anyone's circ'ing friends confess/repent/inquire at them

[fromscatteredtribe]

how do you respond when someone overhearing your intactivism says something like:
if I had known....is this true...i wouldn't again....

it is much better than people defending themselves, but I am not always sure how to react to it.

and when someone REALLLY REALLY regrets it, to the point of tears, do you tell them their baby is lucky to have such a loving parent? (i do, even though I wish they had not circumcised)

[calngavinsmom]

"When you know better you do better" comes to mind This actually hasn't happened IRL for me....they all seem to want to keep the blinders on and defend themselves to the death so to speak.

Take care,
Tara

[fromscatteredtribe]

thanks! I worry, though, too, about sounding a little condescending....i try to add that there is a LOT of pressure out there and I feel so BLESSED that I "stumbled" upon good intact info when i did is there something else I can say too? to comfort them more, but make sure they don't consider circ'ing in the future?

[Quirky]

It helps that I know that my mama friends who circed are GREAT moms...and they wouldn't have circed if they'd known the truth. These are some of the best moms (and dads) I know, and they made a horrible mistake because a) the docs didn't give them the info they needed and b) circ is so dang prevalent in this country that they didn't ask the questions they needed to.

I also think there but for the grace of God go I. Had my son been born a few years earlier he too might have been cut.

[nd_deadhead]

Put the blame squarely where it belongs - on the medical community that continues to lead parents down this path. Say something like "Yes, this is true - doesn't it make you mad that your doctor never told you this before he operated on your son?"

[Shenjall]

I agree with pp.

Something also along the lines of "you did the best you could with the knowledge/info you had at the time."

My first ds is circ'd. I've told this to myself a couple of times. Now, I've learned and moved on. I've forgiven myself and my ds has forgiven me.

[eightyferrettoes]

I've heard a friend of my mom's kind of wistfully say, "They told us it HAD to be done" which is undoubtedly true. So if she's guilty of anything, it's trusting a doctor. Which I think we've all done at one time or another.

I'm in line with laying the blame on the medical community. They DO know better, and persist in not DOING better.

Although in cases like my IL's, where FIL is intact, I have to wonder why they swallowed it hook-line-and-sinker, but the deed is done now. DH is the first and last generation in this family to be circed. Too bad we get to suffer the consequences, but at least it ends right here.

[njeb]

Originally Posted by eightyferrettoes

I've heard a friend of my mom's kind of wistfully say, "They told us it HAD to be done" which is undoubtedly true. So if she's guilty of anything, it's trusting a doctor. Which I think we've all done at one time or another.

I'm in line with laying the blame on the medical community. They DO know better, and persist in not DOING better.

Although in cases like my IL's, where FIL is intact, I have to wonder why they swallowed it hook-line-and-sinker, but the deed is done now. DH is the first and last generation in this family to be circed. Too bad we get to suffer the consequences, but at least it ends right here.

Most of us in my generation circ'ed because we were overly trusting of our doctors. Also, there was no Internet back then to inform people. The circ. rate is dropping much faster since 1995, and I believe the Internet is the reason.
The only reason my 26 year old son is intact is because I had him at home with informed midwives. If I'd had the typical hospital birth back then, chances are he would have come home without his foreskin. (Sorry, ladies, he has a girlfriend...)