Utopia

[BelovedK]

What is your utopia?? How does it fit into the mothering/ schooling of your DC??

Think of the future, where do you want to be 5 years from now?, 10 years from now?...Write about it as if it were today.

Perhaps use a different point of view, such as from a childs eyes, or an elder, or even someone long dead, looking into this world. Have fun.....

[quaz]

Ok. Wrote below on a whim tonight after being totally miffed at my situation. I haven't done much proofing. If ya find something to give feedback on, feel free to give it.

Been a bit since I wrote, but the nice thing... I can always learn new truths when I take the time to do so.

Tammy



Ideal perfection. Utopia.

I think in a way it is telling for us to imagine our highest ideal or perfection at any given moment. When we do it mirrors our soul, and reflects the here and now.

For me, ideal perfection at this time, is nothing more than a wonderful night sleep in an amazing bed. Smooth, soft, satiny sheets with an inexplicably high thread count. A pillow-top king size mattress, the kind where the mattress is firm, but where the body is caressed by the cumulous, pillowy top. A cool room where you can burrow under said sheets and downy blanket. Throw some Pachebel or Yoyoma on, and let me stay there for eight to ten hours, and that would be sheer bliss.

Utopia. Ideal perfection. Somehow the dreaming of perfection, mirrors back the imperfection in our lives. For me, that's a child that at twenty months still doesn't sleep through the night. Two years without a single night sleep, has grown old, stale, colorless and has made the ideal of sleep seem a universe away.

Maybe, though, what I need to focus on, is not that stain of colorlessness, not that Utopia is so distant. What I need to focus on and remember from this ongoing experiences is that Utopia resides in the everyday and is never far away.

.

[BelovedK]

Hi Quaz

I love your peice, it has a wonderful message (perfection mirroring back our own imperfections)...The only thing i would change is the second paragraph(minus the lead in) I would take out the "to me....at this time" and simply say "perfection is" or something more simple and succinct, otherwise, I love your peice.

I hope more people respond

[danaan]

I've been thinking about this one lately, where I will be in five years. The last time I was asked that I was way off in where I thought I'd be and where I ended up -- and yet there were some lovely connections between what I dreamed and what I created. I thought, for instance, that I would be in school to become a naturopathic physician; instead, five years later I worked for one as a massage therapist. Today I have no major changes planned like school, but I face oneof the most dynamic times of life, new motherhood.

Today I have a six week old baby sleeping in the sling on my chest; I will have a five-year-old in five years. What might happen between then and now? These first six weeks have raked me 'cross the coals... what will raising this precocious and powerful little girl teach me? Being a mother of a strong little girl has been part of my utopia for a long time.

I would like to look back and feel proud of my ability to stay home with her full time for the first year of her life, and part time after that. I keep sending out this desire to the universe, tenuosly trusting that somehow an answer will come back. A book deal? A job working from home? My mother's inheritance from her late aunt Gladdys?

I intend to have at least one book published in five years, and others stewing in various stages of development. I support also that my husband's music-making has bloomed into a powerful statement of his creative contribution to the world, in whatever way he desires that to be.

I see my garden lush and bountiful, with food and flowers to share with neighbors and friends. I see my five-year-old daughter picking peas and eating them right there in the garden, her feet clad in ladybug boots.

Otherwise, this is my utopia -- my family, my home, my writing. Beyond that I am left with questions: will I have decided to finish my master's degree? Will I want -- or even have -- another child? In five years my IUD will be taken out... what will that mark? Will we still be living in Denver, or will we have made plans to habitate elsewhere? Will the idea of our trip to Scotland when Sophie is three have come to fruition?

My utopia, in the midst of plans and musings, is to be strong in myself. To remember and live and continue to develop my core. To not lose myself to motherhood or the chaos of everyday life. I am so dangerously close to that now, living every minute of my life for this infant. I write, though, and I remember myself. That is my strength, and wherever I am in five or ten years, I believe it will continue to be so.

