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How long was it...after baby?

post #1 of 54
Thread Starter 
I figured this was the best place to post this question, although it might pertain to new parents more. So how long was it before you had sex again with dh after your babies were born? Ds is 3 mo and still we haven't and it is because of disinterest on my part. I'm still a little nervous about it being painful, but really don't have any sex drive. We could find time, but I don't because I don't have any interest. Dh is being very patient, but I don't think he or that we should wait much longer. I try to show affection elsewhere in hugs, kisses, and dinners for dh, but I know our romantic relationship is lacking. What should we expect from eachother and ourselves as new parents?
post #2 of 54
I've had two csections and was ready and willing at about 4 weeks, but waited a bit longer. Dd is almost 7 weeks old and we just managed last week...I kept falling asleep

I know that it's very common for a lot of women to have a lack of interest. Have you talked to your dh about how you're feeling? Maybe a massage, a glass of wine and some cuddling would get you in the mood? I know that a lot of times I don't start off interested, but can be persuaded, if you know what I mean . Good luck, it's hard getting back into the swing of things sometimes.
post #3 of 54
It was about 6 months after both of mine. I had zero interest.
A baby in the house is a big adjustment. Especially if you are the primary care giver. It is difficult to understand just how draining an infant can be and how it changes your focus and affects every area of your life.
post #4 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa
I've had two csections and was ready and willing at about 4 weeks, but waited a bit longer. Dd is almost 7 weeks old and we just managed last week...I kept falling asleep
ROFL! That's me, too! I've had 3 vaginal births and I think I had sex for the first time at 5 weeks, then 6 or 7 weeks, and now 5 weeks. W/ my first I had a lot of bad tearing, so we should have waited longer. It was painful for about 6 mos. I had an episiotomy w/ #2, but no additional tears, and it was a little ouchy, but not bad. Just a skid mark w/ #3 and it was fine, no pain at all.

I've talked to a lot of womn who said they didn't want to be touched for at least 6 mos afterward. I think that's very common. I'm ready much sooner, but I'm good for at least a month afterwards. LOL!

Oh, and dh really needs to understand that you need a heck of a lot of foreplay while nursing. And that's non boob foreplay. DOn't touch the boobs or I will kill you. At least fo rthe first 6 mos. And lube is a must while nursing. Just FYI.
post #5 of 54
I've had all sections but with my first we waited the 6 weeks, with the second 4 weeks and with the third only 3 weeks.
post #6 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalisa

Maybe a massage, a glass of wine...
It works for me!!
I hate to admit it, but I am a major lightweight..I have a cocktail and I can finally get relaxed enough (get my mind of bills, chores, ect) to enjoy my dh!
Even though we were together 4 weeks PP, it took a LONG time to get back to normal (whatever that is?! )
post #7 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by newcastlemama
Even though we were together 4 weeks PP, it took a LONG time to get back to normal (whatever that is?! )
It's just figuring out what the new "normal" is. That's the hard part
post #8 of 54
There is a wide range of "normal" so don't pressure yourself. I had a c-sec and then a VBAC and each time we started back up again at about 2.5 - 3 months. I was pretty dry vaginally (cuz I was bfeeding) so we used lots of Astroglide gel (not the lotion, thats too messy for me) and took it slow. As time went by and I got more sleep it got better and once I weaned, I totally went back to normal both physically and desire-wise. I was pretty discouraged at first and thought our sex life was over, but hang in there it does get better
post #9 of 54
We DTD at 10 weeks. I had a 3rd degree tear, and wanted to put off sex for as long as possible. I can't say that I really wanted to have sex either, but I've found in the past that having sex actually makes me want to have sex more. The first time hurt, the second time not so much, and the third time even less. Now at 5 months pp, it's almost back to how it was before DS.
post #10 of 54
We waited 6 weeks, wish it could of been longer, but I had to give him something for all the niceness he had been doing for me and ds. It got back to normal probably around 9 or 10 months!
post #11 of 54
It still isnt "normal" and my DD is going on seven months......We DTD 4 times a month or so(typing that out makes it seem so bad!)?
but what really is "Normal" after you have a babe??
I still have little urge to DTD though, im hoping my urges will increase when im done BFing, whenever that will be!!
post #12 of 54
Bout two weeks for me.

But really, although it felt great, and I was raring to go, it would have been better if we'd avoided penetration awhile longer. I had a nice set of stitches that probably should have healed a little longer.

And it helped that DH was and is totally helpful with housework, the babe, everything. If it'd all been on me, he still might not be seeing any action.



I second the recommendation to have a glass of wine (or two ) beforehand, and just don't expect it to be exactly right the first time out of the gate. I think it's like losing your virginity all over again, except less romantic.

I also agree there's a wiiiiiiide range of "normal" in this matter.
post #13 of 54
I had an infection after the birth so we were about 3 mos. It took until af returned at 18 mos for my sex drive to come up to speed. My dh was patient and romanced me back to my old self
post #14 of 54
Ohhhh, over a year w/ #1. (Dr gave an 'extra' something there: i didn't tear but his "repair" hurt like a....) Every time we tried I'd start crying from the pain.

After #2, about 3ish weeks.
post #15 of 54
6 weeks the first time, 8 months the second.
post #16 of 54
6 months :

PPD kicked my butt...
post #17 of 54
I had a cesarean and we did it at 5 weeks. It was painful for me, so we went on a once a month schedule until it didn't hurt anymore. It took around 5 months not to be in pain.
post #18 of 54
2 weeks the first time around, and 8 weeks (I wanted to do it sooner but he said no way until I got BC ) the second time.
post #19 of 54
With my first it was about 6 months, thanks to stitches. My second I was ready to go by day 3, but dh said I had to wait a week at least With my 3rd it was about day 3 or 4. More as a curiosity thing than anything else, needed to know it all still worked down there But I am very high needs, and he usually has to hide from me to get a break
post #20 of 54
2 years since the conception of my DD

DD isn't my DH's bio kid....DD's Bio-Idiot wasn't what one would call 'stellar'

So I never had sex after she was born till I re-met my DH. 2 years dry....
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