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My son peed his pants at school today because of his teacher! **UPDATE Post #107 - Page 3

post #41 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy
That raises another question--did they make my son walk back to class to get his coat/lunch box/bookbag? I sure as hell hope not, but I'll ask him tomorrow.

My son has NEVER had a potty accident while he was awake since he was 2. Not once until now.

Kelly

Awwwwww, your poor little guy! This just breaks my heart for him and gets me seriously pissed off at "Ms C".

I'm hoping you'll get this squared away, but if there should ever be a next time, tell him to pee on her feet and say "I told you I had to go really bad."

Grrrr.....
post #42 of 112
I would not be overly hard on the teacher,yet…….. She let him go but the door situation was the problem. If she had said tuff or wait until we go in then I could see their being a problem with her.

It is the door situation you need to be aggravated with NOT THE TEACHER. The door situation could be completely out of her control. So do talk to her or write a letter not accusing her of being a horrible person. Please realize often times the play ground doesn’t have enough supervision and that can be out of the teachers control. She saw that he had to pee. She sent the TA, that doesn’t mean she knew he peed but he had obviously had to go and it was taking to long.

Also, your son had to pee (obviously) his long knocking could not have been that long or that loud.
post #43 of 112
I don't fully get the safety reasons for having the door locked in the first place (but clearly I might be missing something). Where is the door? Isn't it on the same side of the building as the play area? Could an adult just saunter around the play area where there are teachers supervising and sneak into the building? Wouldn't they quickly notice a strange adult (i.e. someone who doesn't work there), so that they could go and ask that person what s/he is doing there? Does the play area have a fence? If they are worried about the possibility of a strange adult who makes it to the door and goes in the building, how is it that they think they can prevent a strange adult from taking a child from the play area?
post #44 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom
I would not be overly hard on the teacher,yet…….. She let him go but the door situation was the problem. If she had said tuff or wait until we go in then I could see their being a problem with her.

It is the door situation you need to be aggravated with NOT THE TEACHER. The door situation could be completely out of her control. So do talk to her or write a letter not accusing her of being a horrible person. Please realize often times the play ground doesn’t have enough supervision and that can be out of the teachers control. She saw that he had to pee. She sent the TA, that doesn’t mean she knew he peed but he had obviously had to go and it was taking to long.

Also, your son had to pee (obviously) his long knocking could not have been that long or that loud.
What do you mean by this?

Also-to clarify, she did know he peed because she sent the TA when he yelled to her "Ms. C I peed in my pants a little by mistake". And when a child comes up to you to tell you he REALLY has to pee and is having trouble gaining access to the toilet, you help him. I've worked with kids 2-16, and I know this. If an adult was telling me this, I would have sent the TA asap, not told him/her to go knock some more and hope someone walked by.

kelly

ETA: DAL- The area is fenced, but not nearly fully enclosed. people aren't always outside or watching the door, and I like it being locked during school hours, if not for situations like this. The door faces the playground and street/parking area and opens to access a hallway.
post #45 of 112
1. I missed that part about the kid telling the teacher he peed.

2. I suffer from incontinence. So when I have to pee I have to pee. I know that when I have to go sometimes things seem to go sssssssssllllllllloooooowwwwww. You add that with a 6 year olds usual inability to judge time "A long time is not always a long time."

3. No adults don't respond to other adults need to pee all that fast either. I was at a urogynocologist and the bathroom was locked and empty. It took them forever to unlock the door. Why, They deal with bladder control problems? They just didn’t see it as that important.

Cookie, I would love you if you were at all the bathroom doors to get me in fast. LOL.
post #46 of 112
Thread Starter 
Well, either way, it's a big metal door, so it'd be hard to hear him period. Plus again, there may well have been no one to hear him, as it opens into a hallway.

Whenever someone tells me they have to pee NOW, I listen. (same with poop, vomit, sneeze, whatever) Can you imagine if the people in your dr's office told you "Just go jiggle the handle" after you made it clear to them that you had to pee badly? I personally would have followed you to the room and tried to help you get in, or escorted you to the staff bathroom. And that's with an adult.