[danaan]

quaz - I am captured by the image "stain of colorlessness." That's an image my brain wants to play with. I appreciate the feeling, not having slept through the night for only six weeks -- your twenty weeks sounds, well, tiring! I understand from my own perspective, but am curious to know more about what that feels like, what that wash of exhaustion and feeling far from deep sleep on satin sheets might feel like. I can appreciate the utopian image of being in this bed and sleeping all the more once I read the part about sleep deprivation.

[NavelgazingMidwife]

Lying on the water, floating in icy water, I feel searing heat pressing deeply into my skin. Eyes closed, the trees crackle their limb's surrender to gravity. Eyes open, Spanish moss clouds my view to the deep blue sky, but I drink the image in - all of it. I hear the caws and chirps and screeches of my childhood and revel in the moment of life's perfection.

--------

I'm leaving in 2 weeks to visit this image (again) - Itchetucknee State Park outside of Gainesville, Florida. Wekiva Springs in Orlando is another similar image. I use this picture as I meditate.

I want to live in Micanopy, Florida - 18 miles from Gainesville (home of the Gators). I now live in San Diego, a place everyone says I should be thankful for. Growing up in Orlando, I miss the heat, the humidity, the bugs, the thickness of the grass in all the yards, the lightning and thunderstorms. I miss home.

I am in school working towards a Masters or Doctorate in Psychology (not sure where school will end yet) and while the motivating factors circle like spokes in a bike tire, one good one is so I am able to make enough money to buy my own home in Micanopy. I'm not planning on leaving my partner (Sarah) or anything, but I don't own anything and cannot get home unless I ask - I was going to write "permission," but it isn't really like that, but I do have to ask if we have the money to go, what style we can go in, etc. I crave my own independence. Financial, at least.

My kids are grown, I've done most of what I set out to do long ago and my health limits the rest that I dreamt of. New goals keep me alive as do my clients, writing as the voice for women around the world (I write about birthrape/birth abuse/birth trauma), and loving hanging around my grown children, anticipating grandkids someday down the road. My partner and I go through ebbs and flows - as do most relationships of 20 years.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I'm so homesick today.

So, so homesick.

Barb Herrera

[danaan]

Originally Posted by NavelgazingMidwife

I crave my own independence. Financial, at least.I'm so homesick today.

Barb - First, I can really relate. I live in Denver and miss my home, the Pacific NW. I miss my family and the land so much. We live here because my dh has a great job in Denver, and he has no desire to leave. I have been especially homesick lately with my new baby. My mom was here for a week, but my dad and brother have not met my girl yet. So we are at the opposite ends of the mothering flow, but I understand your homesickness and the challenge of being in partnership with one who does not share your yearning.

The phrases that stand out for me: "the trees crackle their limb's surrender to gravity," "Spanish moss clouds my view," and the idea of returning to childhood but being an adult (my own interpretation)

Thanks.

[quaz]

Originally Posted by danaan

quaz - I am captured by the image "stain of colorlessness." That's an image my brain wants to play with. I appreciate the feeling, not having slept through the night for only six weeks -- your twenty weeks sounds, well, tiring! I understand from my own perspective, but am curious to know more about what that feels like, what that wash of exhaustion and feeling far from deep sleep on satin sheets might feel like. I can appreciate the utopian image of being in this bed and sleeping all the more once I read the part about sleep deprivation.

Thanks!! That helps.
It's one thing I think this forum has helped me see... giving more details would help expand the images I'm trying to create.

Tammy

[rachelmarie]

I have never even read in this forum before today. But I came in here and got inspired to do a little writing. I used to like writing for fun when I was in high school, but had gotten away from that in college. Then along came marriage and motherhood. I thought I would take a shot at this topic. Here's what I came up with. I'd love to read any comments anyone would like to make.


barefeet. warm air. the way my stomach jumps as i swing higher and higher. naked legs. pleasant breeze. the way my toes stretch to touch the green leaves; those green leaves that are just out of my reach. gripped hands. rough rope. the way the branch above creaks from the pendulum-like motion of me.

i close my eyes. i breathe deeply the leftovers of a spring shower. raindrops on leaves and grass are all i smell for a moment.

i open my ears. i listen to the sound of a small airplane above, in the brightening sky. the drone of the engine is all i hear for a moment.

i open my eyes. i’m back. back here. away from my utopia. but it is there, and i can return anytime.

