irked: I thought this was so inappropriate - Page 3

[Emzachsmama]

That would annoy me too.

I don't think it really matters why you said no...you said no and that should be it. If that Dad knew what his dd was doing - well that just blows my mind. I would quite upset if one of my kids did that. I probably wouldn't mention it though just because it wouldn't be worth the trouble to me.

[Kari_mom]

It would bother me to have my child's friend question me when I had already given an answer. I know this because my daughter had such a friend, who questioned every answer I gave that didn't meet her personal agenda. For about 5 years.

There are subtleties of tone and attitude that can make a big difference in how the question is asked and how I would respond. "Geez, Mrs. R, I would really like to have K spend the night" would be greeted with "I know you would honey, but she has a big day tomorrow." This to me, is not a child questioning my parental decision as much as it is a child who wants to understand and be sure I understand that it is important to them. If I were asked, "Why can't she spend the night?" with a combative edge, I would be irked and I would not feel the need to defend my parental decision. FTR, this is what I experienced with the neighbor child I mentioned above.

[Medusa]

That really won't have bothered me at all, but I REALLY disagree with the idea that children should just blindly accept what we say just because we're adults.
I WANT kids to question me! If we teach kids to stand up and bravely ask us WHY were doing this or WHY it has to be that way then we end up raising adults who can think for themselves and have the strength to question authority when it's needed, and IMO that makes for better people and better citizens. I refuse to blindly accept the word of an authority figure, so why should I expect anyone else (including children) to?

[tara]

Just doesn't seem like a big deal to me. I also am raising my child to question, and would not have been peeved by the girl asking me. I would have just repeated my answer - 'we don't have sleepovers on school nights.' I don't really understand why it's such a big deal that this girl wanted to ask herself.

[mamaley]

IMO, there's a time to question, and there's a time for being respectful...this is what I am teaching my children. In teaching your children to question, I can see encouraging them to question when someone says something that goes against their values...for example, I could see encouraging your child to question when a neighbor says something like "when someone hits you, hit them back" or "you're a girl, you should like dolls". But when it comes to someone telling you no, they don't want to partcipate in something, or that they have decided for their child that they will not participate in something, I teach my children to be respectful of their decision and to not press it.

[tara]

I don't see this as pressing. I see it as the child wanting to ask for herself and hear for herself, and I don't have a problem with that.

[jannan]

i wouldn't like a child questioning me , especially if i already told the father. the child doesn't need to know from me the reason. i already told the father.

[annarosa]

yes that would irk me too - but maybe he didn't really know what she would say or maybe he felt he didn't want to disappoint her and wouldleave that up to you - you could try making a small comment rather than confront - like ' I was kinda suprised that your dd asked me herself why he couldn't stay over " and see what he says ...........?

[WuWei]

I would certainly support our son asking for or negotiating for that which he desires. And I model that no individual has to be obeyed just because of being an adult or some authority figure. I don't want our son obeying any adult when he is uncomfortable (myself included). And I certainly believe he can seek understanding of anything which he chooses to question (including myself). Just as I do. It might be considered non-conventional but I would rather he error on the side of rude than blind obedience to authority. I have no absolute authority over anyone but myself. And I am fallible.

Pat