I know that the door policy sucks, and I know she's not a horrible person (well, I don't think she is anyway) but IMO the teacher should have offered more assistance in some way before he peed himself. She also should have offered some emotional support and an apology--even an "I'm sorry--I didn't know you had to go that bad! Everyone has an accident sometimes, it's okay" or "I'm sorry, I thought someone would have opened the door for you. You know this isn't your fault right? Nothing to be embarassed about".

I am also angry with the way he was treated in the nurses office. You can bet your butt if an adult had the same problem s/he would not have been left to sit on a cold chair in their piss pants in plain air for everyone to see. And there were plenty of other kids in the nurses office. The smell was enough to assure everyone there that my son had not spilled juice on himself. :

kelly
post #47 of 112
There should be better plans in place. Kids have to pee. Kids get hurt on playgrounds. There should either be some kind of doorbell- or teacher should have a key to enter- etc. If the door is locked for safety reasons- yet the rule of thumb is to have anyone passing by open the door.... who are we protecting?
This is an important issue on many fronts and should be handled by SOMEONE at this school.( and many others I assume)
post #48 of 112
Aww, poor guy! I would write a letter too. Probably to the principal as well because they need to figure out some better bathroom arrangements. If the door is going to be locked and kids may or may not need to get in, they need to have someone there to open it, be it with a key or someone waiting on the inside. That is a joke!

That is so embarrassing. I did that in 2nd grade. You had to wait for a pass to go pee so only one kid could go at a time and then my mom put me in stupid overalls that I couldnt get off fast enough and I peed all over then had to walk back to the class crying to open the door and get the teacher. My dad came to pick me up and I remember him telling off the office ladies for just letting me sit there in my pee pants waiting for him with no cover or anything. LOL I also never had to wear those stupid pink overalls again. LOL
post #49 of 112
it is barbaric to have to ASK at all to go to the bathroom. Absolutely ridiculous
Emilie
post #50 of 112
I would be furious.

I hope you can get the school to change their policy/routine.
post #51 of 112
Thread Starter 
Well, I just wrote a note saying basically "I would like very much to meet with you regarding the incident with my son yesterday. Please call me at your earliest convenience" I'll keep you all posted.

I think the doorbell or key thing is a good idea. This policy makes no sense to me.

I also plan on speaking with someone regarding the way he was treated at the nurses office.

Kelly

PS-Emilie, I agree. That's one issue he had trouble wrapping his brain around when I told him that he'd have to ask permission to urinate when he went into public school.
post #52 of 112
My elementary school was also locked from the outside during recess. I think the teachers had keys. We were not allowed to use the bathroom during recess unless we were sick. And yes, there were accidents. I think that the real reason they lock the door is not so much for "safety" but to keep the recessing kids from sneaking back into the building. Not that I think that is a good reason! But I am pretty sure they were not worried about strangers coming in. I would be livid! And I probably would have made a very bad scene with the nurse that would not be productive at all. Hope you get some answers.
post #53 of 112
Oh that poor baby. Definately contact the administration and the teacher, so she won't feel blind sided. Most likely this is their policy regarding the teacher staying in place and having the door locked. Maybe suggest that one of the ta's stand by the door during recess to let chldren in and out if necessary. That way they won't be able to say that you are just a complaining mom, but they can see that you are offering suggestions to avoid the issue for your son and other children in the future.

Send a package of clothes into the nurse with a little note saying that your son's experience was very embarrasing and you want to make sure that he will never be left in such a condition again. This will express your concern for what your son went through, and give them another way to handle such an accident. Maybe even express that if another child has such an accident they are freee to borrow and return your sons clothes, so they aren't left in such an embarrassing situation. This also gives them an idea of what to do, while expressing your concern for their current way of handling things.
post #54 of 112
Oh mama that is HORRID!

I totally am with you on it. You handled it very well.

I currently am fed up with my dd's (also 6 soon) teacher and her ridiculous anal BS she make sthe kids do...I am awaiting report card meeting in December and she is going to hear me out big time.

Anyhow, put your upset in writing. For her and principal. Make sure they know how you feel and most importantly how you will believe and advocate for your Ds no matter what.

I get so livid when I hear of these damn teachers' policies that disrespect our children's needs and bodies........I have had a few instances with my dd and basically they know I am very pissed and not happy and expect a hell of alot more from them or else.........


