or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › Including kids in your normal life
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Including kids in your normal life

post #1 of 105
Thread Starter 
It seems very natural to me to include DS in my normal daily activities. I've gotten some bad looks and some flak for including DS in such normal daily activities. A lot of people seem to think that kids should be, I don't know, 'put somewhere' so adults can just live their lives without inconvenience. And I am honestly offended by people even THINKING that I should leave my son with some babysitter just so I can write a check faster or whatever. It takes a village... I will raise my son to be a productive and active member of society. I don't want him to think that it is his place to just sit quietly cooped up somewhere because he isn't important. I don't think his toddler mind should be occupied with just toys alone. My parents failed miserably at teaching me how to 'live'. Like kids are so inconvenient and unimportant it's better to not have them with you at any given moment. Then when they turn 18 just kick 'em out the door. I think the point of childhood is to learn to be an adult. He needs to see adults in action and know how people interact and the practical side of survival in modern America.
post #2 of 105
There are very few places I would not take a child. Children should be included in society. They are part of it. I get frustrated with people who treat children as inconveniences or status symbols.
post #3 of 105
Emily, you are exactly right.

~Nay
post #4 of 105
I agree, I always get people acting like I'm some super mom for ataking 2 kids to the grocery store...ummm...this is part of my life, I'm not going to pay some babysitter just so I can do it a little faster...besides, the trip is so much more fun when I have someone to talk to. (I actually start talking to myself if I go without my boys! )
post #5 of 105
yes, yes, yes, yes and :

I love bring Little H out and about with me - and more importantly she really loves it. She loves to see what people are doing, how different things are done. I find I have become more focused on what really needs to be done when I know I will be doing errands with her. Plus no matter how the day may head down hill I tend to stay in a better mood because she will do something funny to make me laugh.
post #6 of 105
I got this just this morning at the post office. God forbid I had to fill out a custom form also...you would not have believed the dirty looks I got. I turned to one woman and said I wish they had a drive threw!
post #7 of 105
Very much agree. But it is hard sometimes to deal with the negative looks. There are some things that I would keep kid-free, but for the kid's sake as much as the adults (e.g. subjecting them to an attempt at a long, sit-down dinner at a nice restaurant). However, I whole-heartedly agree that kids should get to be part of all the usual activities of daily life. I wish more things (like banks) were set up for that or at least expecting it as normal.
post #8 of 105
I totally agree with you ladies. Involving your kids in everyday activities not only ensures you more time with them but they learn so much when they are out and about. Also, if I had to pay for a babysitter/wait for my dh to get home to run errands and grocery shop I would be crunched for time and money. Besides dd loves the hustle and bustle of the outside world and if people don't like it so what - it's a free word and dd is entitled to explore it with me!
post #9 of 105
wow, that really stinks!!! in my town, kids are part of every daily activity- you can't go to the post office, supermarket, dry cleaners, etc. without seeing kids. i never even thought about it until your post. sooooo sorry!!
post #10 of 105
Well yes, to a point... While I believe that children can and should be included in trips to the grocery store or whatever, I don't think they are necessarily a good part of an expensive meal out or an adult-directed movie or the opera. At least, not until they are old enough to sit still and quiet for such an event and appreciate it for what it is. My husband and I had a very rare "date" the other night which was spoiled by a toddler throwing pasta all over my silk jacket (you know, the one piece of clothing I never wear anymore because I have toddlers at home...) at dinner -- at 9 PM! I don't blame the poor kid who was completely miserable, but I was pretty miffed at the parents for having the child in a non-child friendly restaurant at a non-child friendly time and not taking any steps to keep the child entertained and happy.

I also think that this is a matter of personal choice and depends partly on the temperament of the both kids and parents. If the parent in question is going to drag a screaming child through the grocery store, puncutated with spanking to quiet said child, then I think everyone would be better off if the child was at home with a sitter, daddy or whatever. If the child will not stay close enough to parents to be safe, then its probably better to leave the child at home during outings.

