Dr. Phil tries to keep child from "turning" gay?

[ebony]

I'm not a big fan of Dr. Phil but I saw that this show was going to be about gay people so I tuned in. Did anyone see this show last week? Parents sent in a tape about their toddler, about age 3 or 4, who is boy but loves everything girly. The mother was filmed as saying, "I would be the worst mom to have a gay child because I am so homophobic." When the couple appeared on the show, someone interrupted me so I missed the first 3 or 4 minutes of what Dr. Phil said.

When I returned to the TV, I saw Dr. Phil trying to calm their fears, explain it's propbably just a phase, told them to try to phase in neutral toys since he refused all of the "boy" toys and said if that didn't work he would help them get a therapist.

At no point did I hear him say, "He might be gay. So what!" I also wasn't sure if the therapy was for the child or the parents. I was really disappointed with this, since the show talked about being gay and he sat their and told some lesbian that she was just fine the way she was. I was confused about how he dealt with these parents.

[mamarhu]

I am having a technologically bad day

[2happymamas]

I saw this Dr. Phil show and I was absolutely mortified!!! I also expected him to say, "So what if he decides he is gay when he gets older? Big deal, he's still your son." But oh no, Dr. Phil recommends therapy if the boy still likes "girly" things when he gets older. I was hopping up and down, so mad. That entire show made me very sad and I was extremely disappointed in the way Dr. Phil handled the show.

Dr. Phil never said anything to the mother about addressing her homophobia. WTF!?!?!

[johub]

If this boy still likes girly things when he gets older and lives with homophobic parents he probably will need therapy.
I didnt see this show, but I am usually a fan of what Dr Phil (but not always) has to say. It does seem like a really stupid way to present things.
If this was a teenager who WAS gay I am sure he would have told the parents that they ought to get some therapy to learn to accept their child for who he is. It would not have been a bad idea in this case either.
Joline

[Mamma Mia]

I'm surprised at this because form what I understood, he says people are born gay or straight or queer. He is a total misogynist though, so perhaps this is more gender than homo for him. I'm am pretty surprised hdidn't say,"So what?" myself! Oh well, chalk it up to another few tally marks in the "I hate Dr. Phil" column.

[Shiloh]

Parents sent in a tape about their toddler, about age 3 or 4, who is boy but loves everything girly

Or he could be so well adjusted that he just plays with what he likes.

My friend growing up had a doll, dressup clothes that included dresses etc. you name it he enjoyed them and other more 'female nuturing' type play. He's a happy well adjusted hetero stay at home dad. My ex's current partner was a military man... I am sure he had more 'boy' toys and gun type things. And how come cooking is girly until the man becomes a chef....then he's an expert?

I loved all things boyish lego, military toys, karate, fishing, sports, I had dollhouses only for construction purposes! Joined the military (never served wonder how they misplaced female paperwork so easily and I'm pretty hetero. I love it when my ds says his goal in life isn't to be a 'fireman' but a dad and make me a nonna.

Alison
not the queer part of the parenting quattro.
backgrounder my ex is gay and lives with his partner they have custody of our daughter and she lives in our 'gay village' (my daughter has three dads) so I drop in here from time to time as although I am not gay my daughter's two dads are.

[mamagirl]

Gawd I am sooo sick of the girl boy toy thing. I have a son so everything I own for him is blue. I have a pink pacifier and suddenly my son "looks like a girl"
WTF?

Dr Phil, why is a truck less girly than a doll?

Too bad the kid's parents aren't excited about a boy who is a nurturing soul, huh?

[Shiloh]

I have a pink pacifier and suddenly my son "looks like a girl"
WTF?

Yes its weird my third child is a little boy and he is very 'pretty' and doll like with soft features and curly blond hair (you know how some little boys have larger features/heads etc he's not like that) he's got a real feminine energy about him a very clingy to mama and soft soul.

People even if he's wearing all boy clothing with trucks on it = people will say what a pretty girl and he is pretty when I tell them its a boy = they appologize like WTF?

Mind you sometimes it can be cultural I could never figure out why people in my old building (grad housing) would say what a handsome boy to my daughter with two earings as a baby when she was in all pink dresses with bows, but I was told later that Chinese dress baby boys in red and pink is really light red...

but man those pink boxes at toy stores really tee me off, like I go looking for nice happy house stuff for my boys...and its all pink and not pink anyone likes.
sigh.

only 90 year old women like to have everything dusty rose

[mamarhu]

What an absurd. ego-inflating thought - that I as a parent could have so much power that I could "turn" my child gay, straight, or sideways. If parents had such power, we would have figured out generations ago how to "make" only good people, smart people, or whatever.

[Sierra]

Have any of you seen the movie, "My Life In Pink" (that is the English subtitle...the movie is actually in, if I remember correctly, French)? This thread reminded me of it.

