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My Son/Daughter

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Last June I unexpectedly came home early to find my 12 year old son, now 13, in one of my dresses and putting on my make-up. When I regained my composure, we had a long talk. Tommy came out to me saying that he was really wanted to be a girl. I have taken him for professional help with a Dr. that specializes with transgender teens. Dr. Anderson say that it is too early to say if Tommy is or is not transgendered. But so far, with 8 sessions, she hasn't seen anything to definately say that Tommy is not transgendered. She is considering starting Tommy on a hormone blocker that would prevent him from going into puberty. With this, if it is decided that she is not transgendered, then the blocker is stopped and puberty will restart.

Tommy spent much of the summer as Suzie and wants to spend all of her time now as Suzie. My big concern now is that when Suzie/Tommy has to go to school. She gets depressed having to spent time as Tommy. We may very well look at moving around Christmas and start her in a new school as Suzie this spring. Dr. Anderson said that she wouldn't recommend cross sex hormones until Suzie is at least 16.

I am a widow with one other son who is 15. I must admit that I love having Suzie around. I always thought it would be nice of have a daughter and Robert likes having a kid sister too.

Any help and advice from other mothers in this situation would be greatly appreciated.
post #2 of 10
Hi Ms Megan! I have no advice for you as I don't have any experience with transgendered teens BUT i have recently been watching a series on the Sundance channel called Transgenerations. It is a series that follows several teen/young adult transpeople. I found it very interesting and thought you and your family might as well. And kudos to you for being such a wonderful, supportive Mom to your child. BTW, are you in the SF Bay Area? I do know that there are several support groups around here that might be able to help you. Check with COLAGE and OUR FAMILY. Also I believe UCSF has info as well. Take care!
post #3 of 10
I think you're in a pretty unique situation in that your son/daughter has such a supportive family to turn to! By age 12 I knew I was attracted to women, so I do believe that often times, particularly in supportive environments, young people know exactly what's up. I don't have any advice, but a lot of support. Trans is a tough path and pften takes courage. I hope no matter what decision Tommy/Suzie makes it is one that brings joy and fulfillment in being who s/he is.

I personally think your child is old enough to decide about the hormone blockers. It's not advice, but it's input. I wish you luck and strength. You are an amazingly wonderfully stupendously incredible mother.
post #4 of 10
i don't have any advice, but i'm happy that you are so supportive!! i wish more parents were like you!!!
post #5 of 10
Originally Posted by Ms. Megan

I am a widow with one other son who is 15. I must admit that I love having Suzie around. I always thought it would be nice of have a daughter and Robert likes having a kid sister too.

Any help and advice from other mothers in this situation would be greatly appreciated.

No advice, but damn! What lucky kids you have. So many parents would consult a shrink to try and "fix" the "problem" You. Rock!
post #6 of 10
that I just have to say that my transgendered partner would have *loved* having a parent like you. Bless your heart! Maybe Pflag would have some resources for you? http://www.youth-guard.org/pflag-tnet/booklet.html
post #7 of 10
good call on the pflag, tara.
post #8 of 10
I've worked with transgendered teens as a social worker, and it really warms my heart to read your story. You're doing everything right! Seriously, what a great mom you are!!

Where I live (in Minneapolis/St. Paul) we have a lot of support groups and social groups for trans teens. Though Suzie is a little young, I have to guess that there could be something like this where you live (not sure where in CA you are though). If you PM me I would be happy to look for resources, though I'm sure Suzie's therapist is well-connected.

Again, blessings to you as you and Suzie navigate all of this.
post #9 of 10
Hi Meg,

I was on the website for Maia Midwifery- my partner and I are ttc- and I saw this info and immediately thought of you.I'm not sure where you are in CA but I was thinking that maybe they could provide addt'l support and info to you. Best of luck!!


Support Group for Parents of Gender Variant and Transgender Children
co-sponsored with Children's Hospital Oakland.

Are you raising a child who does not fit within the expected gender norms? Not just a strong girl or a sensitive boy but a child who identifies with the “opposite” gender. A child who prefers to wear the clothes of the “opposite” gender and to present as the “opposite” gender. A child who wishes or demands that you refer to them with the “opposite” pronoun?

So are we! Come meet and share your experiences with other parents. We are a support group and information group. We are doing reading on the subject , sharing with one another, addressing our own struggles with raising our children, and trying to help the world become a safer place for our children. We ultimately also hope to get our children together with one another so that they can see they are not alone.

We currently meet in Oakland.

Third Wednesday of the month
6:30-8:30pm :: free of charge

Call Stephanie Brill at 925-253-0685 for details.

MAIA Midwifery & Preconception Services :: 925-253-0685
post #10 of 10
Just wanted to offer some been-there support. My oldest foster child is transgendered. He is no longer in our home, but he had been assigned to our home in a "permanent placement," and that experience of parenting him affected my perspectives on life profoundly (I am biaffectional and in a same-sex marriage, but never before had any experience with someone who was gender variant). Along with all the other stuff above, and with your idea of changing schools-- which in my experience is worth considering-- I'd say that if your child hasn't already been hooked up with a social or support group for gender variant kids, it would be a great thing to do. I know for my dfs, it meant the world to be with other kids who were going through so much of the same stuff.


P.S. Edited to say, I don't have any experience with or knowledge about the hormones issue. As far as I could tell, with a child in foster care, that was just not even something the state would most likely have considered. Sorry I couldn't offer much from that angle.
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