Lying on the water, floating in icy water, I feel searing heat pressing deeply into my skin. Eyes closed, the trees crackle their limb's surrender to gravity. Eyes open, Spanish moss clouds my view to the deep blue sky, but I drink the image in - all of it. I hear the caws and chirps and screeches of my childhood and revel in the moment of life's perfection.
I'm leaving in 2 weeks to visit this image (again) - Itchetucknee State Park outside of Gainesville, Florida. Wekiva Springs in Orlando is another similar image. I use this picture as I meditate.
I want to live in Micanopy, Florida - 18 miles from Gainesville (home of the Gators). I now live in San Diego, a place everyone says I should be thankful for. Growing up in Orlando, I miss the heat, the humidity, the bugs, the thickness of the grass in all the yards, the lightning and thunderstorms. I miss home.
I am in school working towards a Masters or Doctorate in Psychology (not sure where school will end yet) and while the motivating factors circle like spokes in a bike tire, one good one is so I am able to make enough money to buy my own home in Micanopy. I'm not planning on leaving my partner (Sarah) or anything, but I don't own anything and cannot get home unless I ask - I was going to write "permission," but it isn't really like that, but I do have to ask if we have the money to go, what style we can go in, etc. I crave my own independence. Financial, at least.
My kids are grown, I've done most of what I set out to do long ago and my health limits the rest that I dreamt of. New goals keep me alive as do my clients, writing as the voice for women around the world (I write about birthrape/birth abuse/birth trauma), and loving hanging around my grown children, anticipating grandkids someday down the road. My partner and I go through ebbs and flows - as do most relationships of 20 years.
Anyway, thanks for listening. I'm so homesick today.
So, so homesick.