antenatal depression

[luckylady]

I think I am suffering from depression this pregnancy. In the beginning it was worse, but I still can't shake this "blah" feeling I have. It's making me totally freaked that I will have PPD again. I am thinking I should find a therapist or something - does anyone have this?

I just feel...numb. I have lost interest in the things I love to do, my house is a disaster, I can't concentrate and jump from one thing to another, like I have ADD or something, I have lost interest in my friendships - I am withdrawn, I have lost interest in my appearance - I normally care very much how I look and lately I look horrid and I don't care, I just don't really enjoy anything anymore - not even playing with my DD which I used to love.

I am most of all concerned fro my DD - she is not used to me like this. I am usually high-energy, super fun mom who focuses on her and adores her. As a result that makes me resent this baby - I feel resentful that I decided to get pregnant knowing full well that I HATE being pregnant. And then feeling resentful of the baby makes me feel guilty - ugh. you see the cycle.

Am I alone here? I know this is really common - something like 1 in 10 women get it.

Is it safe to take meds while pregnant? I am seriously thinking I need to before I destroy my relationships.

[dshields]

Cheryl,
I'm not familiar with antenatal depression but have dealt with depression myself and wish you peace with this. I'd call someone today if I were you. Your dh is out of town too isn't he? That has got to be compounding the situation somewhat. Try your midwife (or ob) for a recomendation. It is wonderful that you are able to recognize it, and utimatly get help for yourself! Good luck mama!

[Snowdrift]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I'm pretty sure I have it too. I'm prone to depression,but don't take meds, or at least try my hardest to avoid taking meds. I've got most of the same things going on that you do (except that I never care how I look ).

I also have been feeling terrible physically (see *most* of my posts ), and I suspect that that is either causing or is caused by the depression. I know that I never care about eating when I'm depressed and it's even harder with the mornig sickness. My family is being even more troublesome than usual as well.

I'm so scared I'll get PPD. I suspect it's inevitable. The rates for PPD are very low with homebirth, one of the many reasons I'm planning one. For now I'm trying to keep it in check with mental tricks I've learned in therapy during old depressions. If it keeps getting worse I'll have to decide if I want to give up my homebirth to pay for therapy or if the homebirth is important enough to take drugs for it. Not a good choice, and one I'd rather not make, so I'm gonna probably just handle it on my own no matter how bad it gets.

I try to not feel too guilty about not taking good care of the house. I try to not keep thinking about how I dunno how I'll be a good parent if I can't even handle pregnancy (pregnant and having a kid is a challenge that's a little ways out yet for me). For one thing once the kid is born I won't be trying to force-feed myself nutritious food while throwing up sometimes several times a day. I try to let my DH take care of me, and even remind him to do so. Try not to feel guilty because I'm taking a couple of classes and he is workign full time and increasingly doing the cooking and the shopping, since if I cook it I can't stand to eat it anymore, and if I try to shop, I spend too much time in the grocery store bathroom.

I keep using every mental trick I know to keep it from spiraling and getting worse so that when it starts to get better I will notice it and not be depressed anymore.

[FireWithin]

I really struggled with depression during the first trimester. At that point, I realized that I also struggled with it while pregnant with my son. It was incredibly hard - first trimester exhaustion on top of not wanting to move from depression. I also had a hard time parenting my toddler. I found no joy in being pregnant.

Now that I am 14 weeks, I am feeling myself again. Still tired, but just an appropriate preg tired. How far along are you? Do you remember feeling this way with an earlier pregnancy? Maybe you will get relief starting your second trimester.

I plan on going on meds during the end of preg, in prep for ppd. I don't wnat to experience what I experienced the first time around, while also having to take care of a toddler.

many hugs to you. it is really hard.

[luckylady]

Thank you - I did call my MW and she gave me the name of a counselor who deals specifically with PPD and antenatal depression.

I am VERY interested in reading about PPD being lower with homebirth. Why is that???

I didn't even KNOW I had PPD last time because I thought PPD was directed toward the baby, but I had constant thoughts of suicide - thinking I needed to die so DH could have a better wife and DD a better mom. When I finally told DH what was happening we sought help. I am SO scared to feel that way again - it was awful. Ugh.

I will be 14 weeks Wednesday - like I said I AM feeling a little better - seeing light at the end of the tunnel so to speak but the PPD worry has me just that - terified! I guess I will talk to the counselor about what my options are to make sure I don't lose it again.

i did not have this with my last PG - but then again I worked and had a very demanding job that took up all of mental energy.

[Snowdrift]

Originally Posted by luckylady

I am VERY interested in reading about PPD being lower with homebirth. Why is that???