Nor do I think that businesses should necessarily be expected to change their business practices to accomodate children if they aren't "family oriented" to begin with. By all means take your child to the bank, but don't expect the bank to change its set up to keep your child safe. Of course, a bank might chose to become child welcoming as a way to be competitive, but it shouldn't be compelled to do so. Parents who chose to take children "everywhere" should be responsible for that child's safety, comfort, and well-being at all times, not expect others to do so. Not saying that the OP or others do this, but I certainly see plenty of people who seem to expect the world to change for their children.

IMHO, this is definitely one of those "to each her own / do what works for your family" areas.
post #11 of 105
Quote:
And I am honestly offended by people even THINKING that I should leave my son with some babysitter just so I can write a check faster or whatever.
I agree. As a culture, separating from young children has become expected to a large degree. We've lost "tolerance" (I don't like using that word) for having children around.

I homeschool, so my kids are with me nearly 24/7. I don't get as many looks now as I did when they were younger.
post #12 of 105
Thread Starter 
Quote:
I agree. As a culture, separating from young children has become expected to a large degree. We've lost "tolerance" (I don't like using that word) for having children around.
I agree too. Babies and toddlers are to be loved.
post #13 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom
Well yes, to a point... While I believe that children can and should be included in trips to the grocery store or whatever, I don't think they are necessarily a good part of an expensive meal out or an adult-directed movie or the opera.

I also think that this is a matter of personal choice and depends partly on the temperament of the both kids and parents. If the parent in question is going to drag a screaming child through the grocery store, puncutated with spanking to quiet said child, then I think everyone would be better off if the child was at home with a sitter, daddy or whatever. If the child will not stay close enough to parents to be safe, then its probably better to leave the child at home during outings.

Nor do I think that businesses should necessarily be expected to change their business practices to accomodate children if they aren't "family oriented" to begin with. By all means take your child to the bank, but don't expect the bank to change its set up to keep your child safe. Of course, a bank might chose to become child welcoming as a way to be competitive, but it shouldn't be compelled to do so. Parents who chose to take children "everywhere" should be responsible for that child's safety, comfort, and well-being at all times, not expect others to do so. Not saying that the OP or others do this, but I certainly see plenty of people who seem to expect the world to change for their children.

IMHO, this is definitely one of those "to each her own / do what works for your family" areas.
: Very well said. Thank you.
I do not have money for babysitters, but i do have other parents and non-parents that I trade time/childcare with. My kids are not sitting at home, but are at the park, at a festival/community event, having a lot more fun than a trip to the grocery store or bank.
My childless friend loves taking them to places like the Zoo, Children's Museum, Science Museum, all places I cannot afford and even if I did, I would go CRAZY1 In return, I house sit, help her with her college homework, clean her house when she is having family or friends visit(I am one of those claen freaks, like taking Q-tips to the corners and all that ), etc.
post #14 of 105
Many of my relatives think it's weird that we don't regularly leave dd with a sitter. dh's cousins leave their 2 year olds at least once a week to go out, and sil/bil leave their 5 months old (and have since she was pretty little) quite regularly, too. I don't feel right leaving dd when she's this little, so we just take her with us and we've decided to hold off on going to adult only events until she's older. dh and I like being with our little girl!!

Sheri
Reese (12-22-04)
post #15 of 105
If my children are up to it, I take them everywhere. Not all childen are up to all things. I see people yelling at tired children, or ignoring crying little ones in shopping carts. I think the way some people drag some kids around does show a disrepect for the child's needs, however.

I esp hate to see little ones being castigated for being overwhelmed by overwhelming situations. Huge crowded and noisy shopping malls, for one thing. Not all kids can deal with that. Not all kids can deal with strangers in public, either. I feel bad for children in crowded restaurants that take forever to serve food where their parents expect them to 'behave'. For another, long waits in places like the DMV. That said, some people have no choice and must take children along. I don't mind helping to entertain the bored. I will often invite a bored child over to hear a book I'm reading my own child-- this has been true at the DMV, the dentist and the pedi. I don't like it when i see people treating their tired children poorly.

