I seem to be one of the few posters who get it that you're not going to co-sleep. First things first. Your baby is going through a very normal physiological process. A six month growth spurt. And, other pps were correct in writing that your milkmaking hormones are highest at night, thus, physiologically, this is the logical time for an infant to do the most work to get the most milk! So. Since we've already established that you're not going to co-sleep, therefore you are going to be losing significant amounts of sleep, let's see if we can get you as much rest as possible, shall we? You know to get to ds as soon as possible (when he's stirring, rather than crying), right? If you're a light sleeper this shouldn't be a problem. THis will help him to get back to sleep sooner because he's less fully awake. It will also keep dd from waking up. Next. Find yourself a caregiver in the afternoons. It could be a grandparent. Or not. If you don't live near gparents, then call the local senior center. Find this out. If you'd be willing to drive one of their seniors to the grocery two times a week, would they be willing to sit w/dd while you nap, before you bring them home from the grocery? Or, contact a homeschooling group. Is there an older homeschooler who'd be willing to swap you babysitting a five to ten hours a week while you sleep, for the teaching of some skill you posess(sewing, crochet, music, etc)? How about another local mom? Would she be willing to take dd while you sleep in the morning if you take her child while she runs errands in the afternoon? We all know that running errands gets done SO MUCH faster when you don't have little ones in tow. What about church? If you attend a church (or etc), is there a young adult getting to ready to make a sacrament that needs service/volunteer hours (this goes for local high schools, too...some of them require specific numbers of hours per student as a graduation requirement)? You'd be the perfect set-up. They can sit w/your three year old while you sleep, and also fold some laundry/unload the diswasher. You can use one or all of these options (ie
ne a day, to spread out some of the hours).
Also. Your husband, whether he's "the type" or not, if he wants to sleep in his own bed, is going to have to give you a hand both with the kids and around the house. For your part, start making a menu for six weeks at a time. Go to the library and get some crock-pot and "quick" meal cookbooks. Make soup one night, breakfast one night. A roast one night. Veggie one night. Same category same night each week (this quickens the pace while meal planning). Then, grocery shop for the week. Use your crock pot. Make all the parts ahead that you can. Have dinner on the table with less effort in less time. While you're cooking have the sink full of hot soapy water and clean up as you go. Then, have your dd bring her plate to the sink. She is old enough. Same for husband. Then clean up together *before* bedtime.
This next little bit is VERY important, and helped me soooo much. For the next week, put dd down WITH your husband. Whatever the routine is, you do it together. Then, for the next three days or so, you sit there as he does everything. THEN. You "go out" somewhere for the next few days. I used to just go snooze in the car. When dd is aware that you're "gone" and she doesn't have any choice BUT dad, things'll go easier for him. Then, when she's used to dad (and yes, she'll cry for you) you let him do it all all the time. You, are not a control freak(or if you value your sleep, you'll learn quickly NOT to be), and are aware that you will be a much more fun and happy mommy with some personal time and some rest under your belt. Also, you married the man and made babies with the man. You trust his abilities and his love for his children. He works long hours, and doesn't get to see them as much as he'd most likely love to. He DESERVES, as does your daughter, the time to get to know his little girl. Now. When you put ds down, go to bed for an hour while dd and daddy go through the bedtime routine. Then, have dh come in and get you. Snuggle together and talk about your day for a few minutes. Then, if you're still tired after your daytime nap and this evening nap, go to sleep for good until ds wakes. I did this for MONTHS (into the double digits)after my dd was born, and for at least three months after ds was born. It really made a difference in my ability to function as a human being, a wife, and a parent. In fact, for the first nursing of the evening, dh would bring baby to me and then put them back, too, so HE was responsible for moving the baby and my feet never left the floor...more rest.
My DH works from five thirty in the morning until six thirty or seven in the evening most days. He misses the kids, and spends as much time with them as he can. He gets up with them in the morning on the weekends and brings me the baby when it needs to nurse, until I wake up. They have all benefitted from the time they spend without me, imposing my "mommy" style of parenting. Most of the time? They don't get fruit with their breakfast when dh feeds it to them. That drives me crazy...but not crazy *enough* to miss out on my only real sleep opportunity of the week! I give them extra fruit during the day, problem solved.
I guess my point in all this is, if you really want a solution, and not just to cry about your lack of sleep (and, hey there's nothing wrong with looking for a shoulder, either...we've all been there), there IS a solution, or several, with which you can live. You just have to be proactive, and believe that you will sleep again, even normal hours, one day. Please, be proactive. Make some phone calls. Do some favor swapping. It doesn't have to cost you a thing. We don't have two pennies to rub together, but we were creative! So, good luck.