I don't know the original source of the statistic--I saw it cited in the PPD section of the midwifery archives at gentlebirth.org

My guess would be that PPD, esp. serious PPD is so unnaturally common and severe in our culture because of birth trauma/disempowering nature of obstetic birth/power-trippy tendencies of many OB's

[Sydnee]

Oh sweetie, many to you right now. I know I deal with mild depression too, when I'm not preggo, but I think right now, I'm just so stressed. the pregnancy was NOT planned, so it's taken quite awhile to adjust to that idea. We're building a house, and have had many headaches with that, plus we haven't sold the house we're in yet. : I'm just frustrated. And I too, deal with PPD, which I am NOT looing forward to. I have never taken meds, but I've been able to at least manage my feelings, so I know it's not that bad. Anyway, good luck, and remember we're always here for you!!

[KatSG]

I am feeling many of the things you're feeling. I'm still working, and I think that's my saving grace. Right now I have some juicy projects that are keeping my spirits up. But other than that, I have no joy in much of anything and just want to avoid the things that usually make me happy. In fact, sometimes when I check these boards I feel kind of sick because it seems like this pregnancy, unplanned, is just making my already very complicated life even more overwhelming. (I'm making a big work transitions, so is DH, and now my mom is going into something of a forced retirement and needslots of support.)

I suffered from PP anxiety. I think I had to much too do and too much adreneline to have the classic depression, but there is a fine line between anxiety and depression. I think anxiety feels just as bad, but it's worse in that people don't neccessarily see it. In my case, people just thought I was a b*tch which made me feel worse. It was hard to get help at first. I felt like a failure at everything which only fueled my anxiety.

For a brief period, after so much coaching and talking and great support from friends, I went on Paxil. I can't say I recommend it, but some people like it. I'm pretty sure it's contraindicated in pregnancy, though. It made me feel dead (though not anxious--and at that point dead was almost a relief!) but then it made my hair fall out, which is common with SSRIs.

When that didn't work I approached things from a diet and supplement perspective and found that amino acid supplements and protein helped. I got all this from The Mood Cure. (For those of you who have seen my umpteen posts about this book, my apologies for sounding like a broken record.) The great thing about this is that you can do it while pregnant-- I checked with two naturopaths and my mw. Many of your issues may stem from lack of proper nutrition. I know it's hard to eat at this point--I'm having the same issues--but it's something to consider.

[KindRedSpirit]

I am 100% here with you. I keep thinking "If I could just get more energy,somehow."The most common form of action on that is coffee,which is fine until the downer hits,and everything is way worse.I just got off my caffine addiction,and do not want it back!I am positive I can "cure"this with diet,If pepople can cure their cancer w/ carrot juice(and some have)I know it is possible!I just need to find it and do it!Of course,finding and doing are the nemesis of my current state of mind...

[lilyka]

I suffer horribly from antenatal depression and am glad it is finally getting talked about. Mine is extreme to the point that if I should get pregnant again I will have to be on medication. I suffer from horible saddness, rages, paranoia, panic, and weird OCD stuff. The biggest thing is the paranoia and panic though. always scared I am going to die, the baby is going to die, constant panic attacks. of course everyone, myself included, passed it off as pregnancy hormones. but with my last ne I started talking to people and relized other people don't worry about everthing every minute. they don't live in absolute constant terror that something bad is going to happen.

THE GOOD NEWS!!
It usually lifts within a coupld of weeks of birth. this is the girst time I really noticed it after birth but it was easy to deal with. Much less intense and enough sanity in there to blow of the craziness (misplaced random crying - I could just say, oh never mind that) and within 2-3 weeks i was perfectly normal again.

[KindRedSpirit]

So,lylika-What do you do?Who do you see proffessionally,and what did they say to do?What medication is suggested for you,and do you know of/or if there is a natural equivalent?TIA

[quirkylayne]

If seeing a therapist is covered by your insurance, do that. If not try to see a LCSW or equivilant. Therapy is just as helpful as meds for PPD and other similar depression cycles. You deserve to feel better!

[Unreal]

about maybe 6 months? or so after ds2 was born, I was having real problems with being totally overwhelmed--not in the normal 'I have too much to do' but in the 'I can't do this' sort of way.
I had some luck upping my b-vitamins and my Omega's...and investing in Rescue Remedy.

Whenever I would get an overwhelming flash of anxiety and anger and depression and other fun dark stuff like that, I would take some rescue remedy (we have the spray).
I don't know if it is/was the rescue remedy,
or if it is taking a step out of things for a minute,
or if it was knowing there was *something* I could turn to when I was freaking out....
but it helps me immensely.

