If not CIO, then what? - Page 2

[womama]

I just wanted to say I was in your shoes only a few months ago. I felt insane form the lack of sleep and couldn't take it any more. Nothing was working and we couldn't bear to do CIO. So we just stuck through it and around 9 months, dp began putting him to sleep. He would be in charge for 6 hours. After that ds slept so much better. He began being able to put himself back to sleep-most of the time-and sleep for longer stretches.

I just hope you can hang in there until your babe is a little older. I bet it will get easier to soothe him to sleep besides nursing.

[johub]

When my twins were between 5 and 6 months they started waking hourly. For 3 weeks I got no sleep. I had been rotating cosleeping with them but it wasnt working out. So this is when we stopped cosleeping.
But I agree with the PP that states that it is our habits and expectatoins that need to change, while the baby is allowed to mature at his own pace.
When I get as sleep deprived as you describe (and I have, many many times. Including falling asleep at teh wheel at least once) I arrange a "sleep day" for mommy. What that means is that on Dh's day off. (Saturday in our house) DH takes care of the children and only brings the infant in to me when he or she has to nurse (really has to) and I sleep until I am rested. Once it took a Saturday and a Sunday for me to get caught up. But I was able to start out on Monday fully well rested and able to face several nights of 3-4 hours total sleep before becoming chronically sleep deprived again.

I also want to add, 6 months is a very common time for frequent night waking. Many babies who slept better at 4 months do start waking hourly at 6 months. SO it is actually not that he should be able to sleep longer by 6 months. But that even if he had been able to, for whatever reason right now he is not.

After you have caught up on your sleep you will be able to see the situation much more clearly and perhaps even see more possible solutions.
Good luck
Joline

[CaraboosMama]

Originally Posted by addiesmom

Please understand - I don't expect DS to sleep through the night. I never said that - but I thought nursing every 1.5 to 2 hours at 6 mos was a little much. Guess I was wrong - good to know at least.

I hope you haven't been to discouraged by the responses. Co-sleeping is ideal for many reasons, but obviously it isn't going to work for every family. It seemed like in your original post that you were hoping that someone would respond & say that cio is ok if that's what works for you - I hope I'm wrong, but I do know that desparate feeling of being so exhausted that I wanted some one to tell me it was ok to do that - even though I knew it was WRONG! And I got through it & it was tough, but it didn't last forever!


I hope you are able to get some rest (I don't remember if you mentioned whether you SAH or not) maybe during the day when he is napping? And that you & your husband get to spend some special time together - sometime it was a little break or something special that gave me the boost I needed to get through those no sleep months! In the big scheme of things- it is such a short time that a few years from now you will barely remember how tired you were!! Good luck & I hope you find some ways to get through it & get rested

[addiesmom]

Hi Kate - I wasn't looking for someone to tell me that CIO was okay, I was hoping someone would have some suggestions of how either I, or DH, could soothe DS back to sleep without nursing, because the nursing every 1-2 hours was taking a toll on me.

As for napping when he naps - I would, but DD, who is 3, no longer naps.

[CaraboosMama]

Originally Posted by addiesmom

Hi Kate - I wasn't looking for someone to tell me that CIO was okay, I was hoping someone would have some suggestions of how either I, or DH, could soothe DS back to sleep without nursing, because the nursing every 1-2 hours was taking a toll on me.

As for napping when he naps - I would, but DD, who is 3, no longer naps.

Ah, I see. Well, I know it's exhausting, but @ 6 mths - that really is what he needs to do. Hang in there!!!

[homemademomma]

please dont be discouraged by some of the responses! i think people get a little defensive here because it seems like the entire world is judging us for not using CIO, and its lalmost an instictive response for some of us to get a little defensive. or at least to sound that way in their posts (you can never really judge tone on a message board lol). ANYWAY- i totally hear you. it sucks waking up 100 times a night. its miserable and it messes with your daytime life.

NCSS was too involved for me when im tired. i have gone through periods of utter despair since ds was born, as well as periods of acceptance and periods of gratitude when it seemed he was waking less, or at least nursing for shorter periods. i HATE nightime marathon nursings.

i WISH i knew a way to gently help babies self soothe themselves to sleep. the only suggestion i could think of for you was to buy 2 twin mattreses, and put dh on a twin in dd room and yourself on a twin in your room with the baby in the crib- that way you are in close enough proximity that you dont have to trudge down the hall all night. and oh yea the pantley pull off does work wonders in the long term.