[punkrockmommy]

I am all about girls playing with trucks and boys playing with dolls, or whatever. However i brought this issue up in my psycology through the lifespan class and my professor (who is a kick a** teacher) Said that kids should play with whatever they want not just dolls or trucks but what they want to. The gender experimenting should not be forced. You should not force a boy to play with dolls. I do agree with you guys on Dr. Phil he makes me angry on so many levels! I have my DD play with trucks and legos and blocks but on the same hand she will walk around the house nursing her stuft animals. I also dress her in black clothes and blue cloths but she still has lots of pinks and purples. I think that the best way to raise a kid is to have a really good mix of everything.

[mamarhu]

As parents, we like to think we have a lot of influence in our kids' lives. But the truth is we are only one facet. I love that my Dumplings know they are free to play with gender roles. DD10 no longer does the fru-fru girly stuff, so DS9 said last night, "That's OK; I'll be Mommy's little princess". We can joke about it because they know it is safe.

I'd be perfectly happy is one or both of them is gay (just think - no teen pregnancy worries! ). Try as I might, I cannot see my kids' gender identity or choice of partners as something to worry about. Life presents many more pressing dilemmas.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by johub

If this boy still likes girly things when he gets older and lives with homophobic parents he probably will need therapy.

That's what I was thinking. I saw this show, too, and I was under the impression that this was what he meant... this and that the therapy would be for the homophobic mother. It seemed to me that he didn't go for the "So he might be gay! So what?!" tactic because it would have alienated the mother. She was so completely (and oddly) freaked. (I remember at the beginning she said, "I'm the wrong person to have a gay child. I'm incredibly homophobic." My thought was, "Well, now's the perfect time to GET OVER IT!")

[umami_mommy]

Originally Posted by mamarhu

What an absurd. ego-inflating thought - that I as a parent could have so much power that I could "turn" my child gay, straight, or sideways. If parents had such power, we would have figured out generations ago how to "make" only good people, smart people, or whatever.

[joandsarah77]

I havn't seen that particular Dr Phil show over here, I only know what I've read on here and another mesage board. But I thought the concern was because the boy was showing gender identity crisis not because he might be gay. I don't think 'Gay' was sugested because I realy don't think you can label little kids as being gay or hetro, thats a teenage/adult thing.

[Fletchersmama]

When did pink become a girls color and blue a boys? Was it in the hospital baby room, so viewers would know what sex each baby was? Who picked those colors? A woman or a man?

I don't have a clue what my son will be when he grows up. Gay, straight? Mostly he says he wants to be a garbage truck driver, a fireman, a mommy, a daddy, an ADDULT (I love the way he pronounces it). He has several purses and pair of purple sparkle slippers he requested I knit, lots of truck, dolls, loves to cook, dig, work with tools, vaccum, and nurse his own babies.

They do what they enjoy, and learn from it all. I can't imagine that for a three year old there is anything attched to those purple slippers other than his own pleasure derived from them, and I hope for my own ego the knowledge that I put lots of love into making them for him!

[julie128]

Originally Posted by Fletchersmama

When did pink become a girls color and blue a boys? Was it in the hospital baby room, so viewers would know what sex each baby was? Who picked those colors? A woman or a man?

nak boys were originally dressed in blue because blue is a "lucky" color. girls don't rate "lucky," i guess. pink was assigned to girls later because they didn't have a color so no one knew how to market to girls. i'm disappointed about the whole thing because i think that men look good in pink, but they won't wear it because they'll look "gay". whatever. remember when pink izod shirts were in?

[Ruthla]

Since when did toy selection as a preschooler affect sexual orientation? Silly me, I thought that sexual orientation was about who you're sexually attracted to. If the mother wasn't so homophobic, she wouldn't care what toys her son chose.

[mamimapster]

Originally Posted by julie128

nak boys were originally dressed in blue because blue is a "lucky" color. girls don't rate "lucky," i guess. pink was assigned to girls later because they didn't have a color so no one knew how to market to girls. i'm disappointed about the whole thing because i think that men look good in pink, but they won't wear it because they'll look "gay". whatever. remember when pink izod shirts were in?

Actually, acccording the the resident Romanticist in my house in early Victorian times baby boys were actually dressed in pink because it was considered "manly", when and how that changed I don't know.

[tash11]

Originally Posted by mamagirl

Gawd I am sooo sick of the girl boy toy thing. I have a son so everything I own for him is blue. I have a pink pacifier and suddenly my son "looks like a girl"
WTF?
....

I put my girl in a GREEN shirt and suddenly shes a boy?! I just dont get it... shes really girly looking too for a 3 month old. and since when did green become boy-only? I thought green was suppost to be nutrel.... whatever....