I know I'm definitely having issues now....
lots of moments of the day are just...gray. That is the only way I can describe how it is.
It is like my mind goes from color images to black and white. Everything is blah and feels gray.
Between that and the horrid flashes of just outright temper tantrums...
not a good mix (I've always had a temper, but this is even worse I feel like I'm functioning on the same level as my 2yo!)
The rescue remedy is still helping, but I've got to take it for it to do anything!
And of course, when you are having those moments...The last thing on your mind are things that will help.
I have to have the bottle of it somewhere that I walk past a lot through the day...
Anyhow, just thought this might be an option to try in conjunction with other things.

The B vitamins make a huge difference too, fwiw
I get a good dose of those from those Emergen-c drink packets I mentioned way back when in one of the other threads

[lilyka]

I didn't do anything. we opted not to have any more children because i was too scared to take meds while pregnant but it has gotten worse with each pregnancy to the point last time where I wouldn't leave the house for days. It cresendoed at the 7 month mark. I was always thinking it was just normal pregnancy hormones. I really thought everyone felt so crazy while they were pregnant. but I was refusing to go to the bathroom because I was scared I would se blood. If i didn't feel her move I would cry and scream and jump up and down and sugar load and poke until I felt her move. but never call my midwife because I didn't want to bother her. (she would be beside herself if she knew that). In the end I had decided I just could not remain pregnant anymore and was going to request an induction (which made me feel like a natrual birth failure) I was 36 weeks pregnant. I went to branes and Noble that night and picked up a British pregnancy magazine. the headline article was antinatal depression. The things it said really rang true. I was going to discuss that along with the induction. But I decided i would absolutely lose my mind if this baby was not outside of my body where I could protect it and tend to it properly. fortunartly I went into labor an hour before my prenatal and had Ava during my prenatal visit. I gues my body just knew that it was time to get her out. I was blessed with a beautiful easy labort outside of the hospital (which was also contributing to my stress and unease).

Some things that helped while I was pregnant was birthing from within. It helped me at least see what my triggers were. in pregnancy I needed control and to be able to protect my baby. L:abor was nothing for me and the worse it got the hapier I was. Pregnancy is just such an out of control place for me. I could not protect my baby. There she was and there was nothing I could doto save her. I wouldn't even know right away if she died. I could contriol what kind of mother I was. I could do OK once I got her out of my body. If she was hungry I could feed her, if she was cold I could wrap her up. If she was sad i could comfort her and if she stopped breathing I could give her CPR. but inside I can't know and I can't do anything. . .

anyway so since last time was so bad and since it has gotten worse everytime, and I am not comfortable taking meds (aolthoguht if i do end up pregnant I won't hesitate. I don't know which but some anti depressents are OK in pregnancy) we just decided not to have anymore. It was easy for my dh to help with the older ones while I freaked out but now we have three and our business is more demanding. also now that my kids are older my dropping off the face of the earth whole not go unnoticed (there were people who I was really good friends with who didn't know I had been pregnant until i walked in with a baby. i was that kind of reclusive.) Also it would just be hard on my children if i was unable to parent. I just can't do it again.

[quirkylayne]

Just wanted to add I'm not anti meds, I'm actually all for them- I'm for doing whatever you need to do to help you feel better. I hope I didn't come of harsh in my previous post. My first choice would be therapy. If you do decide to try it out, please keep in mind that like Doctors and Midwives not all therapist are created equal and it may take a few tries to find one that you really click with.

[lilyka]

i wanted to say I am not anti-meds either. to have more or not was already on the table and this just mad the choice obvious. like I said if I did end up pregnant again I would be on meds right away.

How would therapy help this kind of depression? not being snarky. like I said I ahven't really looked into it. even in my mind, while I am goignt hrough it I know it is crazy to be feeling like this. but at the same time I am hyperventalating. and having a rational discusion with the voices in my head about the baby is fine and why don't you just go in for quick peak but no reason to bother her, and its just hormones making me frwak out and i need to get a grip, blah blah blah. even while feeling out of control physically and emotionally I know exactly what is going on rationally. So i could talk about it till the cows come home but that won't change the out of controlness I feel. I need something that will put the hormones back where they go and make them behave and play nicely. Are there some types of depressions (one by internal triggers verses ones caused by external triggers) that therepy won't help with.

[Snowdrift]

Originally Posted by lilyka

How would therapy help this kind of depression? not being snarky. like I said I ahven't really looked into it.

First, I gotta mention tha tI am not a therapist and do not have a pysch degree, I'm ust someone who has had some pretty good success with therapy.

There are all different kinds of therapy. If the problem is with uncontrollable irrational thoughts, there are methods of therapy that teach one how to try to control these thoughts more effectively.

