irked: I thought this was so inappropriate

[ediesmom]

My dd was playng at a girlfriends house. I got a call from the father asking if Edie could sleep over. I said no. Its a school night. The dad and talked for a few minutes about other stuff, he then said his daughter wanted to talk to me. I thought she was going to thank me for something I had done with a group of girls (silly me). She got on the phone and asked me why Edie couldn't sleep over! I almost fell off my chair! After I told her 'because I said no" she went on to try to persuade me! I interupted her and said' i said no!

Would you let your child do this? Its not the first time one of my dughters friends has questioned me. I find it odd that parents allow their children to question adults like that.

I need to pick Edie up in a bit, and am really thinking of mentioning this to the parents. Would you?

[kewb]

That would totally irk me. You told the father your answer and the reason. That should have been the end of it.

I probably would not mention it because I dislike confrontation and this is not a battle I would pick.

[chel]

Dad might not have known what his dd wanted to say and he might not have stayed near to listen.

[Alkenny]

This is a major pet peeve of mine. My daughter had a friend ask me once, and she knows now how much it irks me too. :

[Boobiemama]

yes, that would really irritate me. I cant stand it to have another kid ask something for someone else.....

[angelpie545]

Wow that would totally irritate me too. However, it sounds like that dad might not have known what his daughter wanted to say? Perhaps he just didn't know what to do when he heard his daughter say that ?

[sun-shine01]

Originally Posted by chel

Dad might not have known what his dd wanted to say and he might not have stayed near to listen.

:

[lilyka]

I can see my dd blurting that out but she would definitely get talked to about how rude that is. I wouldn't even ask that question to another adult. You said no and you do not have to justify that to anyone. My child certainly wouldn't have had the chance to ask you more than once before I took the phone away from her. and really, what did the dad think she was going to do.

[~member~]

I raised my children to be respected by adults and offer the same respect. I never call another parent and ask, my children always call, as it is their wants, not mine.
I really don't understand why people would be so upset.
My children's friends call all the time. If it is a yes, then I definitely talk to the parents about how to arrange drop-off/pick-up and all of that.

[candipooh]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

I really don't understand why people would be so upset.
.

From what I am seeing....upset NOT that the child would ask but that the child would ask AFTER the answer was already given.

I hate it too!!!

But ai also think that perhaps the dad didn't know what she was going to say.

[**guest**]

i haven't been in a situation like this, as my kids are too young, but i would let my children speak to the parents of their friends.

i hope my children will be polite enough not to ask excessively and repeatedly for something that they were refused, but i would frankly expect my adult friends to be respectful with my chidlren as well, even if they ask repeatedly.

maybe the father did not communicate the refusal clearly to the child; maybe he did not know what the daughter was planning to say; maybe he wanted her to negotiate for herself.

if a child 'questioned' me i would give him or her the same explanation i would give an adult, not just 'because i said so', kwim? even if it was annoying. like if i explained to my friend that i could not come over, and then her dh wanted to convince me and asked me the same questions. yes, possibly annoying. so what, they are friends, after all.

what's wrong with a child having questions and wanting to negotiate?

[~member~]

Originally Posted by candipooh

From what I am seeing....upset NOT that the child would ask but that the child would ask AFTER the answer was already given.

I hate it too!!!

But ai also think that perhaps the dad didn't know what she was going to say.

From the OP it doesn't sound like the dad had a chance to tell his dd that she said, no.

[calicokatt]

Sorry, but if I asked you WHY you said no, and all you said was 'because I said so" I'd be trying to persuade you, too. That is NOT an answer. That is not how I would want to be treated, or how I would want my children treated. I feel the urge to say some inflaming things here, so I'll stop. :

[srain]

Originally Posted by annabanana

if a child 'questioned' me i would give him or her the same explanation i would give an adult, not just 'because i said so', kwim? even if it was annoying. like if i explained to my friend that i could not come over, and then her dh wanted to convince me and asked me the same questions. yes, possibly annoying. so what, they are friends, after all.

what's wrong with a child having questions and wanting to negotiate?

I agree. I might be annoyed if I need to repeat myself, and if I really didn't feel like repeating myself, I'd say, "I already explained the reasons to your father; I can't really talk right now, so I'll let him fill you in." But I see nothing inherently rude in the situation you described.

But really, I think YOUR daughter should have been calling you rather than anyone else- I'd be more annoyed with her than with the other family!

[UnschoolnMa]

Originally Posted by ediesmom

I find it odd that parents allow their children to question adults like that.

My kids are free to question adults. I don't think being an adult grants you any special treatment.

We've raised the kids to be generally kind and polite so I can't see either one of them nagging someone who has already given an answer. I wouldn't mention it to the parents.

[RubyWild]

If my Dd asked to speak to you, her friend's mother, I'd let her do it and then if she wanted an explanation, that's only fair.

My parents allowed me to ask for reasons for things and not just blindly accept authority.

[hopeland]

I think they are just being kids...I would have said cause she isnt allowed to spend the night away on a school night. If she kept on about it then I would get annoyed.

[Dandelion Grrl]

I personally dont think that it was wrong. I also think its cool that the kiddo questions authority and I hope my dd does the same

[maya44]

If I asked anyone to do anything and they said no, I think it is rude to demand an explantion. So would say to the child what I would say to an adult in that situation "I don't owe you an explanation. Good bye"

[candipooh]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

From the OP it doesn't sound like the dad had a chance to tell his dd that she said, no.

But the girl kept at it even after she said no TO HER.

she went on to try to persuade me

I think maya44 said it right. I think it is rude. No means no and kids should respect that.

I am going through a thing with my children that they will just keep on asking no matter how many times I say no.
me: "no"
dd: "please"
me: "No hunny" (with an explanation as to why)
dd:"please"
me "I already answered, the answer in NO"
dd: "please. PLEASE"
me: "no"
dd: "I asked nice PLEASE"
me: "and I answered nice, the answer is no"
dd: "please"

anyway.......I am pretty darn sick of it so I am be posting through my feelings

I guess I need to start a topic on how to deal with this.