Having a hard time with weaning young toddler threads

[Treasuremapper]

I know this comes up from time to time. Does anyone else feel a pang of grief and the urge to talk mamas out of weaning when they want to wean young toddlers, kids who are just one or two years old? Is it just me who has a hard time keeping my mouth shut and offering unsolicted advice about why they should not wean?

[alegna]

Well, I do offer advice and tell them they shouldn't wean.... so yeah, I feel ya.

drives me nuts.

-Angela

[DreamsInDigital]

I totally know what you mean. My DS self-weaned at 21 months and I cried and mourned the loss of our nursing relationship SO much. I can't imagine someone wanting to make their child wean so young.

[bobandjess99]

I feel you guys too......the subject feels, well, I guess "inapropriate" is the best word...here at MDC...just like you would not come here to discuss your "patient choice elective C/S" or how eagerly you're looking froward to circ'ing your child, or how CIO is so wonderful.....you know what I mean?
What I think really bugs me is that, from the threads I've seen and the simple fact they are here at MDC, that these women KNOW better. I love the quote "when you know better, you do better", so it really kills me when women who KNOW better choose not to do better.....

[Treasuremapper]

I remember being pressured heavily to wean when my older dd was just thirteen months old. Basically, my reproductive endocrinologist told me that she would not prescribe natural progesterone for me to support my pregnancy unless I weaned my older dd immediately. She said it was not fair to the unborn baby and that my older dd would be harmed by the progesterone "in the milk." WTF?

The sadness and pain I felt about it were indescribable. I tried to wean her, but I couldn't, and just lied to the RE to get the drugs, then worried that my breastmilk was poisoning her. Of course, it turned out that it was fine to nurse while pregnant and that it was fine to take natural progesterone while pregnant. But just during those brief few days, it was so obvious to me that my older dd was not nearly ready to wean.

So I just imagine how sad it is to go through something like that, something that is just heartbreaking.

[ShadowMom]

It does make me sad for the children (especially at the very young toddler stage, like less than 2 years old, I mean I know how my DS would react if I tried to wean him!).

But, it also makes me feel really bad for the mommas. I know what it feels like to be the ONLY thing your child wants, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It can be so demanding and draining. Sometimes your boobs feel like they're being gnawed off.

I wish I could help these mamas somehow. I wish nursing a friend's baby was more socially acceptable, like the Ache women do.

So, I feel bad for everyone in the situation.

And, to be honest, I don't know why anyone would want to wean at this age - the quiet time of nursing DS is the only thing that keeps me sane some days!!!!

[ceilydhmama]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

I feel you guys too......the subject feels, well, I guess "inapropriate" is the best word...here at MDC...just like you would not come here to discuss your "patient choice elective C/S" or how eagerly you're looking froward to circ'ing your child, or how CIO is so wonderful.....you know what I mean?
What I think really bugs me is that, from the threads I've seen and the simple fact they are here at MDC, that these women KNOW better. I love the quote "when you know better, you do better", so it really kills me when women who KNOW better choose not to do better.....

:

[Treasuremapper]

:

Thanks for summing it up so well. I would like to have a place where I can go and not have to see threads about cio and early weaning.

[Peony]

Yep, bothers me. DD is 2.75 years and I consider her a younger nursling still. I guess everyone has different perceptions, but can't say I like it.

[alegna]

I wonder if we can approach the mods and ask that it be made un-cool to discuss weaning before the WHO reccommended 2 years? It's not okay to advocate CIO, why not this too....

musing...

thoughts?

-Angela

[Ruthla]

I wouldn't assume that just because they post on MDC they "know better." Even a high post count can be misleading- somebody could have spent tons of time on the Diapering forums and this could be their very first post anywhere else on MDC. I usually respond to messages like that very carefully- I'd hate for a woman to feel "attacked" on MDC because she wants to wean her toddler. Some women here simply "aren't there yet" in their journey towards crunchiness. We're not going to inspire anybody by making them feel attacked!

IMO, saying "your baby is much too young to wean" is innapropriate, but saying "You don't HAVE to wean just because your baby is 13mo, why don't you share your reasons for wanting to wean and we'll help you find ways to meet your needs." I usually encourage them to set some limits on nursing and re-evaluate everything in a little while.

[DreamsInDigital]

Good point, Ruth. I'm such an emotional wreck these days that I can't be rational, and therefore I just stay out of it. It still makes me sad and the really early ones make me all weepy. I miss nursing my DS so badly, I just can't get past my emotional knee-jerk reaction.

[Treasuremapper]

Originally Posted by alegna

I wonder if we can approach the mods and ask that it be made un-cool to discuss weaning before the WHO reccommended 2 years? It's not okay to advocate CIO, why not this too....

musing...

thoughts?

-Angela

I have to admit that I like this idea. But I also see the opportunity to be sort of like that LLL book about weaning happening. I have mixed feelings, kwim?

[TiredX2]

When someone is insistent that they can and will wean their young toddler I always want to throw up a link like this:

http://bbs.babycenter.com/bbs/

and be done with it.

Honestly, it is each woman's individual choice. But considering the vast amount of information and support out there for weaning young toddler, I don't understand why it needs to be *here.* I truly do understand that not everyone is up for it for 4-5-6+ years, but esp for those who are going cold turkey--- *please* just do your own internet search.

[Treasuremapper]

I know what you mean. I could think about it being Ok in certain really dramatic situations, ie, an AP mom needs chemo or something like that where she really has to wean. That does happen, and if that happened, then I would want that mom to be able to come to other ap families who really understand what she is going through.

