I agree; great post, hu*singing*mom!
pony: I think the most important thing she says is about how you view educational interventions for your son. The people in school can really be a resource. They get to know your child, his needs, his situation, your needs; they WANT to improve his schol experience.
DD meets with a counselor weekly, which has helped her tremendously in her adjustment and self-esteem.
Another thought I had:
My friends with disabled and well children often express the well siblings' need for support. Their boys are both older--one is 9, another is 10--with older ill siblings. Both these little boys take on responsibilities, try so hard to be a help to mom and their sib, that sometimes it HAS had an impact on their own work. Has anyone suggested a sibling support group for your son? I know there is an online project (probably not relevant at his age) where sibs offer mutual support. I found some info at www.thearc.org/siblingsupport
I can check with those moms, as to what they do--one is a public school parent, the other homeschools--to get their sons this support.
Best wishes for peace with this transition, and hugs to your little girl as well. M