick (mine only lasted about 3 weeks, but it sure was great). I agree with you that this pregnancy has gone by really quickly! After the first trimester, time just flew. Of course, now I've only got 3.5 weeks left and it is just d-r-a-g-i-n-g. About your grandma: you never know how people will react when there's a baby involved. One of Dp's grandmothers is a very conservative, very religious, catholic woman. Although we have been to a few family events over the past few years, Dp's father (who loves me, and is very supportive of us), always made sure to point out that I was Dp's FRIEND. When I got pregnant, Dp and I decided that it was time to "come out" to that side of the family. It took us a couple of months to convince Dp's father (he argued that grandma is old, and why bother upsetting her, etc., etc.), and then he ended up being the one to tell her. And she was totally great with it! She embroidered me in to the family tree she has hanging on the wall, and has already made space for the boys' names to be added. There hasn't really been any talk of Dp's and my relationship (it's just not mentioned), or HOW I got pregnant, but everyone already loves these babies. So. . . maybe your grandma will surprise you too!

One part of pregnancy that I was not expecting is how everyone assumes I'm straight! I guess this is probably a fairly common thing for most non-pregnant queers, but since I live in a town with a large lesbian population, most people don't assume anything re: sexual orientation. But as soon as my belly popped out, everyone started asking me about my husband! Also, I think because I am young (22), a lot of people have been asking me if this is a planned pregnancy, even people who know that Dp is my partner, lol!

Anyway, I'm bored in bed, so please continue to update and entertain me!

Lex

[Elliesmama]

I want to join in! I'm 16 weeks pregnant with our second child. DP and I have a 2 and a half year old girl that we recently completed a 2nd parent adoption for DP here in good 'ol Georgia.

We know we are having a boy and just got the amnio results saying everything looks good- WHEW! I hated that part.

Madison--I am still waiting that burst of energy, too. I swear I never had it with my first preg. I've gained a whole lot more than 3 pounds at this point. It seemed the only thing that kept me from complete nausea was eating all the time! Oh, well, I'm glad the nausea is gone.

I have to say that both Nancy's (DP) and my family have been wonderful. Nancy's folks treated our daughter like their own grandchild from the day she was born and they are really conservative. They even have come out to their extended family.

One thing I have encountered, even from my very liberal family (my 70 yr old mom marched in pride this year and many years past) is the way they think it will be hard/wierd/ difficult for us to raise a boy. (maybe I should start a new thread?) To me, I see it all as "parenting".

Lexbeach-- Hope all is still well there. It does seem the last few weeks take forever.

Elizabeth

[madison]

Elizabeth,

Looks like our pregnancies will be pretty close... I'm 15w/1d! We can commisserate and celebrate together! Congratulations and welcome!

Also, that's great about your second parent adoption going through! In Georgia, no less! So good to hear about conservative states granting adoptions

Anyone else?

[megincl]

Another expectant mama checking in.

My partner is now about 28 weeks pregnant with our son! We are both so excited. She doesn't want to go to work lately -- just wants to stay home, read about babies, and prepare.

She's been having some bad back pain lately (any suggestions?), but overall, things are going quite smoothly.

Me and the boy enjoy frequent "play time," which I love as it provides me with a bonding opportunity too.

Glad to hear all is well with everyone out there!

Megin

[lexbeach]

Welcome Megin!

I'm glad you found this thread. The babies inside of me also enjoy "playing" with my partner. I think it's really neat because they're generally quite shy; when they're kicking and people put their hands on my belly to feel it, they stop kicking. The one exception is Dp. Even if they're NOT already kicking, they start when she puts her hands over them. They only do this for her and for me. They also start kicking when they hear her voice in the morning. I just think it's so cool that they're already forming a bond with her. I think they will already know she's their mom when they're born.