Sometimes therapy is just talkin and sometimes it is much more focused on acquiring skills. Often it is both.

and having a rational discusion with the voices in my head about the baby is fine and why don't you just go in for quick peak but no reason to bother her, and its just hormones making me frwak out and i need to get a grip, blah blah blah. even while feeling out of control physically and emotionally I know exactly what is going on rationally.

As a totaly non-professional I think you approach a serious danger zone when you are experiencing voices in your head. If oyu come close to not knowing what is going on rationally then it can be significantly more problematic trying to work through it with therapy alone. I personally feel though that there are very, very few cases where drugs without therapy is the best approach. Therapy can give much better long-term results, whereas drugs stop working when you stop taking them. If drugs are genuinely needed, they should be used in conjunction with therapy.

So i could talk about it till the cows come home but that won't change the out of controlness I feel. I need something that will put the hormones back where they go and make them behave and play nicely. Are there some types of depressions (one by internal triggers verses ones caused by external triggers) that therepy won't help with.

The problem here is that there are a whole lot of unknowns. Although there are all kinds of drugs that will alter your levels of serotonin or dopamine or whatnot, no one really knows if the depression caused those to go awry or if their awry-nes cuased the depression. APD and PPD sure seem to be among the most externally-influenced depressions around.

I've only been working for a couple of weeks on keeping my depression in check, so I can't comment on APD or PPD, but I can say that after a couple years of therapy and a couple years of practice I can use diet, exercise, attitude, mental focus and a lot of little tricks like physically smiling when I feel especially awful to raise my levels of serotonin.

I am *so* not trying to say that if we had the right attitude , we wouldn't be depressed! But I am sayng that with enough practice and focus and skills , depression can, in many cases, be controlled at least as well by therapy as by drugs.

Caveat: drugs aren't spectacular at it either. Some placebo studies have suggested they arent' as good as we've been led to belive, they have troublesome side-effects that can negatively affect one physically and emotionally, and they have not been in use long enough for us to be fully aware of their long-term consequences.

Drugs foster dependancy. Therapy fosters confidence. Drugs are to a large extent an unknown. Therapy fosters self-awareness and insight. Drugs are caffiene--a quick lift when you need it. Useful when you're falling asleep at the wheel, not a long-term solution. Therapy is a healthy lifestyle and enough sleep. It's hard to get in the habit, but it's worth it in the long run, and feels much better once you learn how to live with it.

[luckylady]

I agree that I am not sure therapy would help me. I am by nature a VERY introspective person so it's not like I am not aware of this imbalance. It seems like the only info out there is from the UK - interesting - this seems to be something we don't talk about here in the US.

I am also not an advocate fo taking drugs, because once your brain depends on drugs for serotonin, it loses its ability to create it naturally. I think a LOT of this depression has to do with the fact that i have not been able to exercise - I literally went from at LEAST 1 hour a day of hardcore working out to nada. Exercise creates serotonin. I have started walking again the past few days which is why I am probably starting to feel better.

I STILL need to order that mood cure book. Prior to PG I exercised a lot and also took an Omega3 + B50 complex. I have read that too much B is not good for the baby so I stopped taking it. I am wondering if it's safe - does anyone know? I know that for a lot of people depression is caused by a lack of B vitamins and that always seemed to be true for me - B + exercise is my Paxil.

So like I said I am not a proponent of meds but if I have to take them to be sane, I will. My poor DD is suffering, not to mention my DH and the fact that this is effecting my DD so negatively makes me be ok with the idea. I will talk to this lady who is an expert in this field (thankfully there is someone here!!!) and let her determine what my best course of action is. I am with you Lilyka - I will NEVER go through this again.

[quirkylayne]

I agree with most of wha tie-dyed said, all in the first 2 paragraphs.

Therapy is not just you talking to someone telling them all your woes. Therapy is interactive- you tell the person what you are having trouble with, they help you figure out why you are having trouble with it and what your triggers are, then the two of you figure out the best solutions for you. Sometimes the first solution doesn't work and you try something else.

As tie-dyed said, "There are all different kinds of therapy. If the problem is with uncontrollable irrational thoughts, there are methods of therapy that teach one how to try to control these thoughts more effectively." This is a great example of cognitive therapy.

We are lucky that we live in a time where some meds can be used during pregnancy and childbirth. People talk about PPD now so you don't have to think you are a freak if you feel depressed after having a baby. And we have options on how to treat our problems. And we have great places like MDC where we can all share our opinions and help eacother!

[KindRedSpirit]

Just wanted to add-I talked to a friend today,and she said she was on all the popular drugs, and none worked,but that she has had great success with Chlorophyl!I guess from the hfs...I'm going to run it by my mw and pick some up....