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by NavelgazingMidwife

Lying on the water, floating in icy water, I feel searing heat pressing deeply into my skin. Eyes closed, the trees crackle their limb's surrender to gravity. Eyes open, Spanish moss clouds my view to the deep blue sky, but I drink the image in - all of it. I hear the caws and chirps and screeches of my childhood and revel in the moment of life's perfection.

Barb Herrera

How beautiful in the imagery, i almost feel like i'm there.

[BelovedK]

Originally Posted by judesmama

I have never even read in this forum before today. But I came in here and got inspired to do a little writing. I used to like writing for fun when I was in high school, but had gotten away from that in college. Then along came marriage and motherhood. I thought I would take a shot at this topic. Here's what I came up with. I'd love to read any comments anyone would like to make.


barefeet. warm air. the way my stomach jumps as i swing higher and higher. naked legs. pleasant breeze. the way my toes stretch to touch the green leaves; those green leaves that are just out of my reach. gripped hands. rough rope. the way the branch above creaks from the pendulum-like motion of me.

i close my eyes. i breathe deeply the leftovers of a spring shower. raindrops on leaves and grass are all i smell for a moment.

i open my ears. i listen to the sound of a small airplane above, in the brightening sky. the drone of the engine is all i hear for a moment.

i open my eyes. i’m back. back here. away from my utopia. but it is there, and i can return anytime.

Thanks for joining us. I love your peice and think you should do more writing.

[Tinas3muskateers]

I cannot put into words where I will be in 5 years. I always have dreams, expectations and goals. I set them for a year or two years and when the time comes I am no where. I am still standing in a cold dark place fighting my way out of my misery. The only joy I see are the 3 smiles in front of me. They give me that last bit of hope. That last shimmer of possiblity.

Life always gets in my way and brings me back down. It's as if a higher power wants to give me a reality check. That I will not and cannot acheive what I set out. I was not ment to be like those people. Those people who set a goal, reach for it, work hard and achieve. I am that person who has all these walls that keep blocking my path. The big bad wolf is always standing there waiting to gobble me up and put me back 2 steps.

In 5 years what would I like to be doing? For once my marriage will be what it should. For once I am not in fear of something being shut off or taken from me. I for the first time in my life can lend someone money.For the first time I can take a check for over 100 dollars and give it to the poor. I would love to take in foster kids and give them some home.For the first time in my life I can breath. Truly take in a deep breath of air and let out a sigh that the whole world would hear. I would love to open a lodge and entertain guest. Serve them homecooked meals and keep their mugs topping with beer and the glasses with wine. I would love for my daughter to study abroad, and my son to see Egypt, Italy and other places of history. I would love for my lil rocker to start his own little kiddie band and rock out! I would love for my husband to have faith in himself, for once.. for the first time in his life. For the first time in his life feel good about him and what he has done for us.. his family. I for once want him to care about life. I want him for once to strive and not settle.

Where will I be in 5 years? Lord only knows... Will I still be striving for better? Of course, I must push on for my family or no one will.

[BelovedK]

Tina, I hope that for you as well

[Tinas3muskateers]

Thanks

[rachelmarie]

Originally Posted by BelovedK

Thanks for joining us. I love your peice and think you should do more writing.

Thank you! I definitely plan on writing whenever I have the time. This forum is a great inspiration and a great resource for topics.

[danaan]

Per my utopia and where I wish to be in LESS THAN five years -- please cross your fingers for me, or pray, or light a candle. I've submitted a query to an agent...... my last agent was not a good match and I'm looking for a better one. This feels like a big step. I would love to work with this one I've queried..... My intention for 2006 is to bet my books published!

[BelovedK]

It is already done