We all lose it sometimes, but I notice many people have wrong expectations of small children--insisting that they sit still or be quiet (often times i think the paretn is creating more of a fuss controlling than the child is being a child). Lots of folks don't bother to bring food or other items along to keep kids occupied. I hate to see people hitting or grabbing children rather than offer to read a book to them, or play a little game etc. That's why I *never* judge any mom in a public place with a kid chowing down a bag of fries or sitting in grocery cart with an opened box of something. Maybe it's that or a meltdown. Never think bad thoughts about the mother of a child eating Lucjy Charms in public.
post #16 of 105
It's funny that you should make a post like this on a day that I had to bring my daughter to work with me, due to a combination of urgent work needs and a babysitter mishap. She spent a couple of hours sitting on a blanket on the floor next to my chair, playing with toys and flirting with my research assistant. Now she's in the sling napping. It's not optimal for either her or me, but today it's what had to happen. Fortunately, everyone around me here is baby-flexible.
post #17 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by mpeel
There are very few places I would not take a child. Children should be included in society. They are part of it. I get frustrated with people who treat children as inconveniences or status symbols.
I agree. With some caveats. I think it is rude and inconsiderate to take children to appointments where you will be occupied and someone else will need to "watch" the child for you in order for you to participate in/conclude the appointment-- or where it will otherwise interfere with the appointment, cause delay in the persons schedule, etc. The type of thing that comes to mind is - dentist appointment, eye doctor, accountant, tax, etc.

Another scenario is I disagree with taking children to adult movies or nice restaurants -- in the late evening no less. In these scenarios it can be (often is) disruptive to those trying to watch the movie, eat the expensive meal (for us - usually some sort of celebration - anniversary maybe?), -- AND, not appropriate for the kid to be up soo late? watching something totallly inappropriate for the age? scary maybe? sexually explicit? suffering through a late evening meal of expensive food they probably don't even like? asking them to "sit still", etc? I'm all for taking kids to restaurants - not saying that - just a familly friendly place and at an appropriate time.
post #18 of 105

guess my family should stay in then ROFL

we are all night owls and stay up pretty late. We have a different schedule than most and you might see us at at applebees some night at 11 pm on a weekday..
movies I wouldn't take my kids to period. i don't do theatres anymore and they don't need to be there anyway ( personal preference)
However we have had many moons ago ( my oldest is 18 and youngest is 7)
our 3 yr old in nice Japanese resteraunt where he tried sushi
Dd was in places like Red Lobster at two ( before family cut off)
Now would I take the duo to cafe matthew if I ever went NO WAY


Not everyone can reschedule dr appts that have been several times due to lack of sitters.

I am like the pp poster and don't mind entertaining the bored
I keep a ton of stuff in my bag for mine and usually have enough to share.
Dry erase markers and boards, map pencils, coloring sheets, card games etc..
post #19 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenOfThePride
I
faster or whatever. It takes a village... I will raise my son to be a productive and active member of society. I don't want him to think that it is his place to just sit quietly cooped up somewhere because he isn't important.

Which is fine, if the village loves your kid.

"Cooped up'. Like when my sister and I trade taking care of our kids and they have fun, so the other doesn't have to subject the children to boring shit?
post #20 of 105
Thread Starter 
Sometimes the parents realize that it will be hard to have a child present for certain situations, but have no other options. I guess I'm calling for a little understanding when children are difficult in public. Everyone on this thread probably already understands that. I think it is the non-parents in society that are so intolerant, and unfortunately this thread won't be reaching any of them! It does seem to be the default setting that children are not often welcome to participate in much. I feel that children have just as much of a right to participate in society as adults do (as determined by maturity and ability). And that children ought to be encouraged to get involved in conversations and such. That's a good way to keep them occupied instead of yelling at them.

When I interned at a vet clinic this summer, I loved sharing what I was doing with kids. Like if a kid (and parents) came in with their pet, I explained what was going on in kid language. If I found ear mites from their pet, I invited the kids to come in back to see them crawling around in the microscope. On the farms, I explained to the farm kids about what the vet was doing. I showed them where to press their hand against the side of the cow to feel the calf inside. I explained how we need to get the fluids out of the lungs of newborn calves, etc. I loved it!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Gentle Discipline
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Childhood and Beyond › Gentle Discipline › Including kids in your normal life