[addiesmom]

[QUOTE=homemademomma]please dont be discouraged by some of the responses! i think people get a little defensive here because it seems like the entire world is judging us for not using CIO, and its lalmost an instictive response for some of us to get a little defensive. or at least to sound that way in their posts (you can never really judge tone on a message board lol). ANYWAY- i totally hear you. it sucks waking up 100 times a night. its miserable and it messes with your daytime life./QUOTE]

Thank you for your warm response!

The "messes with your daytime life" is my biggest concern. It seems like the more I night-parent my DS, the quality of my DD's day-parenting goes down! I feel so badly for her, I used to be such a fun mommy. I try so hard to be patient with my non-stop strong-willed 3 yo DD, but with a total of 5 hours of sleep spread out over 3 short intervals, I just end up being a miserable mom.

[Galatea]

Just when you think your child will never sleep again, they change and sleep fine. This stage will pass.

[IncaMama]

6mos sucks. did for DS...all of our previous strategies just stopped working. stayed that way until around 7mos or so. 6mos is just a notoriously HORRIBLE time for sleeping. could he be teething?

[JustVanessa]

Oh mamma
My ds is 6 months and this is his sleep schedule down at 8, up at 9, up at 11, up at 12:30, up at 2, up at 3, up at 4:30 and up at 6 for the day. This has been going on for a week now. So needless to say I feel your pain. I too have been having a rough go of it but I try to keep in mind that ds has started solid food, learned to sit, learned to roll back to front, learned to play peek a boo by himself, and is working on crawling....ALL this week!!!! No wonder his sleep is wonky...his whole little world is wonky right now. I don't co sleep with my son and I definately don't let him cry it out either. I get up, go to the couch, feed him till he is back alseep and put him back in his bed. The nights are very long. You CAN get through this. This is normal for your babe....he will get over it, don't worry, he won't be 19 and getting up in the middle of the night
Hope my story helps, try to keep your spirits up!
Vanessa

[Isis]

Isn't this forum anti-CIO? Just checking. I've never heard anyone advocating CIO- in fact- I thought that was against the rules.

Oh and also... a 6 month old who needs night nursing isn't high needs.


ETA: To the OP- you're doing great. You'll get through this and so will your babe. I struggle with my 18 month old but I know it's in my child's best interest to answer his needs until he can answer his own and that only comes in time and with age. Hopefully you'll get some good catch up sleep soon!

[alegna]

[Devaskyla]

Could you set up a room with toys for your dd and nothing dangerous, then nap or at least doze with ds in the same room during the day? Even if it's only a little extra sleep, it's something.

[Isis]

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[HerthElde]

Originally Posted by Isis

Isn't this forum anti-CIO? Just checking. I've never heard anyone advocating CIO- in fact- I thought that was against the rules.

Ummm - yeah. Not only that but it's so so sad when the babies get to the point where they give up. It doesn't "work". Babies don't learn to put themselves to sleep by CIO, they simply give up and give in. At 27, I still have a hard time falling asleep because I was made to CIO. I know I shouldn't even respond to this thread tangent, but at 6 months pregnant, I'm extremely sensitive to this kind of crap right now. I'm very very sorry for your depression, but I really want to suggest you do some further reading into this. The fact that it sounds like you're doing it against your instincts and better judgement is probably making your depression worse even if the effect seems subtle.
In regards to the OP, have you tried putting him to bed later at all? I know this might not work, especially if he established his own routine to begin with, but since noone else mentioned it, I thought I'd throw it out there. When I put dd to bed "too early" for her, she tends to have longer and more frequent wakings. Also, sometimes babies wake up because there's noone there (especially since you recently stopped cosleeping this might be a factor) when they shift through the night. I have to (still, at 22 months) surround dd with pillows on all sides to keep her from feeling alone when I'm not in bed with her. Not sure if this would work for you, but at 6 months it shouldn't be a suffocation hazard (although I'd guess it depends on the child). Another thing to look into is allergies - although I realize it's normal for many babies to nightwake frequently, sometimes an allergy can increase frequency and duration of waking. Doing something like eliminating dairy or other potential allergens from your diet for a while *might* make a difference, and I'd say there's no harm in trying it.
As far as naps go - I don't know your 3 year old, but *some* kids at that age are able to understand that mommy needs to sleep and would be willing to sit and read stories during ds' naptime while you sleep. If you haven't tried it, it may be worth a go.

[sophmama]

To the op I hope this thread doesn't get too cluttered up and not be helpful to you. The PP advocating CIO may have kind of derailed things a bit. Sorry - I wouldn't have suggested the whole crib thing in your room if I'd known and definately didn't want to put you on the defensive. Just trying to make suggestions to your situation that might be helpful. Sometimes doing it online means you have to hash out a lot of details that you otherwise wouldn't. Sorry about that!