UGH!
post #55 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookieMonsterMommy
That's the thing! They're supposed to bang on the door till someone happens by and lets them in! : Illogical!
That is terrible. I am so sorry for Devante's discomfort and embarressment- and it was completely unnesasary!
I would first talk to the teacher. If you don't feel you got anywhere, or even just to be sure that the situation will be remedied I would then go to the principal or super.
Good luck in getting this fixed.
post #56 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emilie
it is barbaric to have to ASK at all to go to the bathroom. Absolutely ridiculous
Emilie
I disagree, in situations where an adult is watching children and needs to know where they are. My children have to tell me they're going to the bathroom when we're out, as I'm sure others do too. No different in school, where one adult often has to keep track of 30 kids.

Anyway, re what to do, I recommend going in calmly and talking to the teacher to get the whole picture first. It is not a good idea in situations like these to go straight to the principal, let alone the superintendent. To be honest, it is waaaay too much to recommend going above even the principal's head over something like a peeing accident. I agree that it was awful for your son and it sounds like the system needs addressing, but that is a job for the teachers and principal, not the superintendent of schools.

Maybe if you open a clear and frank dialogue, you will discover there are other sides to the issue and that you have to be creative to find a solution. After all, parents would be more upset if the school was open for some stranger to walk in and approach their child - or even abduct one - than having their child pee their pants.

My point is that without knowing all the facts and understanding the rationale behind the school's policy, you cannot have a meaningful dialogue. If you approach the situation openly and without anger and blame, you will get a better response and are more likely to get a satisfactory outcome. I don't think this is unique to schools - it is a fact of life when dealing with any group of adults or organisation. Now, if once you've got the facts you still feel that the teacher was uncaring and callous, then for all means get tougher.

After years of working with PSs, I have seen parents take all kinds of approaches to problems, and this is the one that works best for everyone involved. And I don't think PSs are any different to any other organisation - the teachers are humans who generally respond better to being approached respectfully and being given the chance to explain themselves, just like anyone else. Your aim should be to build a partnership, and you won't do that if you approach by assuming the worst instead of the best.
post #57 of 112
My older dd has a tendency to ignore her signals, and every once in a while she has an accident at school. It has happened at the beginning of the year since preschool (she's in 1st grade.) I think it's related to stress and a small bladder, as we've ruled out infection. We keep a pair of pants and clean underwear in her backpack. The times she has peed in her pants she was never left to sit in a cold chair. She was given a change of clothes and underwear (she forgets she has some in her backpack). APparently the school nurse keeps extra clothes and undies for such occasions. Seems to me that if you're working with children, you'd have procedures on how to deal with accidents, and these would include maintaining access to buildings, keeping extra clothes on hand, and helping children maintain their dignity when they have accidents.

I'm glad you're speaking to the teacher. I would also speak with the principal and the nurse. There are simple things a school can do to help kids prevent accidents, and help them if they have them. It seems like a no brainer to keep extra clothes at a school, and to open the freakin' door when a child says, "I have to pee."
post #58 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Britishmum
I disagree, in situations where an adult is watching children and needs to know where they are. My children have to tell me they're going to the bathroom when we're out, as I'm sure others do too. No different in school, where one adult often has to keep track of 30 kids.
But theres a difference between telling an adult when and where you're going to take care of basic human needs, and having to ask (and be granted) permission to do so.
post #59 of 112
Not only would i have a talk with the teacher and administrators, I'd take it to your next PTSA meeting. With some group power around the issue you may be more likely to influence change. I'd bet this is not the first time something like this has happened.

wrt her instructions for getting in touch with her, how about catching her at drop off or pick up? Also, I'd check with the office to see what their expectations are for teacher/parent contact. In this day and age it seems odd that a school would truly allow such a disconnect.
post #60 of 112
My husband is a principal, and I think you should write a note to your principal as well as talking to the teacher. Just tell him/her that you will be speaking with the teacher, but you want the administration to be aware of the situation. In the early grades, principals are much more involved in the day to day things that go on than they are in later grades.

Also, my husband has made many changes due to parent requests and/or info that teachers didn't really see the need to make. I know he would want to know about something like this.

Just my $.02
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