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How long was it...after baby? - Page 2

post #21 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaChel
Ohhhh, over a year w/ #1. (Dr gave an 'extra' something there: i didn't tear but his "repair" hurt like a....) Every time we tried I'd start crying from the pain.
That sounds like the "husband's knot." :

Sorry you had to go through that.

With #1, it took longer -- I tore and had stitches, I was a first-time mom, dh was working and in school... but I can't remember how long it took. Probably 2 months.

With #2, it was a couple of weeks.

With #3, it was probably a couple of weeks too.
post #22 of 54
2 1/2 weeks but I didn't tear. I would think it takes much longer if you had stitches especially if they did a "husband stitch"

"lubricate and inebriate" as they say don't even try without lube at first and definately have that glass of wine or beer or whatever! I think one big thing is not waiting until you are "in the mood" per say. Before I had ds I used to come home from work thinking "I need to get some!" that doesn't happen all that often anymore- I think nursing does that. But I still have sex as frequently as possible because I look at it like "I know I will feel a lot better afterwards- release of tension, better connection to dp, feeling attractive and connected to that part of myself that isn't just "mama" ya know? Sometimes you just have to say "ok I may not be hot for him right now but like pp said, let's have some wine and cuddle and fool around and see where it goes. you might be surprised how quickly you get your groove back
post #23 of 54
I followed my doctor's advice and waited 6 weeks. My dh thought it was forever.....I really had no libido until later though...perhaps 2 years....
post #24 of 54
ok..what year is it ....
ok let me see....
DD is going on 16mo. we stopped in my 7th or 8 th month of pregnancy. It was to uncomfy for me.
and we still havent ...I have absolutly no desire to..and I havent exactly gotten any encouragement from SO. He works a lot I run after DD all day.
It doesnt bother me in the least .
One less thing I have to do around here .
post #25 of 54
With my first I had major stitching done and was scared so we waited 8 weeks...all for nothing! All I remember thinking duing was "omg I can hardly feel him am I ruined now????" : But we quickly got back to OUR normal within a couple of months. With #2, my dream homebirth, I felt awesome, just had a 2nd degree minor tear, healed in a day or so, I was ready within a couple weeks but time and learning to manage two kids was hard so we ended up waiting until 5 weeks. It was great from that point on.


Do your kegals.....and stop looking for normal. Normal is what you and your dh make it.
post #26 of 54
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveChild421
"lubricate and inebriate" as they say don't even try without lube at first and definately have that glass of wine or beer or whatever! I think one big thing is not waiting until you are "in the mood" per say. Before I had ds I used to come home from work thinking "I need to get some!" that doesn't happen all that often anymore- I think nursing does that. But I still have sex as frequently as possible because I look at it like "I know I will feel a lot better afterwards- release of tension, better connection to dp, feeling attractive and connected to that part of myself that isn't just "mama" ya know? Sometimes you just have to say "ok I may not be hot for him right now but like pp said, let's have some wine and cuddle and fool around and see where it goes. you might be surprised how quickly you get your groove back

Not necessarily. Hormones in general. I breastfeed longterm and found my hormones to be nearly worse....meaning I chased dh before (having the stronger drive) but now I am insatiable!
post #27 of 54
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much for making me feel "normal". Dh and I have never had it routine because of my sex drive, which I blame on my one time try with the pill. ( Never did go back to normal). I thought I was ready to give it a try, but after my checkup at 10 wks pp the tear off the episiotomy still stung. So I'm still a little nervous. Yes, wine and lube will be very necessary!
post #28 of 54
It took me 3 months after giving birth to find the time/energy to finally dtd - I only had minor tearing - was given the go ahead from my midwife at 6 weeks but I couldn't even fathom it at that point - just too busy with dd that sex was the LAST thing on my mind - it still is not a big priority - I finally had a couple glasses of wine and convinced dh to take a nice bubble bath with me and that got me interested in trying again - I think I wanted to dtd more out of curiousity rather than my sex drive - I was surprised that I felt a lot smaller down there - it was a little uncomfortable (even with lots of KY) - I assumed I would be "stretched out" or something - KWIM?
post #29 of 54
After my first, well we weren't having sex that often anyway. LOL So I really don't remember. Or sex life got really sparce after I got pregnant. That was with my first husband. I remember masterbating a lot.