I would really think about the potential - baby getting cold and teething issues. For my dd teething was a big issue at that age. Also what about white noise to block out any disrupting noises. If you have the dr. sears book there's a list of like 30 potential night waking causes you could rule out. Polyester sleepers can be irritating. If the crib is blown on by a heating vent - it could wake the baby, etc. Have you tried leaving a breastpad or something in the crib for baby to smell and be soothed?

[sophmama]

Oh - and the naps. When I had a migrane I put dd and I in a toddler safe room and closed the door and I napped while she played (she can't open the door). It worked for me at the time. I've also put a quiet video on for her to watch so I could nap when I was just dying. If you could do it when the baby is asleep and put your dd infront of a video you might catch up on some desperately needed sleep.

[slacker_mom]

I broke down and bought the NCSS book because I'd been waiting forever to get it from the library, and my brain started to melt....

At that age, my daughter could not sleep for more than 40 minutes without waking up and wanting to nurse again. She alternated between nursing for milk and nursing for comfort. The sooner I let her nurse, the quicker she'd go back to sleep. If I didn't let her nurse, I'd be up with her for hours.

Given the milestones your son will go through in the coming months, I would expect frequent nightwaking to continue for some time, but it will get better eventually.

If you would consider co-rooming for part of the night, maybe the following would work:

Push your bed against the wall, away from the closet. Before you go to sleep, put a pack-n-play in the space between your bed and the closet doors. Get your son out of his room, nurse him to sleep if needed, and put him down in the pack-n-play. Your husband gets the side of the bed closest to the wall, so you can have easier access to your son. When your son starts to wake up, bring him up to the bed to nurse; when he's asleep again, put him back down in the pack-n-play; repeat as needed. You will probably double your sleep. When you are all up for the day, fold up the pack-n-play and slide it under the bed or into a corner; and you have access to your closet again.

You said you had issues with him staying latched on all night - the No Cry Sleep Solution discusses the Pantley Pull-off, which is basically this: As your son dozes off, break the latch. He'll probably latch back on; let him, but then when as he dozes off again, break the latch. Keep letting him latch on, but don't let him just sleep with your nipple in his mouth. Eventually sleep should win out over the need to be latched on. And if you can then put him down into the pack-n-play, you can make yourself comfortable up in your own bed.

Good luck.

[Jennisee]

Oh boy, 6 months is so young. My DD is 18 months old and still wakes every 1-3 hours to nurse, but because we cosleep, I hardly notice and it feels like I get a full night's sleep.

We didn't start out cosleeping, and while my DD slept through the night in a crib from 2-4 months, she started waking up more at 4 months, and by 6 months, she was waking up within minutes of being laid in her crib. I was, and still am, completely against CIO, so I spent all night nursing and rocking her to sleep, trying to put her in her crib, responding a few minutes later when she woke up. Neither she nor I were getting any sleep. However, the night we started cosleeping, that changed. Yes, the very night. Having a warm body snuggled up to her meant that she slept for several hours, and when she did wake up to nurse, I just latched her on and went back to sleep.

For the sake of your baby's needs, I encourage you to find a way to cosleep. I understand that your room is small, so my recommendation is to take your mattress off its frame, and put the mattress directly on the floor. This makes the mattress seem bigger b/c you can sleep right up to the edge without fear of falling out of bed. If you have the room, I highly recommend putting two mattresses next to each other--even if you have to clear everything else out of the room.

Then, the next step is to babyproof the room--which should be easy since it's so small. Put covers on the outlets, make sure there are no dangerous blind strings, hide all cords. Now, when your baby needs to nap, you can lay on the mattress with the baby, and your toddler can play in a safe room with some quiet toys. Even if you don't nap yourself, you can at least rest quietly while your baby naps. (I use this technique when my DD wakes up too early for my taste. I close the bedroom doors, drag out her basket of toys, and lay back down on our mattress on the floor while she plays. She will play for a while, crawl to me to nurse for a while, play for a while, and sometimes even come back to bed to sleep more.)

[mraven721]

Forum guidelines;

Please appreciate that this forum is not a place to uphold or advocate CIO (Crying It Out). Personal preferences for and encouragement of the use of CIO and similar sleep training methods are inappropriately posted here. Posts of that nature will be edited by the member upon request or will be removed.

Please feel free to discuss your problems and needs with the intent to learn more about co-sleeping and the family bed

CIO posts will be removed.