We just had our fourth baby, a beautiful and healthy girl named Hillary, three weeks ago (Oct. 1st). I knew during the pregnancy DH was stressed about having #4, even though we agreed about it, he was not against it or anything. After Hillary's difficult birth by c/s, I was thrilled to pieces to lie in bed and rest and just look at her, she's such a miracle and a joy. Also, I'm thrilled to be feeling as good as I am, and right from the start, although I have been religious about getting proper rest, I have been able to at least help out with cooking and stuff. So that it does not all fall on DH's shoulders.
Our life is usually very busy with homeschooling (mostly that means playing piano), swim team every afternoon, and play dates. But for these two months we've cut back so I can rest totally, and DH just takes them to swim team every afternoon (when his schedule permits.) So right now, it's more stressful for DH because he's getting less done at work (which I asked him to EXPECT in October and even November), and he has been such a jerk lately.
He keeps making comments like "there are just too many kids," "Four is too many," "Having four kids sucks," and so on. And he says this when we're with the kids---damn him! It's not right!! I'm already stressed about returning to homeschooling and piano with four kids, but I'm trying to stay 100% positive about it because I believe in it, and having him constantly undermining me by making comments like "If it were up to me, I'd just send 'em all to school and not have to see them all day,"...it is SO NOT HELPFUL. He found the first week so difficult, when I was in bed sleeping and he had the three kids all day---welcome to my reality, dude! It's HARD, but it's also cool and fun and keeps me thin LOL! But since then he has been so undermining of my efforts by making the school comments and the too-many-kids comments. And I feel like sh*t, wondering why I even bother! I'm holding Hillary and looking at her, thinking, "Am I the only parent who loves you?" I just went through hell to grow and birth this baby, and he just denigrates the whole thing, all the kids and all the work I've done with them.
So I'm discouraged and no, it is not postpartum depression. I'm thrilled with our beautiful kids and excited about getting healed up and returning to active life, swim team and outings and stuff. But god, it's so hard to stay positive with that idiot around. I feel more and more distant from him, because I have to distance myself or I'll go crazy. When I've tried talking with him it has not helped.
Have other people had this postpartum issue? Has it gotten better? I feel so sad that DH is not happy about this baby. I know we both need a vacation, but still....can't you be exhausted and happy about the new baby at the same time? Even though we're both exhausted, couldn't he be supportive of me and the path we're on? Damn this is hard.
Our life is usually very busy with homeschooling (mostly that means playing piano), swim team every afternoon, and play dates. But for these two months we've cut back so I can rest totally, and DH just takes them to swim team every afternoon (when his schedule permits.) So right now, it's more stressful for DH because he's getting less done at work (which I asked him to EXPECT in October and even November), and he has been such a jerk lately.
He keeps making comments like "there are just too many kids," "Four is too many," "Having four kids sucks," and so on. And he says this when we're with the kids---damn him! It's not right!! I'm already stressed about returning to homeschooling and piano with four kids, but I'm trying to stay 100% positive about it because I believe in it, and having him constantly undermining me by making comments like "If it were up to me, I'd just send 'em all to school and not have to see them all day,"...it is SO NOT HELPFUL. He found the first week so difficult, when I was in bed sleeping and he had the three kids all day---welcome to my reality, dude! It's HARD, but it's also cool and fun and keeps me thin LOL! But since then he has been so undermining of my efforts by making the school comments and the too-many-kids comments. And I feel like sh*t, wondering why I even bother! I'm holding Hillary and looking at her, thinking, "Am I the only parent who loves you?" I just went through hell to grow and birth this baby, and he just denigrates the whole thing, all the kids and all the work I've done with them.
So I'm discouraged and no, it is not postpartum depression. I'm thrilled with our beautiful kids and excited about getting healed up and returning to active life, swim team and outings and stuff. But god, it's so hard to stay positive with that idiot around. I feel more and more distant from him, because I have to distance myself or I'll go crazy. When I've tried talking with him it has not helped.
Have other people had this postpartum issue? Has it gotten better? I feel so sad that DH is not happy about this baby. I know we both need a vacation, but still....can't you be exhausted and happy about the new baby at the same time? Even though we're both exhausted, couldn't he be supportive of me and the path we're on? Damn this is hard.
I really don't have any suggestions for you other than to just hang in there, eventually he will come around and realize that 4 kids are just right for you two and he will be happy with it. It's just harder for some men to adjust.
: the vibes are wrong and it is not fair to you to have another thing to worry about. you're KEEPING the baby and he needs to SUCK it UP 
that sounds mean, huh? maybe if you have a complaint for the next few months you should bring it elsewhere too (like here) so as not to open up the discussion. vent elsewhere so he doesn't start his complaints again. it is hard and you should not have to be responsible for all the schooling and house-stuff and loving. he needs to do some of it too. it's okay, too, to have stuff everywhere and messes you didn't have before and ask the kids to change a diaper or take out the trash or put away the groceries. or take a bath and let them bang on the piano and pour their own cheerios (mostly on the floor) and wear pjs the whole day.....the things we never do with one are OKAY woth four
and they way you are handling this situation. Good luck and congrats on baby hillary.