But the usual reasons seem like excuses to me, and the true reasons are unknown. I just really don't get it, and it makes me feel terribly sad.

[Ruthla]

My feeling is this: if they're going to wean young, why should we also turn them off to all other aspects of AP and NFL? If they feel that MDC is warm and welcoming, they might stay and learn. If they feel "attacked" then they'll go away and grumble about "those crazy hippies."

If weaning is too emotionally sensitive a topic for you right now, then your best bet is to simply avoid those threads. Heck, I avoided all breastfeeding-related boards for years after my DDs weaned, until I got pg again.

[MsMoMpls]

I honestly can't decide if I am really up for child-led weaning. He's 20 months and I am proud of working and nursing a toddler. I am not looking for weaning advice but I honestly can't promise I can go the distance although I know child led weaning is the best. I will say that reading this thread has made me feel distant from you, unsupported and judged... even for considering weaning. As for the Babycenter link, I am offended that considering weaning at two somehow makes me "mainstream" and therefore wrong. Nothing said here would ever make me think twice about weaning. If child led weaning is the "right" answer, it makes everyone else wrong.

I never know if I can even post in this forum as I can't swear to child led weaning but after reading and feeling so alienated... I just couldn't move on without comment.

[doctorjen]

Originally Posted by KristiMetz

It does make me sad for the children (especially at the very young toddler stage, like less than 2 years old, I mean I know how my DS would react if I tried to wean him!).

But, it also makes me feel really bad for the mommas. I know what it feels like to be the ONLY thing your child wants, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It can be so demanding and draining. Sometimes your boobs feel like they're being gnawed off.

I wish I could help these mamas somehow. I wish nursing a friend's baby was more socially acceptable, like the Ache women do.

So, I feel bad for everyone in the situation.

And, to be honest, I don't know why anyone would want to wean at this age - the quiet time of nursing DS is the only thing that keeps me sane some days!!!!

This is more how I feel. I can't personally imagine weaning my dd, who is 29 mos now, but hearing about other moms who wean or want to wean makes me feel more sad for them they irritated. I wish everyone had the easy nursing relationship my dd and I have, where I really don't have any complaints or issues, just enjoy nursing her. I get enough sleep, she has mostly lovely nursing manners, and she is enjoyable to snuggle with and so loves her nursies and loves teling me how much she loves to nurse. What's not to like?
On the other hand, I have cared for enough women who have had so many problems, or who have babies whose needs are so great that they are so worn out, that I know it isn't as easy for everybody. Heck, it didn't work out so well for me the first 3 times, and due to one reason or another my other 3 were weaned before age 2.
So while I wish CLW were the norm for everyone, hearing about weaning doens't make me feel bad, other than some sadness for the mom and baby and a wish that it could be different for them, that every mama could have the support and help she needs in life to meet her child's needs without making herself crazy.

[lerlerler]

It's OK that you are sad to hear mamas talk about early weaning. But I think it STINKS to judge them without knowing their stories... just lumping them into the "stupid mainstreamers" bucket.

FWIW, I am still happily nursing my DD at 14 months about a dozen times a day.. but I may not be able to continue.

And some day I may have to ask for advice and it burns my butt to think that someone here will expect me to explain my reason and only help me if they approve of my reason.

do you have to assuime that i am an idiot in need of a lecture, instead of an informed member of this community in need of support?

while i agree that a gentle nudge may be in order for a woman that says she needs to wean "because they shouldn't nurse once they have teeth".. i shudder to think that folks here would only help if they approve of the reason....

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by KristiMetz

It does make me sad for the children (especially at the very young toddler stage, like less than 2 years old, I mean I know how my DS would react if I tried to wean him!).

But, it also makes me feel really bad for the mommas. I know what it feels like to be the ONLY thing your child wants, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It can be so demanding and draining. Sometimes your boobs feel like they're being gnawed off.

I wish I could help these mamas somehow. I wish nursing a friend's baby was more socially acceptable, like the Ache women do.

So, I feel bad for everyone in the situation.

And, to be honest, I don't know why anyone would want to wean at this age - the quiet time of nursing DS is the only thing that keeps me sane some days!!!!

I wanted to second this...I see a lot of the posts that are talking about early weaning, to actually be cries for help from the mom....generally, she is at the end of her rope, has several types of stress in her life, and the nursing is just one of many frustrations...Hey, we've all been there, right?...so I agree we should be supportive, and try to be kind and helpful, and help the mom work through her situation, while suggesting/reinforcing that complete weaning might not be the best answer......although setting limits and/or changing the nursing relationship might be in order......I did not mean to come off as harsh in my original post......certainly, i think that most moms who post these types of posts need support and encouragement, not to wean, but with other areas, you know? Our society is SSSSOOO bad at supporting moms in general, especially BF'ing women, especially after the first year, so it is important I think to remember that for some of us, the women here at MDC are all we've got.....

But I do have to add that sometimes, I think moms are looking for "permission" to wean...and I simply will not give that. Except in rare cases of extreme medical or situational events, I simply will not tell a mom it is "okay" to wean before at least 2 years old......because I do not believe it is okay. I saw a sig quote here, and I know i am messing it up, but it was something like "women who CAN'T breastfeed should not feel ashamed, but those who WON'T breastfeed should, and you should be honest enough with yourself to know the difference." That about sums up how i feel.....