About backache: from what I've read, it depends on which part of the back hurts. Lower back pain is generally due to "not carrying the baby the right way." It can be helped by trying to stand/walk/sit with your breasts pushed out as far as possible, and your belly held in. Upper back pain, however, is caused from the weight of the belly, and can't really be helped. I find it helps some to sleep with a pillow under my belly, so that my belly isn't pulling on my back muscles all night. But at 28 weeks your partner is probably already sleeping with lots of pillows! Taking a warm bath/sticking a hot water bottle behind me is what I've found to be the most relieving. Oh, and a massage from Dp is always welcome .

I see that you live in Cambridge! I was born and raised in Cambridge, and think it's a great place to grow up.

Hope to hear from you again!

Lex

[seraf]

madison, i dind't even get ttired until i was 13 weeks, so you might not get an energy burst

megin, try a birthing ball, when i was only 28-29 weeks, (that was a joke, you know, back inthe day) i like to squat and stretch my back up and rest forward on the ball. it felt so good on my back. i still sleep on my stomach, tho. if i roll onto my side in the night, my bakc gets really sore by morning.

families are weird. jen's dad outed her to her grandma. i still haven't forgiven him for that. i thout it was cold. her mom begged her not to come out to her grandma (it'll kill her) but she's been more supportive than the rest of her family.

i think some will come around and those who don't can not enjoy my loving adoration or their grandbabies'

seraf

[megincl]

thanks to all for the backache advice (what's a birthing ball?). i'll pass it all along to dp, who is currently at prenatal yoga, which seems to make a big difference.

so neat to hear of another (former) cambridge resident. we're relatively new to the area so would love to know of any great spots, resources, etc that you might suggest.

be well -- to all!

megin

[mammabear]

link to birthing ball info

http://www.birthsource.com/proarticl...article02.html

[lexbeach]

Hey preggos!

Just checking in to see how you're all doing, how the baby-growing is going. I am STILL pregnant. I think I might very well be the most pregnant person ever. . . Well, maybe those moms of septuplets have me beat. But I am now 38 weeks, and the babies feel really big inside of me. I am having a c-section on Tuesday morning. The babes are breech, the doctors say it's time for them to come, and while I think I'd normally want to wait until I went into labor, I'm so done with being pregnant! I want to meet my babies sooooooo badly. My fundus is measuring 50 cm. It is a very big belly.

So, the next time I post, I'll be posting as an actual, factual queer mama!

I had a funny dream last night. The babies were delivered by c-section, and then after I was all sewed up, the nurse brought them in to me for me to nurse. And, well, the babies were VERY cute, but they were also biracial! They had this beautiful mocha-colored skin and lots of dark hair. The sperm donor we used is caucasion, as am I, so having biracial babies was quite a surprise! I didn't mind at all, I just thought, "oh well, they must have sent the wrong sperm!"

In real life I am certainly getting VERY curious about what these little ones are going to look like.

I hope all continues to be well for all of you. . .

Lex

[simonee]

I may not be a regular poster on this forum, but I jumped at the chance to be the first one to wish lex, her dp, and Jasper and Lukas a wonderful "first" meeting! I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday and waiting for your story!




50 cm!!!!!!!! Holy guacamoly my dd would say. You really better pop before you drop!

[Irishmommy]

Lexbeach, I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday. Congratulations!

[MysticHealerMom]

best wishes for a wonderful birth and speedy recovery from surgery, Lex.

Lori

[Elliesmama]

Lexbeach-- looks like today is your day--hope all went well!

Madison-- How are you? I'm at 22 weeks as of yesterday and glad not to be huge yet, but I know what's coming. Is this your first?

Elizabeth

[Henry's Mom]

Been thinking about Lexbeach and hope all went well.

We are at 39 weeks today, have had loads of contractions but nothing sustained. My dp is feeling good, anxious about labor but energetic and positive.
We are most focused on 23 month old ds and wondering how it will all go with labor, delivery, life, etc! We plan on having him at the birth with 2 support people so he can come and go he pleases.
Looking forward to meeting Charlie or Alice any time now!
Best to all you other pregnant and partners of pregnant gals.