My second one I was begging dh but he was afraid until a doctor's ok at 6 wks. That was some good sex. He was so affraid of hurting me that he was shaking like the first time we had sex. After the 3rd we lasted 4 weeks.

I do agree with lubercation. After I had mine kids lubercation was always an issue. It wasn't lack of desire. I would get so frustrated. I wouldn't drink beer because it was dehydrating and made lubercation issues worse. Don't drink wine.
post #30 of 54
Moving this to Birth and Beyond
post #31 of 54
First baby, 6 weeks. I really wanted to but it hurt horribly (lots of stitches) and I wish I'd waited longer.

Second baby, 2 1/2 months I think. I felt much better after that birth and I think sooner would have been fine, but I was nervous remembering the previous experience. And it's a lot harder to find time with 2 kids!
post #32 of 54
I had a 3rd degree tear with DS#1. So it was a good 6 months before we attempted sex. But, we were also co-sleeping and living in my parents house. There wasn't really a private place for us to go.

It was a good couple of months before sex stopped hurting, due to the lacerations.

I guess I shouldn't be ashamed to admit it, but wine played a big part in my ability to have sex. I really had a lot of perineal/vaginal discomfort and pain. The alcohol helped distract me from anxiety over the pain.

3 1/2 weeks PP right now, and I'm definitely waiting until AT LEAST 6 weeks.
post #33 of 54
8 days post c-section My dh had come in on emergency from Iraq and I hadn't seen him since January.

M.
post #34 of 54
I think we waited 8 weeks with both. After #1 was born I wanted to at 2 weeks pp because my hormones were going nuts and I was so in love with my husband but we decided to wait because I was still super sore.
post #35 of 54
Thanks for the tip about the wine ... I must give that a try.

DS is 16 weeks old now, we have had two attempts at DTD, first attempt was at 12 weeks PP and can't remember the second.

We have only tried twice because I feel guilty ... I have noooooooooooo interest in DTD at all!

Both attempts were not successful due to intense pain (2nd degree tearing, epi and major stitches). The pain I felt was far worse than losing my virginity

DH is trying real hard to be patient but he's really getting antsy.

He has actually backed off since I have told him that things are still not 100% down there. When he said to me "But its been months" I had to tell him what was still tender ... TMI so I won't go into it

So I think that I will try and be a good wife and give it another try this weekend but this time I will include wine ...
post #36 of 54
After Griff, I had healing issues that took nearly 3 mos to heal. So he was about 3 mos old when we DTD. Hurt like hell.

After Reese, I had more healing issues but not as bad. I got the go-ahead for sex at 6 weeks. But due to time/energy/desire never coinciding, Reese was 3 mos old before we tried it (and no pain, yay!). We haven't done it again...we just never seem to have time/energy/desire all at the same time!
post #37 of 54
I think we first tried at about 8-10 weeks. It hurt terribly, but I'd had an episiotomy (grrr). I also had a very disapponting induction/birth and bad PPD. It took me at least a year to get to feeling like normal again. Since then my hormones (and desire) have seemed to come in waves. Some months are "better" than others.
post #38 of 54
3 months with dd1 but I was not healed enough to do it more than once or twice until about 6 mos pospartum. With dd2 I still have zero or very little drive or interest, almost 2 years later. Sad, huh? I think we started up again at around 3 mos and it didn't hurt like with dd1 b/c I was in better shape after the birth of dd2.
post #39 of 54
A week, each time.

Mine were born at home; no stitches, no worries.
post #40 of 54
We had to wait until the stupid stitches were taken out - I can't remember exactly how long it was. They were supposed to dissolve, but they didn't, and I was healed already, so I just had them manually removed. It was really hard to wait - I wanted to jump dh within an hour of dd's birth (wouldn't have been physically able to, but still).
I do have to say that it felt really wierd, though, because I was still so stretched.
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